If you found out your daughter’s boyfriend had physically assaulted her, a number of things might run through your mind, some of them, perhaps, outside the law. But there’s no doubt you would do everything in your power to keep him away from her.

Your daughter or her friends might see it differently.

After news came out that entertainer Chris Brown had allegedly attacked his girlfriend Rihanna (that’s them in a December photo), an online survey of more than 500 teens and ‘tweens revealed that 40 percent believed the two should not split up.

Pangea Pulse, which runs a teen survey Web site, asked this question:

Do you think Rihanna should leave Chris Brown for assulting her?
• Yes, she should leave him, domestic violence is never okay.  60%
• No, people make mistakes, they should try to work it out. 24%
• No, this could be Rihanna’s fault. She must have done something wrong. 16%
Here are some of the comments received. The first are those who think the couple should split up:
* i think she should leave chris but they are so cute together
* She had better leave him. That was an a-hole thing for him to do, especially before the Grammys. If she doesn’t, I will never listen to her music again. I’m already refusing to listen to his.
* yea volence isnt okay but they should go 2 coucling!!! i think they’ll be fine
From the 16 percent who believe it could have been Rihanna’s fault:
* Maybe Chris was kinda partying and maybe he didn’t know what he was doing. But IDK I still like him and I feel kinda bad for him. I’m sorry but, IDK
*  It’s probably that B**** fault and chris should dump her ugly A**
*  OMFG PPL! this is almost most deffinetly a rumor!!!!!!!!!!!! no offence but you ppl r stupid
This might be a good time to talk to your teens and tweens about dating violence.

If you are worried about your son or daughter, or if you want some reading to get you stoked to have this talk, pick up a copy of “But I Love Him: Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships,” by Jill Murray.

The author describes warning signs that your child is getting in over her head. I use the feminine pronoun because overwhelmingly girls are more likely to be victims. One recent study said more than one in three female high school and college students says she has experienced violence in a dating relationship.

If something about your daughter’s boyfriend makes you feel uncomfortable, the author suggests you read through this list to determine if she could be in danger.

* Before my daughter met her boyfriend, she had more friends than she does now.
* Her grades have declined in the past weeks or months.
* Before she started dating him, she was more outgoing and involved with her family, school activities and/or place of worship.
* She frequently cries or is very sad.
* If he pages or calls her, she must be available immediately.
* He told her he loved her early in the relationship.
* He is jealous if she looks at or speaks casually with another boy.
* He accuses her of behavior she doesn’t engage in.
* He is aggressive in other areas of his life: He puts his fist through walls or closets, bangs his fist to make a point or throws things when angry.
* He frequently roughhouses or play-wrestles with her.
* She makes excuses for his poor behavior or says it’s her fault.
* They talk on the phone several times a day or for long periods.
* He has a “tragic” home life: He is or was physically abused or verbally demeaned, and/or one or both parents are alcoholics or use drugs.
* He drinks or uses drugs.
* He frequently gives her “advice” about her choice of friends, hairstyles, clothes or makeup.
* He calls her demeaning names, then laughs and tells her he was only kidding and that she’s too sensitive.
* She has become secretive since she started dating him.
* She is miserable whenever she is apart from him.
* She has recently become very critical of her appearance, talents or abilities.
* She frequently has to explain herself to her boyfriend or often says she’s sorry.
* She has bruises she cannot explain or appears nervous about explaining.

The scary thing is that often the attentiveness of a controlling boyfriend is first seen as a sign that he loves her. Many girls, especially insecure ones, find themselves tempted by that kind of pseudo-devotion.

If you think your daughter or son could be in an abusive relationship, call The Spring’s 24-hour hotline at (813) 247-SAFE (7233). Counselors at The Spring, a domestic violence shelter and education service, can help you figure out what to do.