Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

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Considering The Food Of Ikea [Getting Our Knackebrod On]

Posted Apr 30, 2009 by Jeff Houck

Updated Apr 30, 2009 at 01:12 PM

In case you missed it, THE NEW TAMPA IKEA STORE IS SET TO OPEN!!!!

Yes, I was part of the media throng which descended upon the massive big-box store on Tuesday to get a glimpse in advance of the May 6 grand opening.

Most everyone was there to cover the furniture and home accessories. I decided to focus on the food.

Why? Because no one can ever get enough pickled herring.

And Ikea was only happy enough to help.

Before the two-hour guided tour started, they ran the dozens of print, electronic and radio journalists through a buffet line in their cafeteria filled with delicacies from their own Scandinavian grocery inside the store.

There are royal cruise ships that don’t have a spread this elaborate. There was salmon, more salmon, salmon-wrapped asperagus spears, two types of caviar, cod, roast beef, prawns, mussels and crab salad, a carving station and, of course, meatballs. Lots and lots of meatballs.

If there’s one thing the media loves more than mock NFL drafts, predicting elections based on early returns and giving awards to its precious, delicate self, it’s a buffet.

Not that I begrudge my brethren for taking the generous hosts up on their sumptuous table. I don’t. To not partake at PR gunpoint would have been rude, not to mention wasteful.

And it isn’t as if their conscience wasn’t triggered. In fact, I heard one whisper to another, “We’ll just cut them one big check for all of us.”

But I didn’t see a great wave of hesitation. That’s all I’m saying.

I also didn’t see a lot of people dipping into the herring. I, being a professional food journalist, took a pickling for the team.

And now it’s time to play…

KNOW YOUR HERRING!!!!!

Matjessil (spicy marinated herring)

Inglagdsill (Herring pickled with onions and carrots)

Dillsill (Herring marinated in dill and onion)

Senapssill (marinated herring in mustard sauce)

What did it taste like?

Herring with junk on it.

And if there’s one thing Tampanians love, it’s fish with junk on it.

The desserts, however, were another matter. Tasting them made me reconsider the entire Swedish culture.

(From left) The lingonberry mousse (lingonberry is very big among the Swedes), the chocolate torte made with Daim candy, (the Tootsie Roll of Scandinavia) and the Delicato Mazarin marzipan pastry were amazing. All are for sale in the grocery near the checkout lines. Go there and buy some. That’s all I’ll say.

Somehow, I found the will to resist pronouncing this using the voice of the Swedish chef from the Muppets.

I’m far stronger than I ever thought I could be.

In retrospect, I should have known from the start that we were in trouble.

As soon as we walked through the entrance Tuesday, we were greeted by helpful publicists who were flanked by a wall of cinnamon buns. Later, they would tuck them into the trademark blue Ikea bags for reporters to take back to their media caves.

I guess we can only be thankful that they didn’t try to sway us with Swedish bacon and Swedish alcohol. Or Swedish bacon-flavored alcohol, for that matter.

For more photos that I shot during the tour, click here.