The Final Countdown
Genre: Cult Classic/Sci-Fi/War
Director: Don Taylor
Run time: 103 minutes
Rating: PG
Format: Blu-Ray
The Lowdown: I miss the good old days.
I miss movies like “Black Moon Rising” or “I Come In Peace” having the chance to rule the multiplex.
When did genre films become so unmarketable? Probably about the time that studio heads decided that if a film wasn’t going to make $100 million, it wasn’t worth releasing into theaters.
Back in 1980, however, genre films still garnered a big-screen run. A lot of them probably didn’t deserve it, but at least they had a chance to find an audience.
A movie like “The Final Countdown” would never be released in theaters today – at least not in its original form. It would have to be retro-fitted with top-notch CGI effects, young television stars, likely from “Gossip Girl,” an outrageously high budget and some hack director like Roland Emmerich.
It would likely be a huge hit.
But it wouldn’t have soul.
“The Final Countdown” presents an interesting dilemma. If a nuclear warship from the 1980s was somehow transported back in time to the December 1941 day before the Pearl Harbor attack, would it…should it…intervene?
The film has an all-star cast featuring Kirk Douglas, Martin Sheen, Charles Durning and James Farentino. The action takes place largely on the aircraft carrier USS Nimitz where there are plenty of back-and-forth, where-the-hell are we, you-must-be-crazy, time travel isn’t real arguments. There’s a hackneyed love story that feels contrived between Farrantino and Katherine Ross. And the decision by Douglas’ Capt. Yelland to take action and protect the American forces, thereby rewriting history and possibly altering the future, never feels as tense as it should. There’s zero gravity to the fact that this merry band of time travelers might F up the world in a big, big way.
And that’s my biggest complaint about “The Final Countdown,” and why it’s probably a better candidate for remake than the classics currently being regurgitated by the Hollywood machine.
If done on a small scale, if presented as an intelligent, thought-provoking thriller, a new take on this old cult classic might be worthwhile.
And while I would never lobby for spending millions to uber-gloss the time travel sequences that bookend the film with a CGI sheen, I can’t argue that the special effects definitely deserve an upgrade.
Don Taylor likely did the best he could back in 1980, but his best – the silhouette of an aircraft carrier against a giant blue swirl of rings – is pretty laughable.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Katherine Ross – hot or not? Discuss.
Nudity – Not aboard this battleship.
Gore – A bloody shoot-out, hooray.
Drug use – Not on this ship.
Bad Guys/Killers – Those damn kamikaze Japanese.
Buy/Rent – This long lost cult classic makes an impressive Blu-Ray debut from cult classic distributor Blue Underground. It’s definitely worth a rental, but you likely won’t find it anywhere but online at Netflix or other Internet-based DVD delivery services.
Release Date – Nov. 4, 2008
Black Christmas
Genre: Horror/Slasher
Director: Bob Clark
Run time: 98 minutes
Rating: R
Format: Blu-Ray
The Lowdown: Bob Clark had an amazing career, one that likely wasn’t appreciated until his untimely death in 2007.
No matter the genre, Clark had a finger on the pulse of America unlike many of his peers. He constantly took genres and transformed them, creating original visions out of premises that other directors could hardly match.
He did it with “Porkys,” a re-invention of the teen sex romp; “A Christmas Story,” a family holiday film that has become part of our collective consciousness; and, possibly most notably, “Black Christmas,” a gussied-up Grindhouse slasher that elevated beyond its B-movie trappings to inspire scores of future horror directors.
If this film didn’t get in the craw of John Carpenter, and lead him and Debra Hill to concoct Michael Myers, I will eat my notebook.
“Black Christmas” is a taunt, tight thriller that largely takes place in a sorority house in the days leading up to Christmas Eve.
It features a slew of familiar faces – John Saxon, Keir Dullea, Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder – who bring their youthful energy to this twisted tale of a faceless, almost nameless killer terrorizing co-eds with terrifying phone calls and random blunt objects found inside their sorority house.
I had never seen the original, but suffered through the woeful 2006 remake that tried to replace genuine creepiness with over-the-top gore.
Yes, it has its flaws. The depiction of a lacksidasical small-town police department is hardly believable.
