Perhaps the best way to view Florida’s presidential primary debacle is to think of this as what happens when a hanging chad of apparatchiks decide to transform a once proud political party into a condo association.

The late roaring lion of the Democrats, Robert Strauss must be spinning in his grave at the sight of his party being taken over by a bunch of lanyard wearing, pocket protector types armed with their clipboard and rule books.

Much has been made of Florida’s decision to move its primary up to January 29 in violation of arcane Democratic Party rules simply crafted to kiss up to New Hampshire, Iowa and South Carolina.

And because Florida had the audacity to move its date, the state was punished by the Democratic National Committee and its chairman Howard Dean by having all its delegates voided.

Dean has repeatedly argued the punishment was just because the “rules” had been violated. Poppycock.

Please forgive me if my Chicago is showing just a bit. But this kerfuffle isn’t, or it ought not to be about “rules.”

What Dean and his fellow condo association board members have lost in this sight of in this debate is that the “rules” have nothing whatsoever to do with this exercise.

The object here is to select a presidential candidate. The ultimate goal here is to (ta-dah) win the election in November.

And while Dean and his fellow sorority members fret over the “rules,” he might just whine his way to defeat in the fall.

But at least all the “rules” will have been followed.

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What do you think the odds are if the HBO series “In Treatment” returns for another season, one plot line will involve a former politician in therapy trying to come to terms with the implosion of his career and marriage after being caught up in a high-priced call girl ring?

As falls from grace go, the fast track decline and free fall of Eliot Spitzer was the stuff of Shakespeare meets a Greek tragedy.

And yes, like everybody else who has followed this story, two essential questions remain: A) What the &^%$#*^$ was he thinking? and/or B) Why would the aggrieved Mrs. Spitzer agree to appear in public standing next to this dreadful, horrible, sleazy little man?

I have been around politicians and politics all my life and still the behavior of some of these “public servants” never ceases to confound me.

By any standard of rationality, how does it happen that a pol with a stellar reputation for probity, a man who had spent his career on the way to the New York governor’s mansion crafting an image as a tough-minded, moralistic crime-fighting prosecutor allow himself to get caught up in a big bucks prostitution ring, spending possibly as much as $80,000 for the services of hookers?

Indeed, Spitzer’s name had been bandied about as a possible future presidential candidate. And now he has become a national laughing stock in less than a week.

The dirty little secret of public life is that in places like Albany and Tallahassee, the corridors of government are filled with beautiful women turned on by the cologne of power. Good grief, a politician could look like Shemp Howard and still get luckier than Wilt Chamberlain.

So, putting aside for the moment questions of morality, if it was simply extramarital sex that Gov. Spitzer was interested in he would found plenty of willing women to satisfy his needs for not much more than the cost of a cocktail. Think of the savings!

You could make a case that this was never really about sex.

A 48-year-old man easily recognized in places like Washington, accompanied by a security detail no less, does not engage in such monumentally stupid and high, high, high, high risk behavior simply because he truly believes sex for $4,000-a-pop (no pun intended) with a harlot is somehow going to be quantitatively better than a night spent with a very, hot and desirable lobbyist.

It’s not the sex. It’s the danger, the risk of discovery, the sneaking around that is the turn on.

And it’s also the arrogance, the hubris, the ego that drives figures like Eliot Spitzer to delude themselves into thinking they are bullet-proof, even while they are in the act of shooting themselves in the foot.

In the end, Spitzer joins a long list of gladhanders who truly stepped on their ..., well you get the idea.

Some pundits have suggested that after such a tawdry scandal, Eliot Sptizer’s political career is more dead than Warren Harding, who knew a thing or two about ladies of the evening.

They are probably right.

But if Spitzer is looking for a role model when it comes to career rehabilitation, he should look no further than fellow New Yorker, sportscaster Marv Albert, who was charged felony forcible sodomy, which also included allegation of kinky biting.

And let us not forget the pictures of Marv Albert wearing women’s underwear. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In time Albert pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault and battery charge and sodomy counts were dismissed.

Now, eventually Marv Albert, after what had to be the mother of all embarrassments, returned to his broadcasting job, which might suggest if the public can forgive and forget Marv Albert in a women’s panties, it might reserve a small cup of compassion for Eliot Spitzer.

