The news is all atwitter with the infonugget that the frozen conditions in Florida are causing non-native iguanas to fall from trees in a semifreddo state.

My fave headline comes from the Telegraph in the UK:

Kamikaze iguanas fall from Florida’s frozen trees

Right. Because it’s rational to assign aggressive, suicidal forethought to a reptile.

The story explains:

The lizards go into a type of hibernation when the temperature drops below around 9 degrees C, all body functions but the heart switching off and blood flow cut to a minimum.

It means they lose their grip on branches and the creatures, which are common in the “sunshine state”, plunge out of the trees.

Swine flu: share gains and falls look overdoneThe lizards, which can grow up to five feet long, then lie grey and appear dead until the temperature rises again, at which time they usually revive.

So-called “kamikaze” iguanas are an urban legend among Floridians but have become a common sight as temperatures have dropped almost to freezing.

“It’s almost like they totally go to sleep. Generally speaking, if it warms up afterwards, they can recover,” said Ron Magill of Miami Metrozoo.

Stupid Europeans and their stupid Celcius.

Anyway, this prompted my Twitter friend @thekat411 to ask: “Did anyone send you recipes for frozen iguana?”

I got no such offers for Iggy Pops.

But that got me thinking about iguanas. Which got me to thinking about the Green Iguana in Tampa. Which got me thinking about adult beverages. [Bathe in the hot-tub warm waters of my drinking logic. Go on. It’s here for your enjoyment.]

A cursory search for recipes found this one at iDrink:

IGUANA
0.5 oz coffee liqueur
0.5 oz orange juice
0.5 oz sweet and sour mix
0.5 oz tequila
0.5 oz vodka

Directions: Fill a shaker half full with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into shaker and shake well. Strain drink into a cocktail glass and serve.

Enough of these and you’ll fall off your bar stool like a frozen iguana.

If you prefer your iguana cooked, there’s a recipe for that, one that happens to include the word “stew.” Color me biased.

IGUANA STEW
1 iguana
2 onions
1 tablespoon of salt
6-8 carrots
1 tablespoon of cilantro
1 small ball of recardo
1 cup vinegar
1 lime
1 sweet pepper
1 tablespoon of black pepper
1/2 cabbage
2 cloves of garlic
1 can of diced tomato
coconut oil

Skin and clean iguana, then wash it in a mixture of vinegar and lime. After that, mix all seasonings and spices together in a bowl and rub them into the meat. Leave the rubbed meat for half an hour. Pour coconut oil in a pot, just to cover the bottom and place it on the fire.

When the oil is hot, put in the iguana meat, then cook it for another half an hour, turning a few times and adding a bit of water if needed. During that time slice the carrots, tomatoes and cabbage. Add them to the meat and cook for another half an hour. Serve with rice and beans.

By now you have a few iguana-related questions. I know I did.

What is recardo? It’s a paste which has a main ingredient being annatto. It is seasoned with ground garlic, black pepper, cominos, onion and vinegar and is packed into a ball shape.

What is annatto? It’s a derivative of the tropcial achiote trees that is used to produce a red food coloring and gives off an aroma that is slightly peppery with a hint of nutmeg.

What is an achiote tree? Go look it up. Seriously. I’m cold and tired.

How exactly does one skin and clean an iguana? These results-oriented gentlemen certainly look like they know what they’re doing.

You’re welcome. Happy Monday.