But it nails the final act, ramping up the tension with a genuinely unsettling cat-and-mouse game as the cops try to trace the source of the obscene calls. And it offers a satisfyingly bleak ending, one that doesn’t rely on cheap jump scares or the obligatory “gotcha!” that so many movies today try to thrust on viewers.
With one long tracking shot, from bedroom to attic trapdoor, Clark gets under your skin, forcing you to question the outcome that seemed so plausible a few moments before.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Margot Kidder as the boozy bigmouth. Olivia Hussey as the not-so-innocent sorority girl with a secret.
Nudity – No.
Gore – Much like other classics from the 1970s, the emphasis was on tension, not blood, and it worked just as well.
Drug use – Sorority girls didn’t party in 1974 like they do today.
Bad Guys/Killers – “Billy,” the little-seen psychopath who stalks the sorority house, is chilling in his anonymity.
Buy/Rent – This is a must-have purchase for fans of classic horror. The Blu-Ray transfer isn’t the best. The picture is pretty grainy at times. But Somerville House should be applauded for bringing this cult favorite to high-def.
Release Date – Nov. 11, 2008
Comedian Wanda Sykes, who stars in the CBS sitcom “The New Adventures of Old Christine,” says the passage of a same-sex marriage ban in California has led her to be more outspoken about being gay.
“You know, I don’t really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn’t feel like I had to. I was just living my life,” Sykes, 44, told a crowd at a gay-rights rally in Las Vegas on Saturday.
Sykes said the passage of California’s Proposition 8 made her feel as if she had been “attacked.”
“Now, I got to get in their face,” she said. “I’m proud to be a woman. I’m proud to be a black woman, and I’m proud to be gay.”
Sykes married her girlfriend in California less than two weeks before the new law went into effect. “When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage also recognized in Nevada, in Arizona, all the way to New York,” she said.
ESPN announcd this morning that it has reached an extensive agreement with the Bowl Championship Series (BCS), granting exclusive TV, radio, digital, international and marketing rights for 15 BCS games from January 2011 through January 2014. It includes the Fiesta, Orange and Sugar Bowls each season and the BCS National Championship Game in 2011, 2012 and 2013.
The announcement was made by George Bodenheimer, President, ESPN, Inc. and ABC Sports, and John Swofford, BCS Coordinator and ACC Commissioner.
“The BCS will thrive on ESPN,” Bodenheimer said. “Our slogan is ‘College Football Lives Here’ and the BCS will now top college football’s best regular-season and studio coverage, the sport’s top awards shows, Bowl Week and other national championships all carried on our family of networks. This is a proud day for ESPN and an exceptional day for this great sport and its passionate fans.”
Broadcasting and Cable Magazine is reporting today that:
Fox Sports declined to match an offer from ESPN to televise Bowl Championship Series games, beginning in 2011.
Fox currently owns the rights to the Orange, Fiesta, Sugar and BCS National Championship games, while ABC has a separate deal for the Rose Bowl. ABC is a sister network to ESPN, both owned by the Walt Disney Company.
“Even with today’s vast economic uncertainties, Fox Sports made a very competitive bid to keep broadcasting BCS games free to every home in America, one that included a substantial rights fee increase, and certainly as much as any over-the-air network could responsibly risk,” said Fox Sports in a statement. “Unfortunately, the University presidents and BCS commissioners were not satisfied and they’ve decided to take their jewel events to pay television. We wish everyone well.”
The same rumor circulations every season - Is Paula Abdul leaving “American Idol”?
Her publicist says “No Way!” but OK Magazine has reported that this will be the last season for my favorite ditzy judge. Supposedly, she wants to explore other projects.
She could be fishing for a raise or a vote of confidence. The rumors started spreading about her demise earlier this year when “Idol” hired a fourth judge — Kara DioGuardi. It was assumed by many that “Idol” was basically paving the way for Paula’s departure.
The show’s producers nixed that kind of talk saying that they just needed some one with new catch-phrases because “That was kinda pitchy, Dawg” and “That was absolutely abismal” and “You have got a lot of heart” are all getting tired.
Paula’s publicist, Jeff Ballard, told the L.A. Times last week that the news of Abdul’s exit is “absolutely untrue.”
But we need to see just how DioGuardi fits in to the mix. This could be that Jump the Shark moment some of us have been expecting.
