Jeff Houck

The Tampa Tribune’s food writer since 2005, Jeff Houck covers the way people live through their food. He also hosts the Table Conversations food podcast and believes that everything crunchy is good.

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Better Ingredients, Better Pizza, Better Name [‘Jesus, This Food Is Tasty.’]

Posted Jan 27, 2011 by Jeff Houck

Updated Jan 27, 2011 at 09:07 AM

You could say Americans are overly obsessed with celebrity.

You would be right.

And you would be worrying about the wrong thing.

Really? Is this how comfortable life has become? That we can worry about people worrying?

Not me. I say, “Feed the beast.”

Which is why I was mightily amused this week when I got a press release from something called Allmenus.com less than two hours after the Academy Award nominations were announced. That kind of speedy ephermal opportunism would have impressed Wolfgang Puck.

Anyway, Allmenus.com sent along this list of “often used celebrity names” when ordering take out food. Not “most often.” Just “often.” Which is my kind of relaxed standard for celebrity-based amusement.

About the only one on this list I’d believe is Oprah. I mean, Miss Girl has shown a propensity for swallowing chow.

* Jesus Christ

* Michael Jackson

* John Lennon

* Brad Pitt

* Barack Obama

* Oprah Winfrey

* Britney Spears

* Kevin Bacon

* Jesse James

* Jennifer Lopez

* Austin Powers

* Bill Clinton

* Marilyn Monroe

* Derek Jeter

* Elton John

* Babe Ruth

To me, this shows no imagination:

I mean, if you’re going to fake it - ladies, you can stop snickering - at least be creative and use a food-based name. Kevin Bacon isn’t going to cut it.

Might I suggest:

John Hamm

John Candy

Warren Burger

Margarita Levieva

Matthew Sweet

Liz Lemon

Darryl Strawberry

Eminem

Meatloaf