Just how much sympathetic understanding Silda Spitzer is willing to extend to her dope of a husband is another matter.

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On this much most people can probably agree - former University of South Florida Prof. Sami al-Arian is a pretty loathsome, vile individual, who deserves precious little sympathy for his role in providing support for Islamic terrorists.

But you could also make a case that the saga of al-Arian’s travels through the federal criminal justice system has probably reached the “Enough is enough!” stage.

At the moment the 50-year-old defrocked university professor is in the midst of a hunger strike in protest over being yet again subpoenaed to testify before a federal grand jury investigating the activities of various Muslim charities.

This is the second time he has been summoned to testify with a grant of immunity from prosecution and once again al-Arian has refused, thus leading to a contempt of court citation, which will leave him locked up through the term of the grand jury.

Al-Arian, who accepted a plea bargain to plead guilty to providing services for members of a terrorist group in 2006, was supposed to have been released from federal custody and deported in April, 2007.

But because of his refusal to testify before the grand jury, he has remained imprisoned, which has now begun to raise some thorny ethical questions for federal prosecutors.

To be sure, the government has every right to compel al-Arian to testify, especially since he has been given a grant of immunity.

Al-Arian’s mouthpieces have steadfastly insisted he plea agreement absolved him of having to provide additional testimony and/or cooperation. But that is so much hooey.

Nothing in al-Arian’s written plea agreement, or in any court transcript concerning his plea deal noted any free pass on testifying or cooperating.

The government is well within its legal power to continue to confine al-Arian.

But you could also make a fair case that since he has been, not only in jail, but in solitary confinement for the past several years, al-Arian has precious little current, valuable or legally useful information to reveal to a grand jury.

Has not the time come to simply release and depart, this admittedly disagreeable little man?

The continued incarceration of al-Arian serves no practical purpose and indeed has begun to border on a punitive sentence at the hands of federal prosecutor’s, whe failed to convict the professor on more serious terrorism charges during his 2006 Tampa trial.

At the same time, by failing to honor the terms of al-Arian’s plea bargain by not releasing and deporting him, future plea negotiations with defendants could be undermined.

Like it or not, the plea bargain is a vital prosecutorial tool. The criminal justice would implode under the weight of a backlog of cases, were not defendants offered the opportunity to negotiate guilty pleas and sentencing ranges.

For better or worse, al-Arian entered into his plea deal in good faith. The failure to include language concerning testimony and cooperation was the fault of his legal counsel. But their errors should not translate into a virtual life sentence.

As one who has been very critical of Sami al-Arian (I was even picketed by him once), I never thought I would write these words, but enough is enough.

It is time to let to let him go. Not the sake of Sami al-Arian, but for the credibility of the system of justice he wanted to destroy.

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Really now, what did you expect?

Did anyone honestly believe Gov. Charlie Crist, R-Mr. Blue Bird On My Shoulder, would stand before the Florida Legislature the other evening and proclaim - “We are such toast!”

This was the state of the state address after all, a time when the governor is supposed to stand before the public and insist all is right with the world, even if giant badgers were gnawing at his ankles.

This session the Legislature is confronted with slashing $3 billion from the state budget. That means schools will be impacted. Social services will be cut. Parks and recreational facilities will feel the blade. And even public safety will have to do with one less pair of handcuffs, probably.

And all of this belt-tightening is occurring on the watch of Governor Happy Pants, a man so eternally optimistic, he would make Norman Vincent Peale seem suicidal.

So while the state of the state may be in a state, it would hardly behoove Gov. Everything Is Beautiful to stand up before the Legislature and announce: A) “We’re doomed !” and/or B) “Can somebody do something about this giant badger?”

Besides for Charlie Crist, R-Bubbles, how would it look for a potential vice presidential running mate to John McCain to admit the state’s finances are in worse shape than Michael Jackson?

Oh and if you had any remote doubt, Gov. Brigadoon is already thinking of picking out the drapes for the veep’s mansion, consider that he started quoting Ronald Reagan during his state of Charlie Crist’s career speech Tuesday, alluding to Florida as a “shining city on a hill.”