In the biggest music show “Dancing With the Stars” has ever seen, Aretha Franklin, Leona Lewis, John Legend and Julianne Hough all take to the stage. All that and Warren Sapp, too.
The big guy probably will survive this round. But watch out next week. My prediction (which is probably everyone else’s prediction) is that “Hannah Montana” star Cody Linley will be history tonight. Sapp will go next week. And then it’s down to Brooke Burke and Lance Bass.
Burke should win, but this show has a history of giving it to the male competitors so Lance baby has a slight edge.
Tonight at 9, after tallying the judges’ and viewers’ votes, the 10th couple eliminated from the competition iwill be revealed.
Making the show more interesting is the “Queen of Soul” and one of the most honored female singers in Grammy Award history, legend Aretha Franklin. She will perform her hit, “Respect,” accompanied by season six champions Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas dancing a new routine. Franklin performs for a second time with her classic “Chain of Fools,” accompanied by professional dancers Anna Trebunskaya, Karina Smirnoff, Louis van Amstel and Artem Chigvintsev.
John Legend, the five-time Grammy Award-winning singer, songwriter and pianist, brings his upbeat first single, “Green Light,” from his third studio album, “Evolver,” to the “Dancing With the Stars” stage.
British sensation and breakthrough musical artist of the year Leona Lewis performs her international chart-topping hit and biggest selling single of the 21st century, “Bleeding Love,” from her debut album, “Spirit.”
“Dancing With the Stars’” own two-time champion, professional dancer and country music star Julianne Hough performs her single, “My Hallelujah Song.”
When the lights dimmed last month at The Beach Theater in St. Petersburg Beach for the local premiere of “Live Evil,” nearly half the people in attendance either worked on the film or were related to film producer Mark Terry.
Despite a small turnout for the Halloween Horror Picture Show, Terry couldn’t be happier to have even a handful of people watching his first independent horror film.
It has been a long journey for the Clearwater native, 30, who moved to Los Angeles in 2004 to pursue his dream of making movies. Terry graduated from Oldsmar Christian School and attended St. Leo University where he received a double major in theater and writing. His family – both his parents have small roles in “Live Evil” – lives in Crystal Beach.
“Live Evil” is a throwback to the gory, tongue-in-cheek monster movies that dominated video rental shelves in the 1980s and early 1990s and were produced by Charles Band’s Full Moon Pictures or Lloyd Kaufman’s Troma Studios.
It stars two longtime genre veterans, Tim Thomerson and Ken Foree. And it’s an equal mix of horror and laughs – most noticeably with a running gag that centers around a bloodsucking baby.
Technically, the film itself is what you might expect from a first effort. There are structural issues that likely resulted from the film’s erratic shooting schedule, which basically amounted to weekends-only stretched over more than a year. The script shows flashes of promise, and the special effects are impressive, given its limited budget. But it more than meets the criteria required by fans of low-budget, Grindhouse-style frightfests. There is plenty of bare skin, gallons of blood, car chases and crashes and a winking nod that the action on screen is not to be taken too seriously.
This month, Terry took “Live Evil” to the American Film Market in Santa Monica, CA, to try and secure a distribution deal on home entertainment. Terry said he hopes to have the movie out on DVD sometime next year.
Blood, Violence and Babes (BVB) recently caught up with Mark Terry (MT) to find out more:
BVB: What attracted you to filmmaking, and why did you settle on becoming a producer?
MT: “The fact that I love movies. I was also interested in telling the types of stories that I remember seeing in the 1980s that just aren’t around anymore.
“For years, I acted in Florida…I also trained in stunts as well from Jerry Alan and Kim Kahana, two of Florida’s most well-known teachers.
“Most of the independent movies in Florida seemed to never get finished, never get distributed or have any parts that I truly liked. So, to protect my investment of time and energy, I started to learn to produce to make sure it would get completed and seen.”
BVB: How did the idea for “Live Evil” come about?
