Had all the gods of video and audio been kind, you would be watching a video of Culinary Sherpa Greg Baker make fried chicken in his kitchen at this very moment.

Alas, those gods are not kind. They’re not vindictive, mind you, but cruelty for them is some sort of cat toy. We’re working diligently to fix the problem and get you that video as soon as humanly possible.

Had this been a real emergency, you would have been told where to turn to in your area.

In the meantime, please enjoy this video about how peanut butter and jelly can save the world:

UPDATE: It appears the gods of technology have granted a reprieve.

Here’s the Sherpas’ video regularly scheduled for this time:

If I haven’t totally ruined your appetite with my rudimentary videotaping and editing skills, here’s the recipe:

GREG’S BEER AT NOON FRIED CHICKEN

8 pieces skin-on, bone-in chicken thighs

1 quart buttermilk

3 eggs, scrambled

1 tablespoon Texas Pete’s Hot Sauce

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

2 teaspoons black pepper

2 teaspoons garlic powder

2 teaspoons onion powder

2 teaspoons dried thyme

2 teaspoons dried mustard

2 teaspoons ground
cayenne

1/2 gallon canola or peanut oil

3 beers, your favorite brand

Place the chicken in a glass, plastic or ceramic bowl. (Never, ever, in a metal bowl — enzymes, baby. Enzymes.) Cover the chicken with the buttermilk.

Place the chicken in the refrigerator for 11/2 to 2 hours. Open first beer and enjoy.

Place the canola or peanut oil in a large (2-gallon), heavy-duty pot and heat until the temperature reaches 350 degrees. Check this with the $8 candy thermometer that’s been stuck in the back of your kitchen junk drawer for years.

Mix the flour with the salt, pepper, cayenne, garlic powder, onion powder, mustard and thyme. Probably time for beer No. 2.

Mix the hot sauce with the eggs.

Remove the chicken from the buttermilk and pat dry with a paper towel.

Coat each piece of chicken with the flour mixture, then the egg mixture, then back to the flour and, finally, set aside until all of your chicken is breaded.

Using a pair of tongs, drop each piece of chicken into the hot oil, being careful not to make the pot overflow. (Never start this process with, “Here, hold my beer.” We don’t want any 911 calls.)

Cook the chicken for 10 to 14 minutes, depending on the thickness, until the temperature at the thickest part of the chicken thigh reaches 160 degrees. (Use the meat thermometer that’s been sitting in the drawer next to your candy thermometer)

Remove the chicken from the oil, drain on a paper towel and let it sit for 5 minutes before eating. Crack beer No. 3 and enjoy your masterpiece.

Makes 4 servings.