Oh dear. Does that qualify as plagiarism - or simply oratorical grave robbing?

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Not that this is a question, which should consume any of you, but on the odd chance you might wonder why I drink, here’s a perfectly good reason.

Since December, 2000, I have hosted a weekly talk show Saturday mornings over WFLA 970-AM, which comes out to about 400 shows give or take. That’s a lot of Dewar’s. It would be even more if I could drink on the air.

At any rate, over the course of all those programs I have had to contend with all manner of fruits and nuts, conspiracy theorists, right-wing huffers and puffers and left wing harrumphers.

Sometimes though, the reasoning of some callers completely baffles me. Even scarier, I suspect it baffles them too.

Last Saturday was one of those moments.

A angry caller weighed in, noting how he absolutely could not stand presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Arizona Sen. John McCain. Too liberal, too bi-partisan, too yada yada yada.

HOWEVER, in light of The New York Times recent story about McCain’s relationship with a Washington lobbyist, the caller had decided to happily throw his support to the senator.

I found this curious. I find many of my listeners curious. I am curious to know if some of them are even aware they are alive.

Explain something to me, I asked the caller. First of all, I inquired if the caller had ever even read a copy of The New York Times. He admitted he never had picked up and read the Old Gray Lady.

Now we were getting somewhere!

Explain something to me, I said to the caller. As of a few days earlier, the listener had had no use for that lousy, stinking, liberal John McCain.

But now a newspaper the caller had never read had published a story about a presidential candidate he couldn’t stand and on that basis the listener was now going to support someone they don’t like simply to make a gesture toward an entity they’ve never examined.

Uh, could the caller please explain that reasoning, to me? Things went downhill from here.

The caller repeatedly tried to attack The New York Times, which is very nice, but I had to ask how did he know the paper was the tool of Satan since he had never read it?

And I had to ask, alas often, what possible difference would it make to now support a political candidate he disliked, simply because a newspaper he never had picked up had reported something about the pol he wouldn’t bother to ever read?

Silence.

In the interests of fairness and admittedly I am a sucker for the surreal, I even put the caller on hold while I went to a commercial break to give the chap time to think his argument through a bit more.

It didn’t help. Once back on the air, the caller still couldn’t explain his thinking and by the point I was getting bored, so I let him slip back into the ether from whence he had come.

By the way, this sort of thing goes on for three hours, every Saturday.

And that is why, yes bartender I’ll have another. And make it a double.

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There was a time not all that long ago when everyone was filled with good old fashioned pride that a bright, young, attractive, articulate black man could, in this great country of ours, run and be accepted as a candidate for the presidency of these United States.

Cue those amber waves of grain, those purple mountain’s majesty, those fruited plains.

But that was then and now is now.

Isn’t it amazing what happened to Sen. Barack Obama,once he evolved from a charming symbol of racial pride to a guy who actually might become the president of these United States?

The right-wing propaganda mills have been working at hyper-speed in recent months in an effort to portray Obama as some sort of tool of fundamentalist Islam, spreading lies as how the Illinois senator took his oath of office with his hand of the Koran (wrong), how he was educated in madrasses (wrong) and other assorted ponderous piffle.

Earlier this week, phony conservative radio talk show thug, Bill “Complete Dolt” Cunningham, at a campaign rally for Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain, found himself in full carpet-chewing mode, repeatedly referring to the Democratic Party presidential candidate as Barack Hussein Obama.

Cunningham, who must have graduated from the Joseph Goebbels’ School of Fear-Mongering Broadcasting, noted that he had had a dream where Barack Hussein Obama, meets with the world dictators before cozying “… up next to Hezbollah.”

So over the top were the remarks of Bill “Albert Speer Cunningham that he was repudiated by the very man the radio spittle merchant had come to praise - John McCain.

McCain, appearing to want to distance himself from Bill “Augusto Pinochet” Cunningham’s as if he was a walking Ebola virus (which, in fact he is), condemned the talk show stormtrooper’s remarks, noting “I absolutely repudiate such comments, and again, I will take responsibility. It will never happen again.”