MT: “I moved out with a handful of friends from Florida to Los Angeles. We were contacted by a supposed investor (from Florida) who had heard of and seen our previous films that were made in the area. At that point, our group of friends had made three films together that won film festivals around the state and were starting to get known in the horror community. The one stipulation from this investor is it HAD to be a vampire movie. The guys I moved out with wrote the original draft of the movie while I was pursuing my Screen Actors Guild membership and additional stunt work. As we started getting close to the 1st day of production, the investor got cold feet and decided to pull out. We still shot the opening scene, but afterwards my friends from Florida lost interest as it looked impossible to complete.
“Once they told me they wanted to quit the production, myself and another producer signed a script option for the screenplay and opening scene. I found a new investor, had the script rewritten, got a new director, we brought in Tim Thomerson and the rest is history.”
BVB: “Live Evil” definitely has some fun elements, particularly the vampire babies. How has reaction the film been?
MT: The live reaction so far to the movie in theaters and festivals has been tremendous. The baby vampire scene has for sure caused some reaction, good and bad. People may not know what they are getting into with this movie, but no matter what, its meant to be done to have a good time.”
BVB: What are your thoughts on the current horror market and its fans? Do you think direct-to-DVD releases are a good way for relatively unknown, low-budget productions to find a larger audience?
MT: “I will always love horror movies and their fans. The fans of this genre are extremely educated and passionate about the product, but are verbal enough to tell you if your movie does not live up to their standards. However, I am seeing as a producer and filmmaker that the horror market is slowing down and action movies are now picking up.
“Straight to video releases is for sure the way to go for lower-budget productions. Obviously, anyone who makes a film wants it to be a theatrical deal and play 2,000 theaters, but that isn’t always reality.
“The straight to video market brings our films to that audience and turns our movies into something that people can actually see.”
To check out a trailer and other information on “Live Evil,” go to:
http://www.liveevilthemovie.com/
And now there are four. Another football-delayed, frantic paced episode of “Amazing Race” flew by Sunday night and Tina and Ken Greene, sparing ex-spouses, survived to make it to the final four.
Best moment of the night was when Ken found out that they were going to have walk through the streets of Kazakhstan dressed in a cow suit. “Guess who will be the rear?” he said, reflecting his position as follower. Tina, as usual, was the boss.
But she made a couple of missteps when she didn’t properly follow the instructions. They got in and out of that cow costume and then back in again. Still they arrived in third place, behind the annoying brother and sister team of Nick and Starr, and the mother/son team of Toni and Dallas.
If there was any justice, the poor hapless Frat boy team would have been history. But they stumbled to the finish line ahead of Terence and Sarah. The ditsy couple fell way behind when they failed to beat Nick and Sarah in a Fast Forward challenge involving a sheep butt eating contest. Wimpy vegetarian Terence could not hack sheep guts.
Another good moment was when Dallas flirted with Starr making his mom jealous. That boy needs a date.
The first Roadblock involved hunting for golden eggs at a chicken factory where 7,000 cluckers were awaiting their fate. It wasn’t particularly hard. But it must have been smelly.
The sheep butt fat eating was interesting but it was a snap for Nick and Starr who now have won most of the legs of this race. If they keep winning, well, it’s going to be a dull finish.
The Detour on this leg of the journey was only slightly amusing. All the teams picked the same task “Act Like Fools,” during which they put on cow costumes, drank a glass of milk from a street vendor and picked up a clue at a butcher shop. Tina misread the clue, forgetting that directions would be at the bottom of the milk glass and then taking the costume off before going to the butcher. But other teams had more woes so Tina and Ken they were safe.
But can they win? They need to play a couple of flawless rounds to have a chance. They should be safe for another week because those Frat boys can’t keep getting by on dumb luck. Or can they? It would be a shocker if they won the whole damn thing.
Return to Sleepaway Camp
Genre: Horror/Slasher/Sequel
Director: Robert Hiltzik
Run time: 86 minutes
Rating: R
Format: Standard DVD
The Lowdown: There are some sequels so lame-brained, so ridiculous, so wretched that you just have to wonder – why?
With horror, they typically involve some slashing, serial killing, undying big bad being jettisoned into space, ala Leprechaun or Jason X. The only memorable hall of fame-worthy baddie to survive his sojourn out into the galaxy was Pinhead, and only then because Hellraiser: Bloodlines,” despite being directed by Alan Smithee, actually advanced the mythology and added awesome new cenobites (hello Angelique!).
