Hoily Baywatch, The Weather Channel plans series about lifeguards

Posted Nov 1, 2011 by Walt Belcher

Updated Nov 1, 2011 at 11:18 AM

  It’s like Baywath without the cheese.

The Weather Channel

(apparently running out of new weather)

has ordered 13 episodes of a half-hour docudrama called “Lifeguard!”

  It follows the men and women who guard the Southern California coastline.

  Reminiscent of scripted drama “Baywatch,” without David Hasslhof, “Lifeguard!” will offer an up close and personal look at the lifeguards, who make over 10,000 saves a year.

Does anyone remember the “Baywatch” spoof, “Son of the Beach” that aired on FX?

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Mew Releases for Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2011

Posted Oct 29, 2011 by John Allman

Updated Oct 29, 2011 at 02:58 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

A Serbian Film
Genre: Horror/Torture
Directed by: Srđjan Spasojević
Run time: 102 minutes
Rating: Unrated
Format: DVD

The Lowdown: More graphic than “8mm,” more depraved than “Hostel,” more bleak than any film possibly ever made, “A Serbian Film” is not a movie that you will soon forget.

It’s quite possibly a movie you won’t even make it all the way through to the end.

There’s a certain dedication that is required from the outset, a determination not to look away, not to press Stop on the remote, not to grow angry then offended and finally depressed.

This is not torture porn. This is snuff porn with political undertones, an artistic statement and indictment of one man’s native country and the atrocities that have been heaped upon its people. Director Srđjan Spasojević does not flinch. He shows, through sex and violence and the depths of depravity that exist in man’s soul, how Serbia has been reduced to numbness, how years of oppression, strife and war have created a cultural anesthesia.

What better vessel to illustrate this point than a retired porn star whose claim to fame was that he never lost his erection, no matter what was happening around him.

The retired porn star, Miloš (Srđan Todorović), lives with his wife and son. He catches his son watching one of his old films, and it’s a brutal sex film, devoid of passion, Milos as an animal attacking his weaker female counterpart.

Milos receives an invitation to come out of retirement to make a huge payday. A group of investors have asked a director to make a custom art film. The only catch is that Milos can know nothing about the movie in which he will star.

The film, and the harrowing spiral into madness and hell that begins the first day Milos sets foot on the set, is unlike anything you’ve ever seen. This is like jacking into the dreams of a serial killer and being forced to watch as he plays out his sick fantasies.

As much as he indicts his home country, Spasojević doesn’t seem to be saying the same thing about his audience. Unlike Tom Six who went out of his way to make a statement about the people clamoring for him to make “The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence,” Spasojević doesn’t seem to be saying that we, the viewers, are as sick and disgusting as the acts being portrayed on screen, simply because we’re still watching those acts be portrayed.

But that doesn’t stop him from pushing boundaries, crossing lines and, in one sequence, showing an image of something so grotesque, so abdominal, that he likely would be condemned to death for his art in certain counties.

If it’s a challenge to keep watching, I implore you to accept. This is a movie that should be watched until its chilling conclusion. That doesn’t imply or suggest you should or will enjoy it. But I think “A Serbian Film” is worthy of appreciation.

It takes full license of the right to free speech and then it guts the First Amendment and leaves it gasping on the floor, its entrails in a steaming pile.

I’ve never seen a movie like “A Serbian Film.”

I don’t know that I ever want to see anything like it again. In a lesser filmmaker’s hands, this type of creativity could prove dangerous.

But I will tell you this much, and I am aware of what it may say about me as a person and a decent human being: While I never want to see anyone else attempt this kind of movie, I would and will watch “A Serbian Film” again.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Yes.
Nudity – Gratuitous.
Gore – Gratuitous.
Drug use – Yes.
Bad Guys/Killers – The wealthy and the depraved.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
On the Web – http://contrafilm.net/

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (Oscilloscope Laboratories, 83 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): When you watch a lot of movies, and so many of those movies end up ripping off elements from other movies, sometimes you forget the simple joy that comes from discovering a truly original film that creates its own rules and springs from a place that can’t be copied.

“Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale” is such a film, and it is remarkable.

The best part is that it’s not a horror movie, per se, although it certainly has some horrific moments. It’s like director Jalmari Helander and his crew watched a marathon of Amblin Entertainment movies from the 1980s, particularly “Gremlins” and “The Goonies,” and then set out to one-up all those classic films that most of us remember so fondly from our youth.

“Rare Exports” concerns an excavation project taking place in Finland’s Korvatunturi mountains, also known as the home of Father Christmas, according to Finnish lore. Residents of the nearby community begin to discover strange occurrences as Christmas creeps closer. Electronic devices and space heaters begin disappearing. Next, the community’s children disappear, all except one boy, Pietari, the son of local butcher Rauno.

Rauno and his pals, Piiparinen and Riley, hope to make enough money to get out of debt and start a business for themselves. Rauno’s relationship with his son is strained. The two don’t think as much of one another as they should because they are alone, having lost the guiding, calming force of Pietari’s mother.

So from that simple set-up, Helander and Co. allows their imaginations to just run wild. And the remaining residents learn why the real legend of Santa Claus is far different from the mythology that people have been fooled into believing. What if Santa could know if you had been bad or good, and what if he chose to punish the bad with a far worse fate than anyone might expect? What if Santa’s elves weren’t the pint-sized, pointy-shoed present wrappers that you’re used to seeing on “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” What if Santa’s helpers were grizzled, naked, extremely dangerous old men who had spent countless years blindly following their leader?

There’s so much to explore with this film, and so much to appreciate. I loved how a movie about discovering the truth behind the myths of Christmas also turned into a timely parable about parents needing to trust their children, and allow them to assume responsibility, even at a young age, because they can handle it. The father-son relationship story at the heart of “Rare Exports” is both touching and slightly cold, which I think can be attributed to the film’s Finnish origins. There’s a foreign sensibility that is lacking in most American films because, let’s face it, our country and culture is extremely different from other places, and our children are coddled for far too long before they are allowed to stand on their own. That’s not how life is in Finland, apparently, and I was thrilled when, in the amazing third act, “Rare Exports” played with those themes and turned its tiny protagonist, Pietari, into a combat-ready hero the likes of which you rarely see portrayed.

Ho ho kudos, indeed.

Attack the Block (Sony, 88 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): It’s like crossing over to the freaky alterniverse of “Fringe” where Hindenburg-sized blimps ferry people across the city and the Twin Towers still stand.

“Attack the Block,” the deliriously enjoyable, immensely inventive UK mashup, plays like a parallel world version of “Super 8,” the wonderfully entertaining, darkly whimsical alien invasion summer hit from writer/director J.J. Abrams.

Only “Attack the Block” doesn’t feature a ragtag group of cute pre-teens living in rural Americana in the still-innocent early 80s, struggling with parental expectations and the pangs of puberty that threaten to tear them away from monster movie magazines and force them to interact with girls and confront real world terrors. It’s only after an alien from outer space escapes a government facility and begins wreaking havoc on the town in its bid to go home that the boys, and girl, of “Super 8” learn whether they have what it takes to be heroes.

No, Joe Cornish’s magnificent debut isn’t like that at all. And yet it is, completely and totally, just like that.

Cornish’s “Attack” features a ragtag group of teen hoodlums living in a gritty, dangerous section of low-income South London, who rob and steal from anyone they can menace, who all but exist without parental supervision, getting by only on their street smarts and the strength of their friendship. It’s only after aliens from some distant galaxy begin dive-bombing the streets and parks of South London and wreaking havoc in a bid to take over the planet that the boys, and girl, of “Attack the Block” learn whether they have what it takes to save their neighborhood, their block, and be recognized as heroes.

This is as fresh and exciting as movies get. Where Abrams’ “Super 8” seemed like a love letter to the Amblin Entertainment films of his youth where the stars always survived and lessons were learned, regardless of what danger or threat was defeated, Cornish seems to relish the opportunity to dig deeper, to go darker and grittier and to thrust his pint-size pack into mortal danger at every turn. 