For his part, Bill “Torquemada” Cunningham quickly hied away to the warm embrace of fellow traveller Sean Hannity of Faux News, which had to be a bit like Vlad the Impaler seeking out the gentle solace of Charles Manson.

Bill “Luca Brasi” Cunningham insisted he was merely, simply, innocently using the candidate’s full legal name, which just so happens to be Barack Hussein Obama, adding: “Sean, now why don’t you talk to his mother and father, recently departed? God bless rest their souls. His parents called him Barack Hussein Obama, not me.”

Could Bill “Joe McCarthy” Cunningham be any more disingenuous, any more ham-handed, any more of a phony prevaricator?

The dirty little fact of political life is that some people are simply dumber than a sack of ..., well Bill “Old Yeller” Cunninghams, come to think ot it.

The talk show spear carrier knew full well that by liberally using Obama’s middle name he would be conjuring up images of Islamic terrorism in a sloppy appeal to the baser instincts of a fearful electorate. And that is tragically sad at best and cheap, sleazy and declasse at worst.

Bill “Uday & Qusay” Cunningham, argued his beef with Obama was that the candidate wanted to close down the prison facilities at Guantanamo, reinstate habeas corpus and eliminate certain provisions of the Patriot Act.

Little wonder Bill “Moammar” Cunningham is so upset. Imagine the gall of a presidential candidate who opposes torture and believes in the Bill of Rights. Obviously this liberalism thing has gone way too far.

McCain is to be commended for disassociating his campaign from the prejudicial, not to mention dunderheaded foaming at the mouth of Bill “Spider Hole” Cunningham.

For his part, the talk show lummox said he was going to throw his political lot in with Ann Coulter, the Eva Braun of the drive-by bloviators.
“I’ve had it with John McCain,” Bill “Wolf’s Lair’ Cunningham pouted.

And you have to suspect the feeling is more than mutual.

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This is probably a textbook case of how to squander a reservoir of public good will.

It may not be fair, but it is undeniably true that some murder victims, even children, sometimes hold a special place in the public’s heart.

Maybe it was Jessica Lunsford’s little pink hat, or perhaps it was that oh so charmingly innocent smile that reached out and grabbed the public in such a achingly painful way.

There was that innocence, which leaped off the page everytime we looked at her photograph.

And then there was the unimaginable way this sweet child died - debased and buried alive at the hands of John Evander Couey, who now sits on death row, a piece of vermin awaiting the eventual arrival of the state’s exterminator.

In a sort of existential way, Jessica was our little girl too. Our tears were shed for her and for her family, especially Jessica’s father Mark, who despite all the outward trappings of being the good ol’ boy from central casting, emerged as a thoughtful, articulate spokesman for his daughter’s memory.

And now - this.

Mark Lunsford intends to sue the Citrus County Sheriff’s Office over its handling of the investigation into Jessica’s disappearance and murder. And that is sad, terribly sad.

Were there mistakes made by the Citrus Sheriff’s Office? Maybe. Possibly. Absolutely.

Every criminal investigation has its shortcomings, but no reasonable person could ever conclude Citrus Sheriff Jeff Dawsy and his deputies didn’t do everything possible to find young Jessica.

For Mark Lunsford to now attempt to haul Dawsy and his department into court only undermines this little girl’s memory and diminishes the considerable measure of goodwill a still grieving father enjoys with the public.

Lunsford should tread very carefully on this legal ground. For while his lawsuit might well reveal errors and omissions Dawsy’s team may have committed in tracking down Couey, Mark Lunsford himself runs the risk of having his own conduct as a parent brought into question as the lawsuit moves forward.

Does he really, really want to expose his own mistakes to be laundered in public?

Is it really worth it? To Mark Lunsford? To Jeff Dawsy? To - Jessica?

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How bad has it gotten for Hillsborough Sheriff David Gee?

Well, let’s put it this way. Roger Clemens had a better week.

In the snippet of time it took for Orient Road Jail Detention Deputy Charlette Marshall-Jones to toss quadriplegic Brian Sterner out of his wheelchair, Gee’s department has become the poster child for every stereotype of the redneck, doltish Southern law enforcement officer. Good grief, this episode made Jackie Gleason’s Sheriff Buford T. Justice from “Smokey & The Bandit,” look like Inspector Morse.