Originally conceived as the 20th-anniversary, “official” sequel to his cult classic slashfest “Sleepaway Camp,” Robert Hiltzik’s “Return to Sleepaway Camp” instead languished on a shelf for five years.
Ignoring the previous two sequels, which he did not direct, Hiltzik wanted to take everyone’s favorite curling iron-wielding, shemale killer Angela back to basics and back to camp. That was in 2003.
Needless to say, the shelf is where this God-awful film should have stayed.
The guilty pleasure of the original “Sleepaway Camp,” besides the amazing swerve ending that many people consider one of the greatest what-the-hell moments in B-movies, was that it was campy but not overly-so. People behaved as if they were in summer camp.
In “Return to Sleepaway Camp,” the teen-agers behave as if they auditioning to be Joseph Goebbels’ office assistant. They’re sadistic, nihilistic and overly cruel to one particular camper named Alan. Granted, Alan is written as the world’s biggest tool. He’s so grating that he becomes totally unlikeable and you really don’t care that his every waking moment is being made into a living hell.
The acting is atrocious, starting with Vincent Pastore as the camp owner. He could care less how his attendees act. He’s more interested in the bubble blonde counselor that he’s shacking up with.
The big reveal – well, how could it not pale to the original’s “she’s got guy junk” shocker? It’s pretty pathetic, and I actually guessed it about 15 minutes before. It makes absolutely no sense thematically, but you’re not watching this for continuity.
That leaves the kills, which again pale to what Hiltzik concocted 25 years ago. The best he can come up with is an extended (over-long) gag involving a vicious counselor tied to a tree with fishing line noosed around his noodle and ties to the trailer hitch of a Jeep.
It’s nowhere near as perverse or shocking the searing curling iron used to kill one female camper – in the worst place possible for a hot curling iron – in the original “Sleepaway Camp.”
So, yes, it’s bad. Really bad. So bad I really can’t recommend you even attempt to watch.
But it could have been worse – Angela could have been shipped into space.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Yes.
Nudity – Surprisingly no, especially for a teen summer camp/slasher movie.
Gore – The gore here is pretty laughable. A rat gnaws through a guy’s stomach, a girl gets her head wrapped in barbed wire, a camp counselor gets his junk yanked off with fishing line.
Drug use – That demon weed, marijuana.
Bad Guys/Killers – Cult Classic moviedom’s most famous he/she killer is back!
Buy/Rent – It’s so hard to say, but this long-delayed official sequel isn’t even worth a rental.
On the Web - http://www.sleepawaycampmovies.com/
Release Date – Nov. 4, 2008
Chill
Genre: Horror
Director: Serge Rodnunsky
Run time: 88 minutes
Rating: R
The Lowdown: Horror goes retro.
That’s the tag line to this insufferable mess of a movie. What does it mean? Who knows. When did making crap become retro? It happens every year in Hollywood (Hello “Journey to the Center of the Earth”!)
This is a movie that does little besides sully poor H.P. Lovecraft’s name. Seriously, his estate should sue. There is no way that what passes for a movie here in any way closely resembles Lovecraft’s story “Cool Air.” I haven’t read the story, but I’m pretty confident that I’m right.
This is a movie where a hook-wielding, lumbering madman stalks a guy down a public street and despite the good 50-yard advantage the guy has, the madman suddenly catches up and then drags him – out in the open, mind you – all the way back to his van.
This is a movie that reaffirms that Thomas Calabro was lucky, damn lucky, to land “Melrose Place” because at least he’s still got that memory.
This is a movie that proves Ashley Laurence should stick to “Hellraiser” sequels and Screamfest convention panels.
This is a movie about a guy who carves pieces of skin off his victims, yet there’s hardly any blood.
This is a movie that should offend pimps and street thugs for its unbelievably stereotypical depiction of pimps and street thugs.
This is a movie that should be used to torture suspected terrorists. Forget water-boarding. Just push a TV/DVD combo into their cell, put this puppy on repeat for 24 hours and they will talk. Guaranteed.
This is a movie that you should not rent, should not buy, should not watch on cable, no matter how bored you are.
But you should thank me for watching it so you don’t have to.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Ashley Laurence is much hotter battling cenobites.
Nudity – No.
Gore – Gore? No. Bore? Yes.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Serge Rodnunsky – he just killed the spirit of H.P. Lovecraft.
