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Ask before taking kids to holiday parties

Posted Dec 8, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Dec 8, 2011 at 11:13 AM

I didn’t invite children to my wedding.

There was no fairy-like flower girl, scattering rose petals on the aisle. No ring-bearer, dapper in a teeny little bow tie and formal suit.

We lucked out; barely any of our friends or family had young children, so no one (to my knowledge) felt left out. But the truth is, I would do it again, even though now most of us do have kids.

Of course, I like kids – especially my own! – but I know they’re not for everyone in every place. I wanted an adult wedding, with candles and sunset and grownup food and drink, and no worries about children fussing during the ceremony or running wild on the dance floor.

So it’s OK with me if you don’t want to invite my kid to your party.

This doesn’t go over well with all parents. A friend of mine told me about how her friend throws an adults-only holiday party annually, and every year someone violates the request because they can’t find a sitter.

Message boards online are filled with anger on both sides. Hosts spend a lot of time and money on food and drinks and creating ambiance; they don’t want their wineglasses jostled by kids chasing each other around the living room. Guests take it personally when they have to choose between their friends and their family.

Toddlers, particularly, change the dynamic of social situations. They want your attention and they want to explore. This doesn’t make it easy to have a relaxed conversation over a glass of wine. In my house, those conversations usually end with my son telling me “stop talking” or climbing on something inappropriate.

I couldn’t complete conversations with my friends at a Christmas party last year. All my then-1-year-old wanted to do was run onto the lanai, poke the window screen, chase the cat and bang on pots and pans. A few months ago, I got stuck outside by myself in a drizzle, because my son wanted to play in the rain when everyone else at the party fled inside.

It’s a bit better when my husband comes. We can at least divide and conquer. One of us eats and socializes while the other steers the little guy away from hazards. Then we switch.

Older children can occupy themselves better, but they find trouble, too. My friend’s daughter was 6 or 7 when she accidentally tried a rum ball at a holiday party, thinking it was a doughnut hole. She spit it out on the spot.

And even if the kids are perfect angels, just knowing they’re there makes some grownups tense. They want to be able to have adult beverages and use adult language without guilt.

Though that might seem like a silly reason to bump kids off the invite list, different people have different expectations for their parties.

If you like a little Christmas chaos, go ahead and include the kids. Offer juice and beer, chicken nuggets and chicken wings. Play holiday specials on TV, let kids pin the star on the paper tree, put your nice ornaments up high and don’t light the candles.

If you want cocktails and fondue, dim lighting and sparkling décor, let your guests know to leave their pint-sized plus-ones at home.

An adults-only invitation doesn’t mean the hosts hate your children. They just don’t want to party with them all the time. And your friends can’t make an exception for your well-adjusted offspring and say no to another friend’s hellion.

I’m sure your child, like mine, is perfect. You can tell me all about it the next time we meet at a party—that is, if we can get a moment to sit down and talk. Doesn’t sound likely, huh? Maybe you should just e-mail me.

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Super Hero Saturday comes to the Glazer Children’s Museum

Posted Nov 25, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Nov 23, 2011 at 04:03 PM

Cookie is coming!

The Glazer Children’s Museum is celebrating the upcoming Sesame Street Live shows with a superhero extravaganza on Saturday.

Cookie Monster will greet kids at the museum from 10 a.m. til noon. Kids who arrive dressed as their favorite superhero can get museum admission for $5. There will be superhero activities throughout the day – storytelling, face-painting, fitness and creating superhero cuffs and masks.

Sensing a theme? The Sesame Street show, at the St. Pete Times Forum Nov. 29 and 30, features “Elmo’s Super Heroes.”

Families will have a chance at the museum to register to win tickets to the show.

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Family-friendly IKEA makes Black Friday more bearable

Posted Nov 23, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Nov 23, 2011 at 03:35 PM

My husband has had a series of night shifts recently, and I was starting to run out of ideas for entertainment and dinners for me and the little dude.

And then I thought: IKEA.

When I was single, I killed many an off day wandering through the megastore’s fake living rooms, looking for inspiration and cheap pick-me-ups for my apartment. After my husband and I got married, we trekked there with wedding gift money to buy shelving units and turned it into a date, getting dinner at a mall nearby and capping it off with a movie.

Then I moved to Florida and went into IKEA withdrawal for a few years before, happily, one of the stores arrived in Tampa just in time for me to furnish a nursery.

Now I run there for necessities (I have a generous view of what is actually a necessity), meatballs and air-conditioned entertainment. It’s fabulously kid-friendly, even if your tot isn’t old enough to take advantage of the play area. My son has a knack for falling asleep in his stroller there, conveniently so I can browse the home furnishings, and waking up when we get to the kiddie section, where he plays on the slides and chairs and tinkers in the toy kitchen.

From there, we hop to the cafeteria where I can get my meatballs (cheap) and he gets his mac and cheese and applesauce (cheaper). They even have bottle warming stations and free diapers if you need them.

So it should be no surprise that the store thought of families for Black Friday.

The IKEA Tampa Kids’ Academy is running free activities for children under 12 this month and next. They last 20 minutes and take place several times on select dates to fit your schedule whether you’re a morning or evening shopper.

Children get a free meal and academy T-shirt and can make pom-pom Christmas trees, handprint turkeys, origami, ornaments, cards and more, depending on the day.

On Friday, children will make wrapping paper using MALA paints. The first session starts at 11 a.m.

Kids can also take advantage (whether they do the academy or not) of free meals this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Combo meals worth $2.49 are free those days for children 12 and younger.