Kids fight and die defending this “Block.” They work for drug dealers and thieves. They live by their own code, but they can’t find it within themselves to abandon a young girl who needs their help to make it through the night.

Everything, from the creature designs and FX to the vibrant young cast to Cornish’s whipsmart dialogue and steady hand behind the camera, elevate “Attack the Block” to rarified status.

There’s a reason this movie was in such demand this past summer, why online campaigns revved up in earnest to plead for the film to finally be released in their respective towns.

This is one you just have to see. Go, find it. Now.

Roger Corman’s Cult Classics Triple Feature: Lethal Ladies Collection (Firecracker, TNT Jackson, Too Hot To Handle) (Shout! Factory, 234 minutes, R, DVD): This is quite possibly one of the best releases to date in Shout! Factory’s epic Roger Corman’s Cult Classics series, which has been releasing dozens of Corman’s best films for more than a year.

And that’s saying something with a series that featured all-new transfers of such drive-in greats as “Battle Beyond the Stars,” “Piranha” and “Jackson County Jail.”

But this triple feature, the “Lethal Ladies” collection, very nearly blows them all away if only because the featured films are so obscure yet so entertaining and, in the case of “Too Hot To Handle,” a near masterpiece of B-movie greatness.

“Lethal Ladies” spotlights three exploitation action films from the 1970s and early 1980s featuring strong, violent women in the leads. There’s “Firecracker” from 1981, the tale of a martial arts instructor who travels to the Philippines to find her missing sister and ends up infiltrating a brutal crime syndicate that makes money off pitting fighters in a battle to the death; “T.N.T. Jackson” from 1974, about a young black female karate expert scouring Hong Kong to avenge her brother’s death; and “Too Hot To Handle,” the 1977 cult classic about a female assassin in the Philippines.

“Too Hot To Handle” is the standout of the bunch. I imagine this is the film that B-movie lovers like Quentin Tarantino play for guests when they come over for movie night.

Cheri Caffaro, one of the genre’s exploitation queens, stars in her final role as femme fatale Samantha Fox, a hit woman who relishes her job. Fox lives on a boat in the Manila harbor. She gets off on killing her victims. She’s more than a little dangerous, clinically psychotic and loves to wear revealing, see-through tops with no bra.

“Too Hot” literally has everything you could ever want from an exploitation classic:
• Copious nudity, including one of the better sex scenes I’ve ever seen in a mainstream movie (literally, it borders on porno);
• Lots and lots of blood;
• Lots and lots of Kung Fu;
• A sadomasochistic torture death in an S&M playroom;
• A brutal cockfight used as foreplay;
• Its own signature ballad, “Lady Samantha,” played during the borderline porno scene;
• And some of the best dialogue ever written for a film of this kind.

Want an example?

Here’s two classic exchanges from the first meeting of our bad girl Fox and her would-be captor, Chief Det. Domingo De La Torres (the hysterically cheesy, and furry, Aharon Ipale).

De La Torres: Feel like taking a walk through the gardens? It sure as hell beats making out here.

Fox: Why not, as long as you promise if you rape me, you’ll work the case.

De La Torres: It’s a promise.

Minutes later, as they emerge from their garden walk, the second exchange:

Fox: You were pretty damn polite in the garden. What’s the problem, chief? All wind up and no delivery?

De La Torres: No, that’s not it. You might find it hard to swallow, but, when I was a little kid, my mother would take a strap to me every time I came home with dirty clothes. As a result, when I grew up, I never felt comfortable in the bushes.

This is a prime example of why it’s so hard for today’s directors to try to recreate the same sense of style that these movies exuded back when they were released.

“Too Hot” never wavers from its mission. There is no big epiphany at the end. Samantha Fox doesn’t grow a conscience, although she gives De La Torres the opportunity to live, if he’s smart enough to survive.

You get the sense that had Caffaro wanted to continue acting, this might have been a franchise similar to Cleopatra Jones, featuring more sex, more karate battles and more delicious bon mots of dialogue than any B-movie lover could possibly stand.

