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Parenting ‘in a box’

Posted Dec 14, 2009 by Beth Gaddis

Updated Dec 17, 2009 at 09:52 AM

This could be a gift for you this holiday season. A new Web site has launched to help parents of young children diffuse stress and raise healthy, happy and well-balanced kids.

ParentingCounts.org takes tons of research by the Talaris Institute in Seattle and turns the information into hands-on useful tools to help parents of newborns, toddlers and preschoolers.

It just launched last month.  I talked Friday to Katie Simons, executive director of the Talaris Institute and a mother of two girls, Ella, 3, and Lilly, who was born in April.

The holidays can bring added stress for everyone, including you and your kids.  The Talaris Institute has these tips that can help your family cope with the stress now and throughout the year.

Take five.  Look for opportunities to slow down the pace.  During the holidays, when there are a lot of hustle and bustle, it’s extra important to take the time to let your children talk about their day and have quiet time with you.  But it’s a good rule to remember all the time. And don’t worry if you mess up.

“One of the videos that talks about this is morning madness,” Simons said. “In the video, the mom is rushing around the house, getting ready for work, and the daughter is moping.  The mom knows something is wrong, but she doesn’t have time to get into it.  Then she gets to work and sees her daughter’s lovey, and it’s too late to get it to her.  But she takes the time in the afternoon to talk about it and repairs it.  Research shows time and time again that it’s totally OK to make a mistake, but the important thing to is fix it as best as you can.” 

Explain the schedule. As the holidays bring changes in your regular routine, communicate what’s going to come next.  It will save you from temper tantrums.  Also, watch your child for cues, Simons said.  If your child’s tired and it’s her usual naptime or bedtime, change your schedule to accommodate the child’s.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  It’s better to surprise children with something unexpected than to promise and not be able to fulfill that promise, Simons said.  While we all know this, the dangers of false promises can be heightened during the holidays.

Simons told this story about a friend. “She got her kids all excited about going to see Santa and had been hyping it up all week.  But when they got there, the line was wrapped all around the building and it was freezing and raining and they couldn’t stay. And, of course, her kids were devastated.”

If you’ve ever had something like this happen to you, check out the video called “Dad’s Club” that’s about coming up with a Plan B. 

Prepare for visiting family.  Try to include children in the day’s activities in specific ways, but provide them with an “out” if all the activity and interaction becomes overwhelming. 

“There are two parts to this one.” Simons said. “One part is the upfront communication, explaining the schedule and promises.  The other piece that is different is following your child’s cues, which is a huge theme in the research.

“If the child is jumping up and down, you could say let’s read a book, or you could go with, ‘Hey, great jumping, but let’s go outside where it’s safer to jump around.’”

Although babies don’t come instruction books, ParentingCounts.org attempts to make parenting as easy as possible. “It’s parenting in a box,” Simons said. “At this point we have 140 different products for parents and educators and home visitors, who are trained professional who visit high-risk families.  It’s all about teaching strong parental behavior.”

Want to view videos for free? Click here to go to the demonstration page, scroll to the bottom and choose ‘click here.’

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