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Review: I’m not Martha but I can pretend

Posted Sep 27, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Sep 27, 2011 at 02:56 PM

We’re entering the time of year when I get an itch to craft.

I’m not a spectacular crafter. I tend to do more shopping than actual creating. I can’t sew. But I follow directions well, I have a decent eye for detail and I can wield a paintbrush OK. With Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas approaching, I am finding myself brainstorming seasonal mantel displays, front-door wreaths, centerpieces, ornaments and gifts.

And thanks to my Pinterest addiction and now a new book from Martha Stewart, I have enough ideas to craft from now til, oh, December 2014.

Martha Stewart’s Handmade Holiday Crafts (Potter Craft, $24.99) went on sale today, but I was lucky enough to get to pour over a review copy ahead of time. Martha’s newest craft book focuses only on holidays, and it made me swoon. I found plenty to do in the next three months (Glitter pumpkins? Rickrack? Yes, please!) but also got ideas for Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day and even the Fourth of July. The Easter egg section puts my Paas dyes to shame (herbs+pantyhose=wow), and I foresee myself making lots of little pom-pom creatures just because they are irresistible.

Pom-pom turkeys. I mean, really.

Included in the 225 projects are some crafts especially for kids as well as ideas that require a more delicate touch. And while the Internet is a wonderful place for ideas and discussions, I appreciate having the crafts in a hard-copy format that I can prop on the table and refer to as I am creating. I don’t like Mod Podge on my iPad, after all.

If you want to get a jump on one of the crafts featured, here are the gorgeous glittered pumpkins.

You’ll find the directions here. I would splurge for Martha’s own glitter, like this set, because I love the colors and shimmer.

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Does free formula make you not want to breastfeed?

Posted Sep 26, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Sep 26, 2011 at 03:13 PM

My relationship with breastfeeding was a lot more complicated than a few free samples of formula.

I’ve written about it before but the summary is: best of intentions, lots of problems, stopped early, lingering guilt, awesome kid. But the goody bag I got in the hospital of a couple free servings of formula, coupons and a free vinyl diaper bag had nothing to do with my decision-making.

Nevertheless, there’s a movement afoot (was tempted to say abreast but opted to spare you the bad pun) to get rid of those free samples. The concern is that they set you up for failure by giving you a way out before you’ve really given breastfeeding a chance.

It’s “like giving somebody divorce papers at their wedding,” a mom says in the Associated Press article.

For me, formula was more safety net than easy out. I put the samples in the pantry, and there they stayed until one day, months later, when I actually did need it. And when I needed them, I was grateful to just open the pantry door and not have to run out to the store on some sort of emergency formula hunt while my baby screamed because he was hungry.

It wasn’t his first taste of formula, either – shh! My son had some as a newborn in the hospital, when I was having trouble feeding him. That probably puts my hospital among the 95 percent of U.S. hospitals that are “baby-unfriendly,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, because they don’t “fully support breastfeeding.”

On the other hand, this same hospital had provided me with a breastfeeding class and lactation consultants during and after my stay. That sounds baby-friendly (and mother-friendly) to me. Does the formula they offered, which I accepted, cancel that out?

It doesn’t in my eyes. I knew what I was doing and made my choices based on my research, classes and finally what was best for me and my son. That’s a lot to think about when you’re post-partum, and I can see how some mothers might think the hospital is endorsing formula-feeding by doling out the free samples.

It’s confusing and overwhelming to have a newborn, and if breastfeeding turns out to be hard, maybe the samples encourage new mothers to stop earlier than they would otherwise – or not try at all. But why women breastfeed (or don’t breastfeed) is way more complex than a sample pack. That decision can hinge on family pressures, physical problems, whether you return to work and more.

All I wanted was for my son to eat. I preferred he have breast milk, but if we needed to supplement at first until we figured out how this whole thing worked, then OK. I didn’t need anyone telling me in the meantime that formula was evil and I just needed to try harder.

Let’s offer new moms all the support in the world for breastfeeding, but let’s do it without demonizing other choices. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

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Can’t get behind these Santa diapers

Posted Sep 22, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Sep 22, 2011 at 01:17 PM

I just don’t know about these.