But you’re not just going to wander into IKEA for fun on one of the busiest shopping days of the year. You’re there to shop.

One highlight is the MALA easel, marked down from $14.99 to $9.99 Friday only.

Soft toys are half off, too, Friday through Sunday. They come in a variety of sizes for standalone gifts or stocking stuffers, all ridiculously huggable, and $1 from each purchase is donated to Save the Children and UNICEF through Dec. 24.

My favorite was the mama and baby elephant pair, but they also had a bulldog, a shark, bears and even broccoli. Maybe cuddling with broccoli makes you more interested in eating it?

The Soft Toy campaign has donated $47.5 million since 2003. And you can do good with your holiday cards, too. IKEA sells UNICEF cards, festive seasonal cards, and donates 100 percent of the sales price plus $1 per pack to the charity.

 

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Taking Penn State’s fall personally

Posted Nov 10, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Nov 10, 2011 at 12:30 PM

I stayed up too late last night, watching my school crumble on national television and wondering why I was so upset.

The real pain from the sexual abuse scandal that toppled Penn State leaders this week belongs, of course, to the victims. None of the sadness, disgust or anger that I feel as an alumna can match that. And it’s not like I ever played football – why do I feel like coach Joe Paterno let me down personally?

I’m what they call in college admissions a legacy student. My parents both graduated from Penn State (in fact, they got married there), and the school was in my blood from birth.

Living mostly in college towns, my family casually followed professional sports, but Penn State was our only football team. My brother and I knew at an early age that we could taunt my father by mentioning Alabama years after the Nittany Lions lost the national championship game in 1979. I watched my dad march in the Alumni Blue Band in homecoming parades and halftime shows, long before I enrolled there. My grandparents, season ticket holders, tailgated before games for decades.

When we moved to Virginia in the mid-’80s, my dad was excited about the cheap vanity plates and immediately ordered a “Joepa” license plate for the Subaru. He really wanted one car to be “Joepa” and the other to be “Terno.” My mom nixed that last part.

We joke that we moved to Pennsylvania when I was in high school for the in-state tuition. I considered other colleges, but a scholarship, the honors program and my own history made Penn State my top choice.

I never regretted it. I don’t regret it now. But I suddenly feel self conscious about what I am showing my support for as I drive around Tampa with my Penn State license plate and lion’s paw on the rear window. I had been dressing my 2-year-old son in his “Linebacker U” T-shirt every Saturday – this week I shoved it to the bottom of his clothing pile.

I’m disgusted. I expected better. I never paid a lot of attention to the Alma Mater, sung before the games (it was funnier to us to sing alternative lyrics), but the fourth verse keeps playing in my head: “May no act of ours bring shame.”

Well, I’m ashamed. We may have to wait for years for the legal ramifications to shake out, but something went horribly wrong. Former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky – a man revered for years in State College for his football abilities and community outreach – is charged with molesting eight boys. A witness, who now is an assistant coach himself, reported a particularly harrowing assault to Paterno.

And then nothing happened. We don’t know what exactly was said in what detail and whether anyone suggested calling police, which should be a no-brainer any time there’s a hint of an adult abusing a child. That’s the part I can’t get past. One of the things I loved about the football program was that it was a “clean program,” where character was as important as winning.

I no longer have that illusion.

I wish Paterno could have ended his historic career – 46 seasons – with dignity. A few years ago, after a lousy season, others demanded his resignation, but I wanted him to stay longer for a chance to go out on top. Now his team will play its final home football game of the season without its leader. It is going to be painful to watch.

But I look at my son and think that it couldn’t have ended any other way. The bottom line of this story is children, not football.

I’ve seen a lot of chatter online this week from distraught alumni and friends who are telling their children not to apply to Penn State. This is a mistake. The school needs good students more than ever to show everyone that Penn State is so much more than this scandal. It is cutting-edge research, accomplished alumni, millions raised for childhood cancer through its annual dance marathon.

I keep reminding myself of this, even though my entire life I have considered Penn State the university and Penn State the football program to be the same thing. It’s not. The fallout shouldn’t ruin my memories or students’ futures. As painful as the shakeup this week was, the university needed to make a big public statement that its leaders had failed the students, alumni, community and kids, and that it is going to do better.

I believe it will.

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Honor a heroic kid at St. Joe’s awards

Posted Nov 7, 2011 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Nov 4, 2011 at 01:24 PM

It’s amazing what kids can do.

One year, a child pulled an accident victim from a burning car. Another saved a sibling from a dog attack. One went the extra mile in befriending a special-needs student at school. Others have volunteered for charity, donated to the needy or cut their hair for cancer patients.

For 14 years, St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital has made sure these kids and others got special recognition for their good deeds. The hospital’s “Kids are Heroes” program has spotlighted more than 1,300 children ages 5 to 18 from Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco, Polk, Manatee and Hernando counties.

The hospital looks for kids who perform heroic tasks, act selflessly or demonstrate good citizenship. And it wants your help.

You have until Nov. 11 to nominate a young hero for the award.

You don’t want them to miss out.

“We encourage parents, teachers, loved ones and friends to brag a bit about the amazing kids in their lives,” Kimberly Guy, the hospital’s chief operating officer, said in a news release. “We want to hear about the wonderful things kids are doing to make a positive impact at home and in our community.”

Past and present pediatric patients – with help from Tampa Bay Lightning player Steven Stamkos —serve as judges to select the heroes.

All nominees and their families are honored in a special ceremony. The winners in each category get special gifts from the hospital, Lightning and other sponsors.

Make your nomination by calling (813) 870-KIDS or logging on to St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital’s web site.

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