Buy/Rent – Avoid at all costs.
Release Date – Nov. 4, 2008
Some guests go through your medicine cabinet. I go through your CDs.
That’s me, sidling over toward your CD tower, easing next to the entertainment center, stealing glances at the spines of your jewel boxes.
And judging you harshly.
No, I’m not. Yes I am. No, I’m not. Yes I am.
Yes I am.
Sorry, it’s a conditioned reflex. In high school, friendships were made over shared love of The Dictators or Devo. Others were diminished when The Clash didn’t elicit the proper enthusiasm.
Need I mention that I remain close with people who had no opinion one way or the other on “London Calling” and have lost touch with my fellow Dead Boys fans?
I have met many a person with enviable record collections who turned out to be a jerk. And there are plenty of people with great wit, intelligence and compassion, people I am honored to call friends, whose CD collections should be taken out and burned.
There’s a pivotal scene in Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” in which music snob Rob meets a couple, friends of his fiancée, Laura. They are lovely people, warm, smart, funny, the sort with whom you hope to form lifelong friendships.
Rob, by this point in the book maturing ever so lightly, studiously avoids the couple’s CDs, but Laura forces his hand. It is, as he suspected, dreadful and Rob learns a Very Important Lesson.
Check a non-fanatic’s CD stack and it’s the sheer randomness that stands out. A classical selection remembered from school, a soundtrack to a film he or she liked, a classic rocker’s best-of, a long-forgotten one-hit wonder’s one hit. Something that caught their ear on the radio once, a Christmas gift from several years back, a calculated risk from the bargain rack.
My collection is anything but random. But my priorities are a little askew.
Really, I’m not judging you. I’m judging me.
Really.
Get Smart
Genre: TV cult classic/spy/comedy
Director: Peter Segal
Run time: 110 minutes
Rating: PG-13
The Lowdown: The shoe phone. The cone of silence. The eternal struggle of Chaos versus Control.
“Get Smart” the television show was a subversive unraveling of all things Bond, James Bond when it was unleashed on viewers in the 1960s. It featured smart dialogue, hilarious performances and enough outlandish plots and gadgets to fuel a successful four-year run.
“Get Smart” the movie isn’t nearly as smart as it needs to be. By trying to please both long-time fans of the show and young ticketbuyers who wouldn’t know Don Adams if he was sitting next to them on a bus, the long-gestating film adaptation sputters forth unevenly for much of its nearly two-hour time.
The one thing it has going for it, though, is Steve Carell and he single-handedly keeps the movie afloat even as it drags. Carell is just plain funny. He’s got an everyman, underdog demeanor coupled with a sensitive yet mischievious face that makes you chuckle at the most simple of gags.
He’s equally believable as the ignorant boob or the guy whose luck just saved his butt, and as Maxwell Smart, he’s asked to play both roles.
If only everyone around him was as good. Alan Arkin doesn’t come alive until the last third of the movie, during an extended and actually exciting airplane/car/train chase. Dwayne Johnson is criminally underused, but his few scenes sparkle. Masi Oka is not nearly as funny or as endearing as he is in NBC’s “Heroes,” and his Control tech-geek character fails to generate many laughs. And why he and co-tech geek Nate Torrence got their own direct-to-DVD spin-off is a mystery. Anne Hathaway looks gorgeous and kicks butt really well, but her character feels under-developed. And poor Terrence Stamp – why isn’t anyone giving this guy plum roles like “The Limey” anymore?
Oddly, “Get Smart” sputters most when it’s neck-deep in the spy stuff early on. As Carell and Hathaway make their way across Russia, the film just feels flat. But once they return to the U.S., suddenly the movie begins to click.
It’s still too wildly uneven to be considered a great cult classic reinterpretation of a great cult classic. But, given it’s $100-million-plus box office draw, they may get a chance to make things right with an inevitable sequel. Let’s hope it’s “Get Smarter.”
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Anne Hathaway – the jury is still out. Sometimes, she’s hot. Sometimes, she’s not. Here, she’s definitely hot when she kicks butt.
Nudity – Hello, PG-13. Steve Carell does kiss The Rock, er Dwayne Johnson. Wrestling fans no longer smell what he’s cooking.
