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Welcome to Thinking Out Loud, a blog that contains postings from The Tampa Tribune’s Editorial Board and from various Tribune Community Columnists. Unlike the unsigned editorials that represent the newspaper’s institutional voice, the blog postings offer personal perspectives on the issues, personalities and events of Tampa Bay. We invite you to participate by posting your comments. We’ll do our best to respond.

Contributors:

Joe Guidry

Joe Guidry is the deputy editorial page editor of The Tampa Tribune. He is a Tampa native and a graduate of the University of South Florida. He is married and has an adult son.

Jeff Stidham

Jeff Stidham grew up and lives in Bartow. He has been with the Tribune for nearly 22 years, the last 10 on the editorial board.

William Yelverton

William Yelverton is a Tribune editorial writer who has worked for the paper nearly 22 years. He lives in the Dade City area.

Jim Beamguard

Jim Beamguard is a Tribune editorial writer. He is a native of North Carolina and a graduate of Davidson College. He and his family live in Brandon.

Jackie Papandrew:

Jackie Papandrew is a freelance writer and editor. Her syndicated humor column appears in publications in the United States, Canada and India. She lives in Largo with her husband and children. Visit her website at www.jackiepapandrew.com.

Camille Beredjick

Camille Beredjick is a senior at Chamberlain High School, an avid musician and a scribbler with a quirky sense of humor. In the fall, she will be attending Northwestern University to study journalism, political science and music, and she plans to pursue a career in journalism.

Jim Harnish

Jim Harnish is in his 17th year as Senior Pastor at Hyde Park United Methodist Church in Tampa. He and his wife, Marsha, have two daughters and two grandchildren. He is a graduate of Asbury Theological Seminary and received the honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Bethune-Cookman University. He is the author of six books and numerous articles and studies. He enjoys playing with his grandchildren and cheering for the Florida Gators.

Angela Hunt

Angela Hunt is a novelist living in Pinellas County with her husband and two 220-pound mastiffs.

Sheryl Young

Sheryl Young was a Tampa Tribune Community Columnist in 2005-2006. A freelance writer since 1997, including the Tampa Bay Business Journal, Tampa Style Magazines, St. Pete Times and nationally in Better Nutrition, Today’s Christian Woman and more. She’s received a First Place Amy Foundation national "Roaring Lambs" Writing Award, and has lived in Tampa Bay with her family for over 20 years.

Christie Gold

Christie Gold teaches English and journalism at Freedom High School in Tampa where she advises Revolution, the school newspaper. She has been both the Hillsborough County Teacher of the Year and Florida Journalism Teacher of the Year. She lives on a small farm in Wesley Chapel where she trains as a competitive equestrian.

Natalie D. Preston

Natalie D. Preston is a karaoke singing, only-child pouting, Seminole Tomahawk waving, newlywed bride blushing, 50-state traveling, girlie girl who loves to shop, read, run and jump up and down on her soapbox.

Fernando Figueroa

Fernando Figueroa is a researcher, educator and lives in Riverview.

Gary Beemer

Interests include humor, politics, economics, community and world affairs, finance, people, religion, music, sports, current events, the arts and education.

Nicole Yunger Halpern

Nicole Yunger Halpern is an undergraduate at Dartmouth College, where she studies everything she can get her nerdy little hands on. Desired major: life. No, not necessarily biology. Life.

Kris DiGiovanni

Kris DiGiovanni is a Tribune Community Columnist, Huffington Post contributor, Daily Kos diarist, and teacher, who recently moved from NW Hillsborough to another planet - a small beach community in Pinellas County. She also blogs at www.sandscript.wordpress.com

H. David Braswell Jr.

H. David Braswell Jr. is an Information Systems Professional. He is a native New Yorker and a lifelong NY Giants fan. He attended college in California (Cal State Northridge) and moved to Tampa in 1998.

Sean Marcus

Sean Marcus teaches creative writing, journalism and reading at Chamberlain High School. He has one son and is expecting a daughter in early March. He can be reached at wuizabug@gmail.com

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The Scariest Costume

Posted Oct 25, 2009 by Jackie Papandrew

Updated Oct 25, 2009 at 11:53 AM

I promised my kids, after much begging on their part, that I’d dress up for Halloween this year. Maybe, I thought, I’d continue my longtime childhood role of witch – one of those wonderfully hideous hags with a pointy black hat and hooked plastic nose complete with wart. Or maybe I’d reprise my polyester princess phase, with a few adult modifications.

But when I went costume shopping with my family, I found that the hags have turned to hoochies, and the princesses are parading more than their tiaras.

I searched through dozens of costumes, all of them offering a shrink-wrapped style that ranged from sexy to slutty to skanky.

The witches were wearing very little. There were naughty nurses with uniforms so low-cut they could induce heart failure, and a deviant housewife ensemble that seemed ill-suited for mopping floors. Little Red Riding Hood, sporting thigh-highs, was definitely not headed to her grandmother’s house. And Goldilocks, with her plunging neckline and platform heels, looked ready to sleep in everyone’s bed. It was all more strip club than storybook.

For the briefest of moments, I considered buying one of these outfits, actually mulled over the suggestion on the package of one costume that I channel my inner vixen. But my vixen vanished when I saw the looks of horror on the faces of my children. Mom in a minidress was an idea more monstrously frightening than they could fathom.

So, still in need of a disguise, I pondered my predicament. My Halloween attire would have to be homemade, something funny and familiar, or perhaps soothing and sweet, or maybe even slightly scary. But not salacious.

I could dress up as one of the most important items in our house – the remote control – with custom buttons designed to appeal to each member of my family. There’d be a Fulltime Football button and a Constant Cartoons knob, along with one labeled Law and Order 24/7. And, for laughs, I could include one they’d find highly useful on occasion – Mute Mom.

Or, I could get creative with the cardboard and felt and appeal to the stomach by appearing as a plate of nachos or a tray of chocolate chip cookies, the kind of eye candy that would spark my gang’s gratitude.

I could remind them of all that I do. I could cut a circle out of a laundry basket and insert it over my body, with pieces of dirty clothing dangling from clothespins. Or I could pose as a giant red spoon with Betty Crocker scrawled across my forehead. I could cover myself with foil marked as leftovers. Or maybe I could stick some toy tires on my arms and legs and masquerade as a minivan.

In the end, I decided on something very simple. I realized that, in a way, I wear a disguise every day. Every morning, I am transformed from a bleary-eyed creature straight out of Night of the Living Dead into something resembling an attractive human being.

I paint my face, and I fix my hair. I get dressed up in slimming garb designed to trick people into thinking I’m a treat. So this year, I’m going to skip that step and stroll the streets as myself. And my kids will probably think that’s the scariest costume of all.

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