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Working Mom guilt

Posted Feb 22, 2010 by Beth Gaddis

Updated Feb 22, 2010 at 12:14 PM

I have a massive dose of mommy guilt.  It is pouring down on me like a mudslide, heavy and suffocating.

My baby is sick.  He woke up at 3 a.m. with a 103.8 degree temperature.  I gave him a bottle and some Infant Motrin, rocked him and got him back to sleep about twenty minutes later.  It didn’t last long.  He was screaming again, pulling at his right ear and all-around miserable just before my alarm was supposed to go off at 3:40.

I woke up my husband, who made another bottle and grabbed Chris’ favorite DVD, Classical Baby, which usually soothes him no matter how much he’s crying.  Then I extricated myself from his arms and headed to the bathroom to get ready for work.

A half-hour later, Chris is sobbing uncontrollably, yelling “Mama! Mama!” at the top of his lungs.  More cuddling, nose-wiping and rocking ensued, but when I went downstairs to get him a cup of water, leaving Chris with Carter, he lost it again.

The only thing that calmed him was Mommy.  If I held him, he’d calm down, miserable but at least quiet.  As soon as I left him with Daddy, he’d start screaming his head off, which wasn’t good for anybody’s blood pressure, especially my husband’s, who has had a heart attack.

Then I walked out the door, twenty minutes late for work. 

I know I’m the breadwinner for the family.  I know two of my co-workers are off today and it would be next-to-impossible for me to call in sick.  I know Carter took care of Chris every single day for 13 months and is fully capable of taking care of him.

It doesn’t make the guilt go away. 

I know if I was home, my presence would make my baby feel better.  And nothing is more important than that.