Let me start by saying I’ve NEVER worn shoulder pads. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I stand 6-feet tall and I have very broad shoulders. I don’t want my head to resemble a garbanzo bean, and I don’t want to be mistaken for a dude in drag.

So, imagine my horror when I read a story in the Chicago Sun-Times stating shoulder pads are back in vogue. Say what?

There’s only one woman I know who was ecstatic about its comeback. In fact, we were at dinner when Michelle Bearden got a phone call with the news, “What? Oh my God! I can’t believe it! That’s wonderful!” she screamed into the phone.

Oh my God, she won the lottery, we thought. For Michelle, it was. You see, whether she’s wearing a t-shirt, a jacket a blouse or a dress, you can always see that exaggerated, squared-off shoulder beneath Michelle’s clothes; she’s never stopped wearing her pads. And now, she’s got the last laugh. Go ahead, just rub it in Michelle.

Here’s Michelle’s ode to the shoulder pad.

Oh, how I have waited...no, eagerly anticipated...this very special day.
Shoulder pads are back! Life is good again. Once again, I feel the same sense of triumph I felt when clogs, bellbottoms and empire waists made a comeback. Did anyone listen to me when I said, “Don’t donate! Hang on, they’ll be hot again!” Nooooooooo.

You naysayers who ripped your pads out of your blouses and blazers and sweaters at the mere hint they were so yesterday are regretting it now, I bet.

Well, I kept mine in, proudly wearing them in the name of Tammy Faye, Joan Crawford and Joan Collins. Besides, just do the math. Bigger shoulders equals skinnier waists! At least the illusion of it.

I actually have boxes of them in my closet, donated by friends who thought of them as nothing but fashion diapers. In all colors, in all sizes. For fall, I suggest the Grande version, to give some heft to those shapeless, baggy sweaters. For spring, stick with the demi-white pads because this is the time of year to be light and airy.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you—a loose bra strap is dangerous. If the strap doesn’t securely hold down a floating pad, it could make its way down the hatch and nestle into your cleavage by mid-day. And if you don’t spot that errant pad—which has happened to moi on many occasions—it does resemble a dislodged falsie or some colored growth.

Behold the mighty Shoulder Pad. All those sneers I had to endure—“Nice pads, Michelle. You starting this week for the Bucs on the front line?”—didn’t sway me. That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I have proudly worn my pads with defiance and an eye to the future that they would return, sometime in my lifetime.

Who is laughing now?
I am In again. And for you short-sighted fashion flunkies, I have a few spare pairs. They’ll be available to the highest bidder on eBay.

And if you think she’s kidding; just check her out below. You go Michelle!!!!

Is there a fashion trend you want to see make a comback? Or, maybe there’s one you never want to see again.