Posted Jun 24, 2008 at 05:07 PM
Updated Jun 24, 2008 at 04:48 PM
Some years ago when I was with the Chicago Sun-Times, I wrote a travel story about the efforts on the part of some resorts in Jamaica to rebound from the devastating effects of several hurricanes.
As part of my tour of the island, I was taken to a place called Hedonism II, which as you might imagine promoted itself as a destination point for the va-va-va-voom set. The resort held out the promise of unbridled sin and most of all, hyped its “clothing optional” beaches as a gathering spot for all the beautiful people.
So I thought I’d take a peek. Bad idea.
Look, I have nothing against nudity. It comes in handy when one wants to take a shower, for example. And it’s sorta required when two people decide they want to ..., well ....
But I learned an important lesson on that trip. There is no real gentle way to put this, but in my scientific opinion 99.999999999 percent of people who are attracted to nude beaches have absolutely no business flitting about in the altogether in a public place. So stop it, stop it right now! Please.
The nude beach in Jamaica was about as sexy and alluring as a Calcutta ghetto.
And yet, human nature being what it is, there are still people out there who insist in taking their clothes off in public settings. Let’s have a rule - if you are a man unless you have a body that compares favorably to, I don’t know, how about a young Sean Connery, don’t go naked in public. And if you are a woman, unless you are frequently confused with Jessica Alba, or Angelina Jolie, the same goes for you too.
I mention all this because a condo complex here in Hillsborough County recently announced plans for a “clothing optional” swimming area at the Arbors at Branch Creek. One can only hope sanity will eventually prevail.
To be sure some residents were alarmed by this development, fearful their children will be scandalized and they will, too once they get a gander at some middle-aged, balding, guy strutting about in the Full Monty.
I suspect there will be precious little erotica to be found around the pool area, which will more closely resemble a pack of pink beached seals.
Of course, the nude pool area could be a real selling point for Arbors at Branch Creek, offering its residents a place to go to after a hard, stressful day at the office when one really could use a few laughs - big, huge, enormous belly laughs.
Posted by George Dixon, Riverview on 06/30 at 03:07 PM
Daniel, you sure hit the nail on the head about this one. Years ago while working for a large steel company, I went to another department for company business. While there, one of the employees (they called him Porkchop, how fitting), showed us photos he had recently taken on a trip to the nudist resort nearby. Most of the men in the photos looked about as good as Porkchop…....picture a big guy coupled with ......something small. Even if I was a nudist, no way would I want anyone seeing those ghastly photos showing it all, which was showing wayyyyy too much.
Posted by william vlasic, riverview, fl. on 06/29 at 10:36 AM
interesting blog on the nudity thing. I am no prude but i would not want to assault anybody’s eyesight with the sight of me parading around in the full monty (except my wife…she’s used to it).
although i do not always agree with your point of view, your columns are wonderfully written, insightfull and intellectually stimulating. keep up the fine work sir scribbler. please pardon any spelling errors…the mind isn’t what it used to be.
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