Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

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How Do You Like Your Chefs? Bourdain or Batali?

Posted Apr 5, 2007 by Jeff Houck

Updated Apr 5, 2007 at 04:39 PM

I get all kinds of letters about food.

This one comes from Kate over at Out in Left Field:

Hi there,

So I’m sitting with my dad and he’s watching the Food Network. Paula Deen (Dean)? Anyway, I make a casual comment:

“Aren’t there any thin cooks or chefs?”

My dad says, “No. The good ones are all big.”

Now, my dad is on the big side. So is my mom. I’m fighting a certain biological destiny (that I *will* win, by God) and wonder if I’ll ever be a good cook because I will be a thin cook. So I think and think and I point to a commercial featuring some thin woman who’s cooking Italian food (I think she’s the one who bothers Chef Rick - who is only slightly thin because he had gastric bypass and so he’s out). Anyway, my dad says,

“I don’t like her so she doesn’t count. She’s no cook.”

Emeril is big. Rachael Ray isn’t thin. Neither was Julia. And that’s all I know.

So I’m asking my favorite food writer in all the world: Is there such a thing as a good chef or cook who is also thin?

Thanks,

Katie

To which I replied:

Catherine,

Funny you should say that. I was thinking about this yesterday.

The short answer is: Yes.

And no.

I don’t disagree with your father’s contention - The French have a saying : “Measure the girth of a chef and you can rate his restaurant.” - but I also don’t think that the culinary world is that different from the rest of life’s professions.

You have your Jerry Seinfelds and your Louie Andersons.

You have your Tony Dungys and your Andy Reids.

For every Merideth Viera, there’s an equal number of Rosie O’Donnells. For every Abe Lincoln, there’s a William Howard Taft.

For every Catherine Robinson, there’s an evil school district administrator starting static electricity fires with the friction generated by the nylon straining to contain her thighs.

But I digress.

Food Network’s Italian culinary tomato Mario Batali? Not a tiny man.by any stretch. There’s a reason they call him “Molto Mario.”

Emeril? Thick, short and hairy.

Paula Deen? Fluffy, bawdy and lovable.

“Barefoot Contessa” Ina Garten? There’s something about her soft, rounded, lovely features that lends an air of ... authenticity? When she tells you what tastes faabulous and flashes a couple of adorable fleshy cheekbones at you, subconsciously a thought emerges: “That girl knows what she’s talking about.”

But Iron Chef Bobby Flay looks like he could play squash for four hours a day. Alton Brown has a few extra pounds (hey, iambic pentameter!) but he’s nowhere near obese. Sandra Lee (Okay, she’s not a chef. I get it. has collarbones you could hang laundry on.

Cat Cora just did a busty, tight-skirted, food-themed FHM cheesecake layout that made even me blush. The gun show going on in Robert Irvine’s sleeves makes it look like he could have bench pressed Julia Child with one hand. Pinup boy Tyler Florence attracts to his book signings gobs of women who adore his touseled hair and his college wrestler physique. Giada Di Laurentiis… all I can say is, “Giadahhhhhhhhhh.”

Yes, the culinary world is chock full of Paul Prudhommes. After all, they swim in a caloric stew all day long. Their greatest compass on the journey to success is their palate. They have to use that compass about a million, billion, trillion times a day. But how does one apply that logic to explain the bag of bones that is Anthony Bourdain?

A former heroin addiction? A jet stream of nicotine? Liver-straining access to adult beverages? All of the above. But his body clearly is an amazing metabolic engine that crushes anything resembling a carbohydrate. Some have better engines than others, I’m guessing.

Of all the restaurant kitchens I’ve visited, I’d say the ratio is about four skinnys for every fatty. I rarely see a plus-sized woman in the back of the house.

My armchair analysis: It’s a thin-person’s game. Kitchens are hot, stressful, cramped spaces occupied for long hours with lots of standing and physical labor involved. I’m not saying kitchen crews are a portrait of health - as a collective, they still smoke and drink like Mickey Rourke in “Barfly.” But that kind of environment is not kind to large individuals on a long-term basis. Go sit on one of those chef stools they have at Carrabbas and you’ll see all types of bodies, to be sure. Very few of them will likely be in need of NutriSystem.

My guess is that perception is skewed - as usual - by television. My hope is that TV doesn’t decide to start casting in the future more on looks, charm and camera adoration (Rachael Ray, anyone?) than on talent and expertise.