Governor Charlie Crist is aghast and so is Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum. Not good. And it gets even worse.

Hillsborough State Attorney Mark Ober is investigating the incident and there are rumblings even the U.S. Attorney General’s office may start nosing around the treatment of Sterner. Oh dear. But it gets even worse.

Log onto Google, type in: “Hillsborough Sheriff wheelchair,” and you’ll discover nearly 500 versions of this story have been reported - around the world.

The tale of Sterner’s rough treatment in the booking area of the jail at the hands of Marsall-Jones, while other deputies do - nothing, has appeared on televison staions and in newspapers coast-to-coast. But wait. There’s more.

The story has appeared on the BBC World News broadcast. Sterner’s fate also has been reported as far away as India and Australia. And yes, it gets worse.

Since it was posted on YouTube, the Orient Road Jail video of Sterner’s abuse has been viewed more than 52,500 times.

As public relations disasters go, David Gee and his jail have become the Mad Cow Disease meets Michael Vick of corrections.

In time, this too will pass. Discipline will be levied. And Sterner will likely receive a rather large check.

Until then the High Sheriff will simply have to endure being portrayed around the world of overseeing a department of dimwitted bullies straight out of “In The Heat Of The Night.”

This is what happens when the PR Gods are angered. And they are very, very, very wadded these days.

Not good.

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This is what happens when the Democratic National Committee is allowed to fall into the hands of a gaggle of people who are dumber than a sack of anvils, led by the body politics’ answer to the stiff in “Weekend At Bernie’s”

With the exception of DNC chairman - cue the laugh track - Howard Dean and his inner circle of political yard gnomes, the decision to treat Florida Democrats like so many medieval serfs was always known by everyone to be destined to come back and bite these dolts in the keister. And it has.

Because the Republican-controlled Florida Legislature moved up the state’s primary election date to January 29, in violation of DNC rules, Dean, the Yosemite Sam of the hustings, punished the state by denying delegates to any Democrat running for the presidency, which is a bit like beating up your neighbor for something your dog did.

Michigan was similarly punished by the Joan Crawford of the Electoral College.

But you didn’t need to be Nostradamus meets Kreskin to figure out that eventually Dean’s snippy edict would have all the staying power of the Washington Generals holding their own against the Harlem Globetrotters. Florida’s rich delegate field was only to be personna non grata, the black spot of the stump - until somebody needed them.

And that somebody, Hillary Clinton, needs them real, real, real bad.

Now the finagling begins as Clinton, who won the the Florida Primary 50-33 percent over Barack Obama, tries to figure out a way to have the potential 105 delegates she earned be officially recognized and seated at the Democratic Party convention this summer in Denver.

Obama, too, would benefit, with some 67 delegates pledged to his campaign.

Alas there are all manner of problems associated with Howard Dean’s Jim Crowesque decision to disenfranchise millions of votes cast by Florida Democrats.

Should the DNC relent and seat the Florida delegation it would expose Dean and his little friends for the petulant, myopic, small “b” bullies that they are.

What does the DNC say to Florida Democrats who stayed home on election day believing their voice, their will - their vote - didn’t count?

Would the January 29th outcome been different had there actually been a legitimate election? Would the Amendment One initiative on capping property taxes seen a different result had not voter turnout been surpressed by Dean and the DNC?

If, as some politicos have suggested, a sort of “do-over” is conducted in the form of a caucus and Obama, who is currently enjoying a swing of momentum in his favor, were to win what are the odds do you suppose of Hillary Clinton conducting a scorched-earth legal battle to have her original victory recognized?

There is no shortage of hypocrisy at foot here.

Obama has argued it would be unfair to seat the Florida delegation since the Democratic field of presidential candidates didn’t have a chance to campaign in Florida prior to January 29th election.

But that is so much balderdash.

Democratic candidates didn’t campaign in Florida because they were afraid of offending the Luca Brasi of the Beltway and the rest of the DNC.

If Obama lacked the spine to confront what was a patently insane decision by the national party, it is no one else’s fault, but his own.

With so much at stake, who knows how all this will turn out, but we can be reasonably assured whatever happens, it won’t be pretty.