Huggies has a new line of “designer diapers” that just came out today if you want to start stocking up for the holidays. The press release pitches them as the “latest in diaper fashion,” a category I did not know existed until today. They’re little Santa pants, and – to be honest – I find them a bit creepy.

Maybe it’s the belt or the “fur” trim. Maybe thinking of Santa in his undies creeps me out. Maybe it’s my preference for keeping my kid in pants (or onesies, when he was younger). I think I must be the target audience, living in Florida, one of the few places that will be toasty enough for babies to run around pantsless in December. But it’s just not for me.

I’m not a fancy diaper person. Diapers, to me, serve a purpose and as long as they go on and off easily and don’t leak, I’m good. I never embraced the jeans diapers, either. One time I briefly lost my mind and picked up a pack of the Cynthia Rowley designer diapers at Target, and then I saw the price tag and put them right back down.

But, hey, if it’s your thing, you can get them now at Babies R Us, in stores and online. At $12.29 for 25 festive dipes (that’s 49 cents per change) or $41.99 for 140 Little Movers (30 cents per change), this Mama Grinch is going with the Plain Jane Huggies.

Babies R Us promises me that the Santa panties will help “spread holiday joy by making your little one the coolest and cutest around.” I think I’ll hold out and save my pennies for some really cute holiday jammies instead.

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Don’t know she does it? The secret is Kate Reddy doesn’t

Posted Sep 14, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Sep 14, 2011 at 10:37 AM

I first read Allison Pearson’s novel, “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” almost a decade ago. It was pretty funny, from what I remembered. Good, breezy chick lit.

I didn’t have kids.

I re-read it this month (in the evenings, while my 2-year-old slept) with frustration, annoyance and some sadness. The book – now a movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker in theaters Sept. 16 – showcases the juggling act of the working mom. And heroine Kate Reddy’s dirty little secret about “how she does it,” how she balances home and career, is that she doesn’t.

Or when she does, she doesn’t do any of it well.

For every work-related success Kate experiences, there’s a child left at home sick with the nanny or pawned off on friends. There are school concerts missed and vacations cut short and gifts lavished on the children to make up for the time deficits.

At work, she’s lying about why she’s late, ducking out for school appointments and forgetting important deadlines.

She has no time for friends or her husband and exhausts herself trying to be perfect at everything. Instead, she’s a wreck and keeps letting her job run her life while it ruins it.

It’s basically the scenario you fear when you return to work after maternity leave.

You want to yell at Kate to quit, that she’s ruining her children. That all the material goodies don’t mean anything to kids who just want their mom.

And then, if you’re me, you tell your son that you’re sorry, you can’t do a puzzle with him right now and we have to wait until tonight to get out the Play-Doh, because if he doesn’t finish putting on his shirt and shoes and socks and get into his car seat, we are going to be late to day care and then mommy is going to be late to work and she has a 9 a.m. interview scheduled that she can’t miss because she is on deadline. And if she gets fired, she can’t pay the mortgage.

And you hope that some short but quality playtime after work where you give undivided attention (before cooking dinner and doing the laundry) helps compensate a little bit.

And you feel mommy guilt.

It wasn’t a lot of fun to relive those feelings as I read about Kate working through hers. I don’t think want to pay $10 to see it all play out on the movie screen, either.

But the “I Don’t Know How She Does It” trailers and promotional campaign make me wonder if we’re talking about the same story.

They’re pitching it as a perfect “girls’ night out.” You could even enter online to win a trip for two to New York for the film’s premier. Somehow, I don’t think your “plus one” is supposed to be your toddler who can’t yet sit through the entire “Cars” movie.

The web site has a section with helpful hints for us moms, like must-haves for your purse. Ha. The site recommends a caffeine eye roller (so I don’t look so tired), ear plugs, lip tint and a portable toothbrush to brush on the go.

My purse? Crammed full with a squeaky dinosaur, umbrella, pens, wadded up recipe to try, Goldfish dust, lipstick with a mashed tip thanks to toddler, sunscreen, expired coupons, list of web sites to update with my new credit card number, reusable shopping bag, frequent shopper cards and an old sticky note reminding myself to do something I already forgot about.

