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Photo Galleries: So. Beach | Pillsbury Bake-Off
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A: When the shovel starts to melt.
You turn 250, people get a little excited.
Like the good folks in Austria. Reportedly, they’re crazy-for-Cocoa-Puffs over the 250th anniversary of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s birthday.
Bloomberg News is reporting that the government is spending more than $122 million to promote the yearlong celebration. The “Mozart Year’’ has inspired a wave of unlikely souvenirs marketed under the composer’s name, including salami, bottled water and wine.
But Austrians are already used to Wolfie exploitation. Salzburg has long exploited its status as Mozart’s hometown, with shops selling “Mozartkugeln,’’ chocolate balls filled with pistachio cream.
Some people get really worked up about their snack candy.
Speaking of cheesy products, I stumbled across one that almost made me lose my cookies: Cheetos lip balm.
It’s made by the same people who make A&W Root Beer lip balm, Hostess Twinkie lip balm and Jelly Belly lip balms.
Almost as bad as the corn dog air freshener. Smells just like a carny on probation.
What do you do when your football team sucks, your quarterback is washed up and you live in a place that’s frozen for five months out of the year?
You create fashion accessories made of meat and dairy products.
These people need professional counseling. Or another glass of beer. But definitely one of the two.
Okay, so a while back, we went with some friends to a place in Pinellas Park called Quaker Steak and Lube. Themed like a restaurant inside a gas station - I know, I know - it nonetheless offers the ultimate in guy comfort food. Onion rings served vertically on a car antenna, monster burgers piled high, “atomic” wings you have to sign a release form to eat.
Then there’s the automotive decorative motif. Corvettes and Indian motorcycles dangling from ceilings and load-bearing walls. A TV showing races in the lobby that is lodged in the floor and surrounded by diamond plate.
Being a NASCAR freak, I entirely and completely dig the place, to the extent that I bring friends there who have yet to witness its greatness. I wear a black ballcap (yes, I’m 40 and immature) with the words The Lube stitched elegantly above the bill.
To complete the American dining experience, I of course paid for our meal with a credit card. The same card that a while back I used to register for that Upromise program that allegedly takes a percentage of your spending on certain items and tucks it away for college savings. Hey, I’m an optimist.
So imagine my glee when I saw this statement come back in the mail:
You mean I can actually make money eating crap at a restaurant I love?
Load up the truck, Jethro. Time for the hillbillies to eat.
Maybe it’s just me, but if I were the producers of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,’’ I’d be writing checks to New Orleans annointing the city as Willie Wonka-worthy.
I mean, tell Johnny Depp to put his goofy top hat on and get his heinie to NOLA to shake hands with Ray Nagin. STAT!
We’ve got unwanted deluxe-edition DVDs to move, people!
An quasi-unrelated thought: Augustus Gloop would make a great band name.
Saw this story and thought, “Jackie should run for mayor with someone on her ticket dressed as Mrs. Butterworth.
JACKSONVILLE—An activist who was arrested after disrupting a City Council meeting in an Aunt Jemima costume has been banned by the council president from attending meetings until the end of March.
The San Antonio Express-News had a cool story for those who are nuts about hard-shell chocolate candies: M&Ms can be bought with customized messages on them:
Creating M&M’s mementos is easy enough. Simply go to mms.com, click the custom printed M&M’s link and start typing. You can also phone in an order at (888) MYMMS88.
You get up to two messages, each two lines of text with up to eight characters per line. (It’s an M&M, Shakespeare, not a cake, so keep it short.)
You also get up to two different colors.
Proprietary technology takes care of the rest. ("Really, that’s all I can say on that,” Buyce offers rather cryptically of the custom-printing process.)
One side of the candy shows your message while the other flashes the famous
“m.”
Of course, you can’t flash just anything on an M&M.
Profanities or objectionable phrases? Those would be in bad taste. Likewise, product names ("iPod"), trademarks, business names ("American Airlines"), celebrity names ("Britney Spears"), specific sports teams, major events, landmarks ("Mount St. Helens"), religious or political phrases and names of schools or other institutions ("Johns Hopkins") are also M&M’s no-no’s.
Whatever you do, though, don’t wear this tie when you eat them. Especially if you’re an eye doctor and seeing patients at the time.
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