If there was any true justice to be found here, or simply perhaps some delicious irony, wouldn’t it somehow be oh so fitting, and oh so Florida if the state delegation was indeed recognized and seated at the convention and in a well-deserved twist of fate everybody voted for - Dennis Kucinch?

One can always hope, can’t one?

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Judging from the annoyed reaction this was almost the equivalent of opening a Boston Red Sox store across the street from Yankee Stadium.

After a recent column taking note of what a lousy presidential candidate he turned out to be, a number of Rudy Giuliani supporters weighed in, greatly annoyed over being reminded what a lousy presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani turned out to be.

I heard form people who praised his leadership as mayor of New York on 9/11, just as I did in the column.

And I heard from people who insisted he was more than qualified to lead the nation because of his crime-fighting record, yada, yada, yada.

As well some readers were offended that I took note of his rather strange post-comb-over hair style.

Touchy, touchy, touchy.

But here is what pretty much ended all the e-mail whining.

Rudy Giuliani spent $50 million on his campaign and received just one - that’s ONE - delegate. And if that doesn’t qualify the mayor as one of the worst presidential candidates in moder history, I’m hard pressed to find a better example. Well wait, it get’s even worse.

And oh yes, there’s this too, if you’re still thinking on pursuing the fool’s errand in defense of Giuliani’s candidacy. How truly bad, awful, horrible and mismanaged was Rudy’s White House effort?

At one point not all that long ago Rudy Giuliani led all national polls for the presidency. By the time he folded up his campaign, that crazy nut, Ron Paul, R-Black Helicopters, had more delegates with six.

Any candidate this incompetent certainly never deserved any serious consideration for the presidency.

And that - is exactly what happened.

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You would think if you were a sitting member of the United States House of Representatives you would have more than a passing familiarity with what constitutes American citizenship.

Sorry to disappoint, which brings us to Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite, R-Freedonia, who sadly proved this week that simply because one is an elected member of Congress still doesn’t necessarily mean they have a grasp of government, or who is a citizen or who isn’t.

In complaining about the economic stimulus package, which will provide tax rebates, Brown-Waite issued a press release in which, she fretted some of that money might wind up in the wrong hands like those evil foreigners.

“The bill sends millions of dollars to people who do not pay federal income taxes, including residents of Puerto Rico and territories like Guam,” Brown-Waite noted. “I do not believe taxpayer funds should be sent to foreign citizens who do not pay taxes.”

Brown-Waite concluded with this: “As the legislation moves forward, it must be changed to ensure that only taxpaying American citizens receive rebate checks.”

Cue the “Oooooopsie!”

There are moments when you have to believe that some days, pols like Brown-Waite wake up and have someone drop an anvil on their heads.

For the congresswoman’s information, residents of both Guam and Puerto Rico were granted United States citizenship many years ago. And while it is true, according to U.S. law, that they do not pay income taxes, citizens of Guam and Puerto Rico are indeed subjected to payroll abd Social Security taxes.

It is remarkable enough that Brown-Waite revealed that she is dumber than a sack of snipes in her ham-handed dissing of Puerto Rico and Guam, but even more striking is apparently no one on her staff of public relations flacks alerted the boss she was about to make a complete bubblehead of herself.

Sorta makes you wonder what would happen is aspiring glad-handers were required to take and pass a Civics 101 test before they were allowed to assume office.

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Here’s the thing about polling data - when you’re ahead they are prescient and when you’re behind, obviously there’s a flaw in how the numbers were crunched.

And that is how former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge found himself standing in front of the University of Tampa’s Plant Hall awaiting the arrival of John McCain as he tried to explain how some recent polling figures had showed former Gov. Mitt Romney with a thin lead over his man, in the run-up to Tuesday’s Republican presidential primary.

“Whatever the polls show,” Ridge argued, “they’re still so fluid.”

Besides, the former Homeland Security czar reasoned, look at how wrong the polls were in New Hampshire, in which Barack Obama’s lead evaporated into a Hillary Clinton victory, thereby raising a cautionary note in putting too much stock into polls. As well, Ridge proudly noted he is a veteran of eight political campaigns, so he ought to know a thing or two about believing in polls.