Gore – Carell swallows a blow dart, shoots himself in the face with a mini-crossbow and gets the crap beaten out of him, but never bleeds.
Drug use – I wonder if the Cone of Silence has a ventilation system, kind of like the smokeless ashtray.
Bad Guys/Killers – Terrence Stamp, knee before Zod. Your’s uber-villian Siegfried lacks bite.
Buy/Rent – Not nearly as funny as hoped for, this is a definite rental that won’t disappoint but it’s not a title you’re going to watch multiple times.
On the Web – http://getsmartmovie.warnerbros.com/
Release Date – Nov. 4, 2008
CBS has announced that President-elect Barack Obama has agreed to give his first post-election interview to correspondent Steve Kroft. The interview includes future first lady Michelle Obama and is to take place on today in Chicago.
The interview is scheduled to be broadcast on Sunday at 7 p.m.
“60 Minutes” has covered the campaign and the election closely. Kroft and “60 Minutes” cameras were with Obama’s top aides on election night for a segment broadcast last week that drew 18.5 million viewers, ranking it America’s number-one program for the week.
NBC has pulled the plug on the spy thriller “My Own Worst Enemy” and returning sophomore drama “Lipstick Jungle.”
And Fox has canceled late-night sketch comedy veteran “Madtv,” one of its longest-running shows.
Both actions came down late Wednesday. NBC’s cuts were because of low ratings. Fox’s move is a cost-cutting one.
“Madtv,” inspired by Mad Magazine, has been a Saturday-night fixture for 14 seasons. But this will be the last, Fox sources said. The show’s co-creator, David Salzman, said he plans to shop “MadTV” to cable networks and other outlets. It ends production in December.
Fox told Salzman the show had become too expensive considering its time period and ratings.
NBC’s move is not so surprising. “My Own Worst Enemy,” starring Christian Slater as a spy with a split personality, was ratings challenged. It also was one of the dumbest concepts. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“Lipstick,” starring Brooke Shields and Kim Raver, had a modest following but it was never the hit that NBC expected. The story of New York working women was touted as a broadcast version of “Sex and the City.”
NBC has considered “Enemy” an important show. The big budget spy thriller was supposed to re-create the Bourne action movies and it followed -"Heroes" which had been a valuable time slot. But “Heroes” has tanked this season, too.
Synapse Films has released five long-forgotten genre gems from the late 1970s, early 1980s, in special edition standard DVDs. The set includes “Thirst,” “Strange Behavior,” “Patrick,” “Dark Forces” and “Syngenor.”
All five were released Oct. 28, 2008, and are available for purchase at: http://www.synapse-films.com/index.php
The films, four of the five produced in Australia, represent both the best and worst of classic B-horror and science fiction during the late-Grindhouse era. Some, such as “Syngenor,” are blatant rip-offs of much better, theatrical releases such as “Alien.” Others, such as “Thirst,” boast an interesting story that sadly gets lost due to a meandering plot that never finds its focus. And then there’s “Stange Behavior,” a quirky ode to the early 1980s that is mostly memorable as the screen-writing debut of Bill Condon, a future Oscar winner for 1999‘s “Gods and Monsters.”
Here’s a look at three of the more memorable titles:
Thirst
Genre: Horror/Vampire
Director: Rod Hardy
Run time: 93 minutes
Rating: R
The Lowdown: Back in the early 1980s, when Home Box Office was still in its infancy, the cable movie channel was limited in the quality and quantity of movies it could show. Unlike today, when every other film offered is a well-known, box office smash, HBO’s daily lineup back then consisted of many more low-budget genre films like “Thirst.”
I still remember falling in love with this movie as a young boy mainly because it featured vampires and it offered the occasional shot of a bare breast, which was absolutely thrilling for someone 10 years old.
It’s been almost 30 years since I last saw “Thirst,” so the chance to revisit it immediately caught my attention. Time, sadly, and a steady diet of increasingly better movies since my youth, has not been kind to “Thirst.” But, even still, watching it again, I found glimmers of what drew me to its story so long ago.
