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Don’t know she does it? The secret is Kate Reddy doesn’t

Posted Sep 14, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Sep 14, 2011 at 11:37 AM

I first read Allison Pearson’s novel, “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” almost a decade ago. It was pretty funny, from what I remembered. Good, breezy chick lit.

I didn’t have kids.

I re-read it this month (in the evenings, while my 2-year-old slept) with frustration, annoyance and some sadness. The book – now a movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker in theaters Sept. 16 – showcases the juggling act of the working mom. And heroine Kate Reddy’s dirty little secret about “how she does it,” how she balances home and career, is that she doesn’t.

Or when she does, she doesn’t do any of it well.

For every work-related success Kate experiences, there’s a child left at home sick with the nanny or pawned off on friends. There are school concerts missed and vacations cut short and gifts lavished on the children to make up for the time deficits.

At work, she’s lying about why she’s late, ducking out for school appointments and forgetting important deadlines.

She has no time for friends or her husband and exhausts herself trying to be perfect at everything. Instead, she’s a wreck and keeps letting her job run her life while it ruins it.

It’s basically the scenario you fear when you return to work after maternity leave.

You want to yell at Kate to quit, that she’s ruining her children. That all the material goodies don’t mean anything to kids who just want their mom.

And then, if you’re me, you tell your son that you’re sorry, you can’t do a puzzle with him right now and we have to wait until tonight to get out the Play-Doh, because if he doesn’t finish putting on his shirt and shoes and socks and get into his car seat, we are going to be late to day care and then mommy is going to be late to work and she has a 9 a.m. interview scheduled that she can’t miss because she is on deadline. And if she gets fired, she can’t pay the mortgage.

And you hope that some short but quality playtime after work where you give undivided attention (before cooking dinner and doing the laundry) helps compensate a little bit.

And you feel mommy guilt.

It wasn’t a lot of fun to relive those feelings as I read about Kate working through hers. I don’t think want to pay $10 to see it all play out on the movie screen, either.

But the “I Don’t Know How She Does It” trailers and promotional campaign make me wonder if we’re talking about the same story.

They’re pitching it as a perfect “girls’ night out.” You could even enter online to win a trip for two to New York for the film’s premier. Somehow, I don’t think your “plus one” is supposed to be your toddler who can’t yet sit through the entire “Cars” movie.

The web site has a section with helpful hints for us moms, like must-haves for your purse. Ha. The site recommends a caffeine eye roller (so I don’t look so tired), ear plugs, lip tint and a portable toothbrush to brush on the go.

My purse? Crammed full with a squeaky dinosaur, umbrella, pens, wadded up recipe to try, Goldfish dust, lipstick with a mashed tip thanks to toddler, sunscreen, expired coupons, list of web sites to update with my new credit card number, reusable shopping bag, frequent shopper cards and an old sticky note reminding myself to do something I already forgot about.

I guess I could throw in a caffeine eye-roller-thingie, too.

You can also play a game online where you help a cartoon Kate catch as many things as she can that are falling on her. You get points for every baby carriage, coffee cup, magazine, soccer ball and more than you catch.

Isn’t it so fun to try to hold onto everything and do it well? Isn’t it funny how the stuff rains down faster and faster until you can’t do it?

Parts of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” are hysterical. I loved Kate’s observations on men vs. women, her stream-of-consciousness to-do lists and the ways she fakes bringing in homemade desserts to school events.

But the book is not exactly a funny romp through motherhood. Parts are heartbreaking.

I remind myself that Kate is an extreme sketch of a working mom. She is not me.

I may not have found a perfect balance, but I don’t regret returning to my job. Well, most days. I love the chance to do something that interests me, to flex my creativity, to go to the bathroom unaccompanied. My son does well in day care. He learns a lot and is building friendships and social skills.

We have our bad days – once I had to drag him into the office, keeping him quiet with cheese crackers (the least awful thing I found in the vending machine) while I finished a story. Another time I had to talk to my boss from home, and I ducked into my bedroom because my son was screaming in another room and I couldn’t comfort him and answer my editor’s questions.

Wow, my boss said, overhearing. He’s pretty upset.

Yeah, I said. He wants his momma.

That’s why I can’t rush right out and see the movie. I am all for moms making time for themselves. Everyone needs a break – I run regularly, go to a monthly book club and have occasional girls’ nights. I just can’t see myself using my break to see a movie that reminds me how I am not spending enough time with my child.

I think I’ll wait for Netflix. We’ll build some cars out of Play-Doh tonight instead.