But Gov. Ridge, it was pointed out, while the advance polling data may have been wrong when it came to the Democratic race in New Hampshire, were not the same polling organizations dead on in correctly predicting John McCain’s New Hampshire victory?

“That’s true,” Ridge nodded.

And oh, by the way, just out of idle curiosity, of his eight campaigns for various offices, how close were the final election results to the polling figures?

Ridge smiled and shyly nodded his head. “Pretty close, pretty close.”

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Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was dead wrong during Thursday night’s MSNBC Republican debate when he insisted the “Wet Foot/Dry Foot” policy regarding Cubans attempting to enter the country has been U.S. foreign policy for the past 40 years.

Not so. “Wet Foot/Dry Foot,” which allows Cubans entering the United States to stay IF they can reach dry land began in 1995 as a provision of the Cuban Adjustment Act signed by Bill Clinton.

How can a candidate for the presidency of the United States be so ill informed on Cuban immigration policy, especially while campaigning in Florida? Amazing.

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Did you notice the moment Democratic vanity candidate, Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich discovered he was facing a tough re-election battle back home in Cleveland, how quickly he abandoned his delusional presidential campaign?

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By Tuesday night, Rudy Giuliani will know if risking his entire presidential ambitions on Florida was a brilliant political strategy or a decision, which will be regarded as one the most boneheaded moves in the history of campaigning.

“He’s going to make history one way or the other,” laughed Tom Ridge.

Too true, too true.

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In terms of sheer political sleaziness, this exercise in cronyism may go down as the Marc Rich moment for the Bush Administration.

There is a little known U.S. Justice Department program, which allows corporations accused of naughtiness to enter into out-of-court settlements requiring the appointment of an outside “monitor” to oversee the agreements.

And when Zimmer Holdings, a medical supply company in Indiana entered into one of these monitoring agreements with the feds in the wake of charges alleging kickbacks to doctors, guess who received the no-bid/no public notice contract to do the job?

None other than former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, whose consulting firm The Ashcroft Group, according to numerous news accounts, could receive between $28 million and $52 million for its labors over the next 18 months.

The lucrative deal was awarded to Ashcroft, by a former employee, Christopher J. Christie, who is now the United States Attorney for New Jersey, noted The New York Times.

The Times also reported that Christie has doled out similar monitoring contracts to two other former Justice Department colleagues, as well as the former New Jersey attorney general.

These no-bid sweetheart deals normally remain out of the public limelight. But Ashcroft’s good fortune was revealed in a Securities and Exchange Commission filing.

Christie defended his appointment of Ashcroft and his former co-workers to The Times, by arguing they had impeccable legal credentials.

Perhaps so. But this a huge couuntry with many, many, many able legal minds to be found coast-to-coast, who don’t carry the same conflcit of interest baggage as John Ashcroft.

If you think this deal stinks a bit, well so does current Attortney General Michael Musakey, who has ordered a criminal division inquiry into the Ashcroft contract.

This could get interesting. Fun, too.

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Coming soon to a mailbox near you - creeps in full bloom.

For if it is South Carolina primary season, that means the full flower of redneck, yahoo bizarro galoots cannot be far behind.

This didn’t take long did it? And sadly, it is hardly a surprise as this weekend’s South Carolina nears, with Florida soon to to follow, the forces of lying, cowardly disinformation would be spewing their political dirty tricks.

Eight years ago, Republican Sen. John McCain was the victim of a vicious race-baiting, fear-mongeroing campaign in the run-up to the South Carolina presidential primary.

Supporters of then Texas Gov. George W. Bush, labeled McCain the “##### candidate,” with veiled hints the Arizona senator was gay. Rumors were spread McCain was mentally unstable after his more than five years as a POW during the Vietnam War.

As well, a whispering campaign accused McCain of fathering black child, when in fact McCain and his wife Cindy had adopted a Bangladeshi daughter. Ironically it was none other than South Carolina Sen. Strom Thurmond who actually had fathered a black child.

Bush went on to win the South Carolina primary and the presidency, leaving a seething McCain to spend the next eight years preparing for another run for the White House.

Now the yahoos are at it again in 2008.

