Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

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Cake Or Death? [TV Gets A Cupcake Show. Yes, Another One.]

Posted Jul 16, 2010 by Jeff Houck

Updated Jul 16, 2010 at 06:02 PM

Did someone bust a pipe somewhere? That’s the only possible explanation for the gusher of cake and cupcake shows flowing into my home through the cable box.

Now another show has been added to the television batter.

“DC Cupcakes” which debuts tonight on TLC. (TLC used to be called The Learning Channel until it realized viewers were averse to mixing education and television.)

The new show features Sophie LaMontagne and Katherine Kallinis of Georgetown Cupcake in Washington, D.C. The back story is that the sisters ditched their corporate jobs for the chance to run their own bakery.

The bakery is so wildly successful, customers stand in line for an hour waiting for their cupcakes. This despite a plethora of other local shops with ultracool names like Buzz, Curbside, Hello and Baked & Wired.

And like the other cake shows, it features the requisite characters. There’s the iconoclast genius (master baker Andres, who is into martial arts and skateboarding). There’s a quirky matriarch (Sophie and Katherine’s mother, who appropriately and oddly is referred to by everyone at the bakery as Mommy). There’s an insane and convoluted crisis every episode that somehow miraculously gets resolved by the staff working under duress (Sophie agrees to bake 1,000 mini cupcakes for charity on Valentine’s Day, the busiest day of the year).

It’s a fun show to watch, especially if you’re hormonal and craving baked goods. But oh, how I long for the simpler days when there were more “Law & Order” episodes on per week than cake and cupcake shows.

Here’s the rundown, in case you lost track:

“Ace of Cakes” — Roly-poly, soul-patched, bass-playing baking genius Duff Goldman and his ultra-mellow band of emo decorators set about making outlandish cake sculptures for a variety of clients across the country from their humble baking castle in Baltimore. Sample show: Duff and his team make a cake shaped like King Tut. (Food Network)

“Cake Boss” — Hyper-caffeinated Jersey boy baking genius Buddy Valastro and his band of “Sopranos”-style decorators set about making outlandish cake sculptures from their old-tyme barbershop-looking corner store, Carlo’s Bake Shop, in Hoboken. Sample show: Buddy builds a zombie cake. And one for a bachelorette party. (TLC)

“Ultimate Cake Off” — Three cake decorators each week lead their teams to build cakes to an arbitrary height of at least 5 feet tall because, you know, cakes have to be ::::this tall :::: to ride the TV rollercoaster. The cakes, which weigh hundreds of pounds and are more difficult to carry than Paula Deen through a butter factory, are themed to a marquee event where the winning cake will be showcased as a centerpiece. The winner gets $10,000. Sample show: Three bakers fight to have their cake featured at a Roller derby season-opening event. (TLC)

“Cupcake Wars” — Host Justin Willman challenges four bakers who are eliminated one by one in a three-round competition to create cupcakes with unusual ingredients for the chance to win $10,000. In a perfect world, “Cupcake Wars” would be fought with guns. Or at least super-soakers filled with icing. Sample show: Bakers vie to have their displays featured at a charity golf challenge hosted by comedian George Lopez. (Food Network)

“CSI: Cupcake” — In this food-themed spin-off of the popular CBS TV crime drama series, David Caruso and his co-horts fight cupcake crime in Miami. Sample show: Caruso finds a box of mango cupcakes in a dumpster, next to the body of a prominant Dade County baker. Caruso declares the crime “Dastardly ... and delicious!” YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

OK, this one isn’t real but it should be. Think of how cool this show would be, what with all the cupcakes with decapitated icing.