“Thirst” is like a modern-day merger of Dracula and Frankenstein. It’s the story of the creation of a monster. And – at its best and brightest points – it’s a fascinating take on the legend of Elisabeth Bathory, the evil matriarch who maintained her youthful appearance by bathing in the blood of virgins. And the introduction of The Brotherhood and its blood farm of human cows, willing slaves for sanguination whose blood sustains the cult-like members of the group, remains a fascinating creation – one that scared me as a child and one that made wish for an updated remake watching it again as an adult.
Overall, the film suffers most from the hackneyed clichés of its time period (porn star mustaches, anyone?). There are far too many scenes that seem out of place and make little sense. The editing is choppy, the effects are laugh-out-loud bad and the score is overly-dramatic.
As a cult classic, though, it’s ultimately a keeper.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – There’s a special spot in the hearts of anyone over 35 for the girls of the 1970s with the wind-blown hair, doe eyes and hard bodies that had yet to be surgically enhanced.
Nudity – Blood shower, anyone?
Gore – Most of the blood on display is pretty laughable, but the shower scene, albeit brief, is pretty cool and Henry Silva’s charred corpse is worth a chuckle.
Drug use – Blood is a drug, and it’s inside you.
Bad Guys/Killers – Before “Lost” and “Heroes” and other serialized shows featuring a shadowy corporation with highly-suspect intentions, The Brotherhood and its human “blood cows” were actually pretty creepy.
Buy/Rent – Long out of print, this will be a hard find as a rental except for customers of online DVD-mail services like Netflix. It’s a gem for fans of nonsensical late-70s exploitation horror. And for people who remember the movie fondly, like me, it’s also a likely purchase.
Strange Behavior
Genre: Horror
Director: Michael Laughlin
Run time: 99 minutes
Rating: R
The Lowdown: I’d kept an older copy of this 1981 title in my collection for years, but failed to revisit it.
Essentially the tale of a mad scientist who experiments on small-town teen-agers and turns them into crazed killers, “Strange Behavior” stands the test of time and remains an unusually strong horror film because of its screenplay.
That said, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. And if you suffered through the 1998 Katie Holmes-vehicle “Disturbing Behavior,” then you’ve basically seen the entire premise, albeit not as well-done.
This is a good one to pop in on a cold, rainy day when there’s nothing on TV. It’s comforting, like a blanket, in its depiction of early 1980s life – a time not so long ago when the outside world wasn’t nearly as scary as it is today.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Naughty nurse Fiona Lewis!
Nudity – No.
Gore – Minimal, but effective.
Drug use – Agreeing to participate in a scientific experiment isn’t always a good idea.
Bad Guys/Killers – Not all scientists want to cure cancer. Some want to create murderers!
Buy/Rent – You can probably find an older copy of this title buried in the horror section at Blockbuster, but to see the Special Edition you will likely have to order it online from Netflix.
Syngenor
Genre: Horror/Science Fiction
Director: George Elanjian Jr.
Run time: 98 minutes
Rating: R
The Lowdown: Who knew?
I had no idea that as far back as 1990 they were making so-bad-they’re-bad rip-offs of better movies that would have found a willing and welcome home on the Sci-Fi Channel.
Then I sat through “Syngenor,” possibly the best-worst example of men running around in rubber alien suits blatantly designed to resemble the awesome iconic creature designed by H.R. Giger in “Alien.”
“Syngenor” is so bad it actually rips off movies that weren’t even made yet, and does a worse job conveying those ideas that other, later films made compelling and scary.
“Syngenor” is so bad it blows its R rating on a gratuitous boob shot barely 20 minutes in and never bothers to have its organic, synthetic super-soldier monsters actually go bad-ass and rip anyone apart. Seriously, there’s more blood to be found in craptastic made-for-Sci-Fi movies like “Mansquito.” Better effects, too.
“Syngenor” is so bad that the best thing going for it is David Gale, a veteran character actor best known for his role in “Re-Animator” – as a regenerated head whose body hoists his noggin up so he can do unspeakable things to a terrified female victim.
“Syngenor” is so bad it’s not even remotely good enough to sit and shout insults at.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Not really.
Nudity – A blink and you’ll miss it boob shot. Wow, thanks.
Gore – Woeful.
Drug use – Not at all.
Bad Guys/Killers – Guys in rubber alien suits – oooh scary.
Buy/Rent – This is barely a rental for anyone wanting to perform their own, in-house edition of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
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