A phony group called the Vietnam Veterans Against John McCain is circulating a mailer throughout South Carolina accusing the candidate of turning on his fellow prisoners of war in order to receive better treatment for himself from his Vietnamese captors. This is beyond reprehensible.

It’s a lie and the low-lifes perpetuating this lie are sniveling, duplicitous goobers.

By any measure John McCain is a genuine American hero, whose conduct while a POW has been lauded for his bravery by any number of his fellow prisoners.

McCain never asked for, nor received special treatment at the hands of his captors and indeed refused early release from captivity ahead of those who had been imprisoned longer than he.

If you don’t believe John McCain would be a good president, fine. If you think he is wrong on the issues, no problem.

But no voter in South Carolina, or Florida or any other state should deny McCain their vote on the basis of this effort to undermine the senator’s personal integrity and extraordinary bravery.

The chintzy blowhards behind the Vietnam Veterans Against John McCain unfortunately are right about one thing.

It is the dark underbelly of American politics that some people, some voters, are unbelievably stupid and easily manipulated. See: South Carolina, 2000.

It is altogether possible the dolts attempting to smear McCain will bring their disinformation campaign to Florida.

Better plan on having to delouse the mailbox. It’s going to be a bumpy primary.

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Followng the on-going travails of the likes of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and even aspiring wanna be diva, Tampa’s own walking intervention, Jessica Sierra brought to mind and old show business tale of life and death in the fast lane of celebrity.

Many years ago the medical examiner conducting the autopsy on the stiff before him assumed - from the deteriorated organs he was observing - that he was working on a man well into his 80s.

In fact the body was that of Errol Flynn, age 50 , a man for whom moderation in anything, drinking, smoking, sex, was a fate to be avoided at all costs - even his life.

Indeed, in the annals of Hollywood naughtiness the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nick Nolte, Robert Downey, Jr., Mel Gibson, Tom Sizemore and Britney Spears are actually pale pretenders to the dashing Flynn, who set a standard of debauchery the envy of Caligula meets Uday and Qusay.

After all, the phrase “In like Flynn,” gained its currency after the actor was acquitted of statutory rape charges. And at the time of his death, the swashbuckler had been openly traveling about the world in the company of his 16-year-old “wink-wink-nod-nod secretary,” with precious little impact on his career.

So, for most amateur Hollywood historians, dark predictions the careers of the aforementioned Lohan, Gibson, and even Jessice Sierra among others might be derailed because of their drug and/or alcohol problems, their boorish behavior, their revolving door stints in rehab, simply ignore the history of Hollywood.

And they certainly don’t know one of the entertainment business most oft-repeated lines - “You’ll never work in this town again - unless we need you.”

Both Nolte and Downey have rejuvenated their careers after setting the gold standard for mug shots.

And it might come as something of a small surprise to some budding movie buffs to know many of the screen’s greatest, most beloved performers struggled with --- something!

Spencer Tracy was infamous for his binge drinking, although a viewer of his more than 70 films would be hard pressed to discern any trace of his private demons on the screen.

William Holden had to enter a clinic to dry out in the middle of filming “Paris When It Sizzles,” although anyone who has ever had to sit through this hideous movie, could hardly blame any actor for needing to be half in the bag to get through this production.

Long before the Betty Ford Clinic came along, Robert Mitchum did a stretch in jail on a marijuana possession charge, which certainly had to interfere with his drinking time.

Richard Burton, one of acting’s greatest drinkers, once admitted there were movies he made in the 1960s that he had absolutely no memory of - and most of them rightfully so.

Social mores were somewhat more different in Burton’s time. Drinking was more acceptable, more charming.

Together with Richard Harris and Peter O’Toole, Burton formed a trilogy of liver damage unparalleled since, well Errol Flynn last passed out alone.

There have been many other bad boys and girls of Tinsel Town - Robert Newton, Tallulah Bankhead, Charlie Chaplin, Ingrid Bergman, Roman Polanski, Kiefer Sutherland, Drew Barrymore and John Barymore.

The list is as endless as “Heaven’s Gate.”

So while Jessica Sierra and others may wonder what the future holds for their careers, she can think of Flynn and Burton and Holden all the others and take some cold comfort in knowing she is following in some pretty big shoes to fall down in.

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