Zombie and House by the Cemetery (Blue Underground, 91 minutes and 86 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Two classic Lucio Fulci epics arrive in high-definition, just in time for Halloween. There’s the two-disc, overstuffed with awesome extras, edition of “Zombie,” the unofficial 1979 Italian sequel to George A. Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead,” and then the 1981 supernatural slasher “The House by the Cemetery.”;
Having never seen either film in its entirety (I know, let the hating begin), I purposefully experienced both films back to back over two nights. I started with “House,” which might seem like sacrilege, but I felt like I had already experienced “Zombie,” with its creepy tagline, “We are going to eat you.” As it turns out, I was in for quite the surprise. Not only did I really enjoy both films, but I came away with a new appreciation for Fulci’s contribution to horror, Italian or otherwise.

“House by the Cemetery” is the lesser of the two films, if only because it’s less cohesive, if that’s even a logical criticism of Fulci’s work. Rarely, if ever, has this director been accused of following a traditional narrative structure. That’s part of the charm of experiencing a Fulci classic, experiencing those jarring transitions and sudden blasts of gore that seemingly come out of nowhere. “House” suffers a bit from its repetitive structure. Anyone who enters the ominous house by the cemetery gets brutally slain by a demonic, half human-half zombie creature in the basement. Then there’s the ghost whispering child who receives regular visits from a young girl warning him not to move into the house with his mother and father. The gore is impressive, the story meanders a bit much, but overall this is a fun haunted house/slasher mashup.

“Zombie” is a classic. And it’s finally making its Blu-Ray debut, and the results are fantastic. The film transfer is crisp, the sound quality excellent and the gruesome gore all the more disgusting in high-def. And this set boasts not one, but two discs, including tons of bonus features, interviews and analysis of the film.

This is Fulci’s masterpiece presented in the best possible way. It spotlights all the signature elements that have kept him atop the list of most popular and iconic Italian horror directors, even as it allows for a practical examination of the impulsive decisions that often detract from his work. There are few flaws to be found here, if anything, just minor quibbles not even worth discussing at this point in the film’s history.

What I walked away from “Zombie” with was a genuine appreciation for Fulci’s craft, for his unrelenting flesh-eating hordes who just kept rising from the ground, for the impressive practical effects and for the zombie design, which is decidedly unlike most American undead films. Fulci’s zombies are horrific, blind, worms and maggots in their eye, shambling sacks of flesh who only want to eat the living. 

The best bits aren’t just the most iconic – shark versus zombie, anyone? – but that sense of anything goes, no holds barred filmmaking gives “Zombie” a crackling energy.

There’s not much here that would cause someone seeing it for the first time to knowingly connect Fulci’s work with George A. Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead,” which this film was marketed as a direct sequel.

But the final scene with hordes of the undead shuffling across a bridge toward downtown New York City with an accompanying voiceover radio report of the living dead apocalypse, is pretty spot-on. It invokes not only Romero, but WWII and the Nazi threat, storming across Europe in a bid for world domination.

Bloody Disgusting Selects: Atrocious (The Collective, 74 minutes, R, DVD): The “found footage” genre takes a step back, and Bloody Disgusting releases the first clunker of its up-until-now undeniably audacious and wildly successful Bloody Disgusting Selects series.

It’s not that “Atrocious” is a bad film, per se. It never even crossed my mind to go with the easy ‘Here’s a movie that lives up to its name…’ review because, honestly, that’s not the problem. Writer/director Fernando Barreda Luna does his best,  and he makes the most of the Ace up his sleeve, which is the creepy as can be labyrinth that serves as the focal point for much of the “found footage” action.

The problem with “Atrocious” is it sets up a premise that crumbles under the weight of its less than stellar climatic reveal. For most of its brief run time, you’re expecting something entirely different than what you get, and what you get likely pales next to what you imagined.

The basic gist is that a family moves into a creepy farmhouse that has the aforementioned labyrinth adjacent to the house. The house is the childhood home of the family matriarch. There’s also multiple, ominous mentions of the surrounding woods and the labyrinth and how no one should ever venture out into either at night.

What happens next? The teenage brother and sister venture out at night, of course, after having trekked around the labyrinth and gotten lost during the day. Pretty soon, everyone is running around the labyrinth carrying their own handheld recording devices, which makes little sense.

