Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

 @JeffHouck
 The Stew
 Table Conversations
 StewVision
 Foodspotting
 Email Jeff Houck

Most Recent Entries

• USF Poly senate expresses alarm at independence bill in the Legislature
• USF showcases creationism critic tonight
• Times reporter goes to work at USF St. Pete
• Slutty Brownies, Homemade Snickers And Bacon-Wrapped Beef Hot Dogs [This Week’s Weekend Eats]
• USF Poly board member quits, saying USF is scuttling the “Poly model”
• Decision 2012: Florida’s Pizza Primary [Every Slice Of Newsroom Pie Tells A Story]
• USF gets big grant for veterans research
• Merlot Jelly, Korean Fried Chicken and Grand Marnier Souffle [This Week’s Weekend Eats]
• Researchers say cell phone waves can reverse Alzheimer’s
• Klasko and Obama grip and grin
• Genocide, memory and art the focus of USF conference
• Poly announces budget cuts; fires top administrators
• Debate turns into test of free speech. Some students failed.
• Homemade Potsticker, Pulled Pork With Fried Egg, And Unstuffed Pork Chops [This Week’s Weekend Eats]
• What’s up with the USF debate?

More

• The Stew
• The Dirt
• Hot Pursuits
• HOMEwork
• Inside USF
• L Archive
  • Green Lite
  • Bring It!

Monthly Archives

• February 2012
• January 2012
• December 2011
• November 2011
• October 2011
• September 2011

Nip It, Andy. Nip It In The Bud.

Posted Nov 3, 2005 by Jeff Houck

Updated Nov 3, 2005 at 06:06 PM

I spend my weekends absorbing as much football as possible, so I’m bound to see some commercials along the way.

My favorite lately is for the new Cheese Nips chips.

Here’s the storyboard (at least the way I would write it):

ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Young, Souless Drone is seen through the windows of his corner, rectangular-box office wasting time behind a desk as the fluorescent lights burn off his vitamins. Co-workers pass his office in silence. Mechanical office sounds can be heard in the background. Office colors are sterile and muted, juxtaposed only by stark black, four-drawer office cabinets and dark office furniture dotting the landscape.

CLOSEUP - INTERIOR OF WINDOWED OFFICE: Souless Drone balances a pen on his upper lip, thinking no one sees him.

INTERIOR: Office hallway. “Cheesy” suit-wearing co-worker (actor from Geico ads) flirts with women who are quick-walking past him in an effort to appear busy and uninterested. Clearly he is a middle manager.

ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Cheesy Manager is seen through windows of Souless Young Drone’s corner office. You can hear Manager begin to address the Drone using inauthentic-sounding colloquialisms that are not age-appropriate.

MEDIUM ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Inside windowed office. POV: From behind Drone’s desk, shot over Drone’s shoulder. Cheesy Manager is facing drone.

DIALOGUE - Manager: “Whassup, my man?”

Souless Drone looks at manager with blank incredulity, does not speak.

CLOSEUP - INTERIOR OF WINDOWED OFFICE: Souless Drone notices something in the corner while he ignores Cheesy Manager’s meaningless verbal vomit.

CLOSEUP - INTERIOR OF WINDOWED OFFICE: POV of Drone, who sees a bag of New Bold Cheddar Cheese Nips on a chair in a corner behind Manager. Manager slowly walks backward, as if to take a seat. Drone says nothing, perhaps in a bid to see annoying Manager humiliate himself.

ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Cheesy Manager is seen through windows of Souless Young Drone’s corner office as he unwittingly sits on chair with Cheese Nips on the seat. A dusty mini-Hiroshima-sized implosion erupts. An intense-yet-muffled “WHOOF” is heard.

ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Cheesy Manager and Souless Young Drone disappear in a cloud of Nip fallout. Particles disperse with such force that some seep through the top of the corner office’s window frames.

MEDIUM ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Inside windowed office. POV: From behind Drone’s desk, shot over Drone’s shoulder. Manager is encrusted from head-to-toe with Nip dust. He looks, with a few stunned blinks, at Drone, who we can see from behind is covered in dust as well. They do not speak.

CLOSEUP - INTERIOR OF WINDOWED OFFICE: Souless Drone’s face appears stunned. The air is full of Nip residue. He blinks. His eyes appear not to focus on any object. His curly hair, pug nose and hollow, round eyes are Michael J. Pollard-esque. You know, if Michael J. Pollard had been covered in Cheese Nip powder.

CLOSEUP - INTERIOR OF WINDOWED OFFICE: Camera tilts up as Cheesy Manager rises from his chair. He notices a chip on his left sleeve that did not implode. He plucks it from its place near his elbow and places it like a communion wafer into his mouth. We hear an audible crunch.

MEDIUM ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Door to Drone’s office opens. Cheesy Manager steps out. He is covered in dust. The office windows are opaque with orangy Nip grit. Cheesy Manager sees a colleague across the room, points a finger and clicks his tongue as if to act like nothing happened.

DIALOGUE: Cheesy Manager - “Jimbooooo.”

MEDIUM ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Two-shot of Jimbo and unnamed office assistant. They they watch incredulously as Cheesy Manager strolls down the hallway. They utter no dialogue.

ESTABLISHING SHOT - INTERIOR: Office hallway. Cheesy Manager is seen walking away from Drone’s Nip-encrusted office. We cannot see Drone through the windows. A female co-worker walks toward Cheesy Manager. He flirts with her as if nothing is out of the ordinary.

DIALOGUE: Cheesy Manager (in a soft falstetto) - “Marrrrrcy.”

ANNOUNCER delivers Cheese Nips pitch and tag line: “Cheese Nips. When you love nips, it shows.”


END OF COMMERCIAL.