The faint praise of the damned

Posted Mar 2, 2010 by Laura Fiorilli

Updated Mar 2, 2010 at 04:38 PM

Look out, Florida voters! Did you think you’d seen enough bloodsucking politicians? Well, a new candidate for governor is coming to town, and he is a self-professed vampire.

Meet Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey. His 2006 bid for governor of Minnesota was the subject of a documentary. His political past includes involvement in a Republican organization in New Jersey, plus bids for Congress from Florida and Indiana, and - an essential item on any nutball’s political resume - a run for president of the United States.

One would not expect the Sunshine State to attract too many vampires, if what we know from books and movies is true. But according to Jonathon Sharkey, we have something that the upper Midwest doesn’t - a functioning political system. In his own words:

Unlike the Nation Republican Party, Florida’s Republican Party, especially in Hillsborough County, has set the standards in this day and age of how the founding members of the GOP envisioned it to be over 150 years ago.

Not just Florida, folks. Hillsborough County. Feeling flattered yet?

It gets weirder. Sharp-toothed Sharkey has had legal troubles surrounding his involvement with a teenage girl. He apparently has seven former wives. He has two kids in Tampa. City Pages has plenty more of his backstory.

But the strangest part of all may be the reaction of Hillsborough Republicans. Will they stick their necks out for this newcomer candidate? Stay tuned.