I guess I could throw in a caffeine eye-roller-thingie, too.

You can also play a game online where you help a cartoon Kate catch as many things as she can that are falling on her. You get points for every baby carriage, coffee cup, magazine, soccer ball and more than you catch.

Isn’t it so fun to try to hold onto everything and do it well? Isn’t it funny how the stuff rains down faster and faster until you can’t do it?

Parts of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” are hysterical. I loved Kate’s observations on men vs. women, her stream-of-consciousness to-do lists and the ways she fakes bringing in homemade desserts to school events.

But the book is not exactly a funny romp through motherhood. Parts are heartbreaking.

I remind myself that Kate is an extreme sketch of a working mom. She is not me.

I may not have found a perfect balance, but I don’t regret returning to my job. Well, most days. I love the chance to do something that interests me, to flex my creativity, to go to the bathroom unaccompanied. My son does well in day care. He learns a lot and is building friendships and social skills.

We have our bad days – once I had to drag him into the office, keeping him quiet with cheese crackers (the least awful thing I found in the vending machine) while I finished a story. Another time I had to talk to my boss from home, and I ducked into my bedroom because my son was screaming in another room and I couldn’t comfort him and answer my editor’s questions.

Wow, my boss said, overhearing. He’s pretty upset.

Yeah, I said. He wants his momma.

That’s why I can’t rush right out and see the movie. I am all for moms making time for themselves. Everyone needs a break – I run regularly, go to a monthly book club and have occasional girls’ nights. I just can’t see myself using my break to see a movie that reminds me how I am not spending enough time with my child.

I think I’ll wait for Netflix. We’ll build some cars out of Play-Doh tonight instead.

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Keep it simple, moms

Posted Aug 25, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Aug 25, 2011 at 02:50 PM

We have a great pediatrician.

Yes, we. Even though my son is the one who gets the exams (and the shots!), I walk away from our appointments feeling better. I can read all I want about child development and illnesses, but nothing is more reassuring than having a doctor who knows your child there, in person, to answer whatever is nagging at you.

Mostly what I ask involves me trying to gauge my panic level. He’s not eating/sleeping/pooping … how worried should I be?

Mostly the answers involve: relax, it’s normal behavior.

Which doesn’t mean the doctor dismisses my concerns. If he did that, I would have found another practice several appointments ago. But he has a way of giving perspective and offering practical advice that makes me wonder sometimes if I am making parenting much more complicated than it needs to be.

I came to my son’s 2-year-old well-child appointment this week with my list of questions. Our main issues right now involve sleeping (not enough) and eating (not enough), though no one could say that Nate is suffering from either. He’s plenty active, and his weight is in the 50th percentile. So something is working.

The pediatrician listened and sympathized and then gave his advice. On the sleeping – put him back in bed when he climbs out. On the eating – don’t let him fill up with milk, give a multivitamin to fill in the gaps and continue to put healthy choices in front of him. And if he is being completely stubborn? It’s OK for him to feel hungry if he rejects his dinner.

Oh.

I can do that.

I’ve been reading books, posting on message boards and reading blogs, filled with tips and gimmicks to try. I bought “lunch punches” to cut out funny sandwich shapes, hoping it would entice my son to take a bite. I tried shaving zucchini into ribbons (he called them snakes) and turning it into patties (he ate them one night and never touched them again) to no avail.

I debated Cry It Out vs. Sleep Lady Shuffle with my husband and the pros and cons of both, experimented with earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, crib, no crib and special stuffed animals.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these attempts. For some kids, a little change might be just what they need to nudge them were we need/want them to be. But before I get so far down the road of creative foods or sleep strategies, I need to first start with the obvious. I enjoyed my shredded zucchini cakes, after all, but maybe the bigger issue is that Nate had so much whole milk that he wasn’t even hungry.

I felt better when we left the pediatrician’s office. I didn’t have a plan to follow, just common-sense parenting that should be obvious but easy to overlook.

Sometimes getting back to the basics is just what the doctor ordered.

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