Today was the Health & Wellness Fair at the office.

A nice group of nurses from Moffitt and University Community Hospital came together to offer free health screenings today.

I love health fairs. I’m always trying to improve my numbers because I’m crazy competitive like that.

Today was no exception. I was ready.

We had the opportunity to get a body fat analysis, bone-density test, blood test, cholesterol check, respiratory analysis and BMI reading.

A friend asked if I was able to have the bone-density test done. That was my first stop.

“Yeah, why?”

Apparently they denied her—because she’s not older than 40. Say WHAT?

Do I really look like I’m 40? Good lord, my Asian genes are already failing me.

Apparently after screening me, they decided to test only the “more mature” women. My friend sneaked in a test anyway.

Then there was the scare at the respiratory test. It is designed to measure your lung capacity and the amount of air you’re able to expel in comparison.

The lower your percentage, the weaker your results, the more likely you could have asthma or some other lung problem.

After breathing deeply into and out of the apparatus, the nurse looked at the monitor.

“Do you exercise?”

“Yes.”

“Are you normally short of breath?”

“Uh, no.”

“Do you get bronchitis every year?”

“I’ve never had bronchitis in my life!”

I had no idea what I did wrong. Apparently sometimes people don’t realize that they have asthma. But that was ridiculous to me.

I scored a measly 71 percent, which concerned the nurse. “You should bring that up with your doctor.”

Ugh.

As I waited in line for the body fat analysis, the nurse at the respiratory table came to get me.

“Hey, can I test you again? I think something isn’t right with your results.”

I happily obliged.

The nurse mentioned that she might have set the machine for “Male” when she tested me. For real??

For Round 2, I scored a 92 percent. “You would do even better if you came in to the office to use our big machines. Nice job!”

Whew!

One other thing: Did you know you can have LOW cholesterol? Only me.

The nurse said I came in at 127. “Are you a vegetarian?”

Not exactly. But almost. I didn’t realize you could have a cholesterol minimum to meet. Geez.

My results today:

BMI: 20

Total cholesterol: 127 (normal is 200 md/dl & below)

HDL: 71 (40 mg/dl & greater) (My good cholesterol ROCKS!)

Ratio: 1.8 (4.5 mg/dl & below) (My ratio was the best my nurse has seen in a while!)

Osteoporosis: +1.9 (normal is between +2.0 and -1.0)

Body fat: 18% (impedance = 552, weight of lean body mass = 98.41 pounds, percentage of lean body mass = 82.0%, lean body mass to fat ratio = 4.6 to 1, total body water = 32.0 litres, weight of body fat = 21.59 pounds, percentage of body fat = 18)

Blood sugar: 76 (normal is

<140mg/dl for random, non-fasting results)

Blood pressure: 106/63

Pulse: 57