Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

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Is This The Best We Can Do?  [Gasparilla Food Is No Laughing Matter, Non-Experts Say]

Posted Jan 26, 2010 by Jeff Houck

Updated Jan 26, 2010 at 03:17 PM

[Please excuse the gratuitous non-food related photo, but it’s Gasparilla time. All logic becomes fuzzy in that context.]

So, Gasparilla. Yeah.

For the uninitiated, the two-weeks of pirate-themed festivities are a long-held annual tradition in Tampa during which many wealthy and influential people drink in costume and parade through south Tampa throwing beads at huddling masses who, quite frequently catch them between bouts of alcohol-induced vomiting and public urination.

Okay, that was uncharitable.

But there’s a kernel of truth in there. A very large one. And it smells a lot like rum and vodka.

Anyway, Gasparilla does feature family-friendly activities, such as the children’s parade which was held on Saturday.

I took Son O’ Stew and his friend, Shawn, to this year’s kids parade. In between all the fake pirates and inappropriate music (Do elementary school kids need to answer the rhetorical question, “Doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?”), I noticed something very stark: The food really sucked.

I know, I know. I sound like a snob.

Trust me when I tell you that no one enjoys a hand-dipped honey-battered corn dog more than I do. And I get that this, ultimately, is a carnival.

I get that.

But couldn’t the parade do a little better job at reflecting the food of its native city?

This would be appropriate. If we were in Philly. Or Amish. I didn’t see a lot of Amish walking around at Gasparilla.

Hawaiian Kona coffee. Nice. I love me some beans from the islands.

But I love the joe at Kahwa Coffee in St. Pete and the espresso at El Molino in Ybor City more. Wish I could have had some at the parade.

Lady pirates apparently love food on a stick. Who knew?

Not all was lost. Sweetwater Organic Farm had a float in the parade. And the folks at Chipotle marched down the street with a floating burrito (above) while handing out vouchers for free food.

But as for eating, this sloth had better better than most people did at the kids parade. That thing was motoring through the veggies.