'; } } ?>

Domestic Violence: Why do women continue to stay with men who abuse them, beat them and kill them ?

Posted Oct 5, 2009 by Al Mccray

Updated Oct 7, 2009 at 03:20 PM

Today in Tampa Florida, Cedrick Salter pleaded not guilty to gunning down and killing his girlfriend and mother of his children. SaQuanda Tamika Simon was shot multiple times as she protected her children from the hail of bullets.

Ironically enough, Ms. Simon pleaded and begged for the authorities not to prosecute Mr. Salter. At the time of her murder, the case, number 2009-CF-3925, was still an active on going case. Cedrick Salter was still being investigated by Mr. Mark Ober and The State’s Attorney office in Hillsborough County.

On March 23 of this year, SaQuanda completed a form called ” Victim’s Request That State Not Prosecute “. She wrote in her own handwriting,

“We do not have any past violent situations, he is a good father and provider, Cedrick is not perfect, he made a mistake and is very remorseful. He truly does have a good heart and deserves a second chance”.

The second chance that she requested, lead to her horrific killing in front of her kids.

This month has been declared ‘Domestic Violence Month’. In Florida this year alone there have been almost 100 incidents of ‘Domestic Violence‘ where there have been deaths. In Tampa there have been just under 17. In the country there have been a reporting of 739 cases and so far in October there are 18 cases. Last month there were 161 cases. Today is October 5th.

I first started my trek through Domestic ViolenceLand about 19 months ago. In that time period I have discovered many things. Most have been very disturbing and troubling.

Here is what I have discovered:

1. An abuser would get into more trouble for beating his dog than beating his wife or girlfriend or child.

2. There isn’t any central registry of Domestic Violence abusers.

There is a child molesters registry and a database of artificial implants. But none for   Domestic Violence cases pending, adjudicated, or post adjudication.  You can’t even track past victims of Domestic Violence to see how they are doing. You could trace down a bad breast implant before you could track down a domestic violence abuser.

3. Law enforcement does not consider Domestic Violence cases as a high priority. They rather have the cops be chasing the street dealers selling the nickel bags of marijuana or pulling motorists over and writing traffic tickets.

4. There is no coordination between Domestic Violence groups. Most groups are very territorial and they heavily protect and guard their limited resources. They actually compete among them selves for grants, funding, staff, and facilities.

5. There is no organized sharing of information between Domestic Violence groups, law enforcement, and the community organizations.

6. There is no one entity, whether it be law enforcement, the courts, victim groups or the prosecutors has ready real time stats on the most basic numbers about Domestic Violence case pending, in progress, or adjudicated. The same lack of stats also applies to the victims and the abusers.

7. No one seems to have the answer to the whys?

8. And very sadly, there is a lack of a Synergy of Consciousness to do something about Domestic Violence.

I shall explore and investigate the many issues and sides of ‘Domestic Violence‘. I shall get answers, raise questions, and get an education and opinions from, social workers, experts in Domestic Violence, victims, support groups, the courts, law enforcement officials and from the general public.

So what is the cause or blame for the rampant carnage, disruption of families, and destruction of civility cause by ‘Domestic Violence‘? Is the question just this simple as, “Why do women continue to stay with men who abuse and beat them and often kill them”? This was certainly my simplistic question and maybe the only question I thought was applicable to this issue. If Johnny, Leroy, or Pablo beats you, just leave. I have found out that, it’s just not that simple by a long shot. Often leaving creates additional levels of fear and traumas.

Who is there to blame for these continuing deaths cause by ‘Domestic Violence‘?

Can we blame the State Attorney’s office who refuses to prosecute these monsters at the crying insistence of the victims? Is it the women who just won’t leave bad situations soon enough? Is it the lack of community resources to shelter the victims? Is it the lack of education? Is this a low priority with the police department, the prosecutors and the courts? Do kids make it difficult to leave? Is it a taboo to seek help or to discuss the subject of abuse? Is there not enough high profile attention to this problem from all quarters? Is Domestic Violence a trait of heredity?

Are restraining orders mere jokes or useless pieces of paper with a judge’s signature?

In researching this article, it has been an eye opening experience for me. ‘Domestic Violence‘ is extremely complex, has many critical elements and its many dimensions are complicated to understand.

The first thing we must do is to clearly understand the meaning and definition of the term ‘Domestic Violence’. The answer will surprise you.

In the articles forth coming, I shall add to / make comment and follow the outline and thoughts on the subject of:

The Domestic Intervention Project, 
202 East Superior Street, Duluth, Minn, 55802,
212-722-2781

* (seek link at the end)

Their circle of Power and Control,
‘Domestic Violence’ include the following;

1. Using intimidation,        2. Using emotional abuse,
3. Using isolation,          4. Minimizing, denying and blaming,
5. Using children,          6. Using male privilege,
7. Using economic abuse,  8. Using coercion and threats

I will also discuss ‘Domestic Violence‘ cases with tragic conclusions, local help organizations, and seeking public comments and public experiences with acts of ‘Domestic Violence‘.

I wish that our County Commissioners in Hillsborough County would pass a proclamation recognizing that this is a big problem. It would be nice if one of them took the lead and make this a special project, like A TASK FORCE TO STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. That would attract the high profile that Domestic Violence needs. With a Commissioner comes attention media,  other governmental agencies involvement like Sheriff David Gee and Mark Ober ( the State’s Attorney) and others,  meetings, resources, public awareness and synergy to solve the problem.

And yes, men too are are victims of Domestic Violence. But unfortunately, this subject appears by societal eyes, to be a female issue.

If you care to contribute, please contact me.
almccray @aol.com
813 244 0664

*The Duluth Project, info on Domestic Violence

---