By the time people start dying, you’ve lost whatever interest you had when “Atrocious” began.

Faces in the Crowd (Millennium Media, 102 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): “Faces in the Crowd” is the kind of film that Brian DePalma used to specialize in – a highly stylized but totally ridiculous noir thriller starring a handful of actors you know and love from other films. Think “Body Double” or “Blow Out.” Granted, “Faces” isn’t in that same league. It’s too lightweight for its own good, even though it offers an interesting premise and a great pair of leads, Milla Jovanich, looking radiant, and Julian McMahon. It’s nice to see Milla outside of her annual return to Raccoon City to battle zombies. She usually has a good eye for low-budget genre fare, as evidenced by “The Perfect Getaway,” and she always manages to class up even the few stinkers she picks, see “Stone.” In “Faces,” Milla plays Anna Marchant, a young teacher dating Bryce, a professional guy her girlfriends don’t like, because he keeps intruding on their “girl” time. One night, while walking home from a night out with the girls, Anna witnesses a brutal crime, the latest murder by the serial killer dubbed Tearjerk Jack. Anna runs for her life but gets caught and is thrown over a bridge, striking her head so hard in the fall that she loses the ability to recognize people’s faces, even her own. It’s a real but rare condition, Prosopagnosia, and writer/director Julien Magnat has fun employing a bunch of camera tricks to keep all the faces changing before our eyes, much like Anna’s perspective. “Faces” loses steam the longer it goes, though, and by the end, once you’ve gotten past so many red herrings, and the big reveal of Tearjerk Jack comes, it doesn’t carry the same heft as, say, John Doe’s reveal in “Se7en.” This is an OK movie with a great cast of popular TV actors from McMahon (Nip/Tuck), Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead/Prison Break) and Michael Shanks (Stargate: SG1).

Also Available:

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings – The fourth film in the continuing saga of One-Eye, Saw-Tooth and Three Finger, the backwoods mutant hillbilly cannibals who have terrorized dozens of stupid young people just out for an adventure in the backwoods of West Virginia since the franchise’s 2003 debut, is a prequel. It’s also written and directed by Declan O’Brien, the guy responsible for SyFy Original Movies like “Rock Monster,” “Cyclops” and “Sharktopus.” Oh, yeah, he also wrote and directed “Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead,” which was not at all like the superior, Joe Lynch-directed “Wrong Turn 2: Dead End,” which took the original’s premise and ramped up the gore for a satisfyingly bloody good time. Nope, this isn’t like that at all. In fact, this series should have stopped at Part 2.

Jurassic Park Ultimate Trilogy – “Jurassic Park” remains the torchbearer for the wonder that computer-generated image technology can invoke. With one film, director Steven Spielberg made us feel as if dinosaurs were real again. He captured the awe and terror that such massive prehistoric creatures could inspire, and he managed to do it within a family friendly, there’s a moral at my core popcorn movie that made buckets of money and blazed the trail for two sequels. Neither the second or third installment lived up to the promise of the original, but there was much to appreciate and enjoy about both. All three films are collected here in a special edition boxed set that likely will be on the wishlist of every fan boy out there because of the collection’s treasure trove of special features, including an all-new, in-depth documentary with interviews with much of the talent in front of, and behind, the camera.

Marvel The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Volumes Three and Four – Is it too early to start cashing in on the anticipation for next summer’s Biggest Superhero Movie of All Time? I think not. Fans Assemble! And fork out cash for the next two installments of this animated Marvel series based on The Avengers.

Winnie the Pooh – Oh bother. Pooh, I still love you.

Pawn Stars: Volume Three – Why? Is this what a recession brings? We not only go to pawn shops to sell all of our crap to make enough money to keep the lights on because our pay has been slashed and our jobs are in constant peril, but we also feel compelled to watch television reality shows about the guys who run the pawn shops who never give us full price for our valuable possessions, regardless of how bad we need the money?

Barney Miller: The Complete Series – One of the best television series of all time comes to DVD in a massive boxed set. “Barney Miller,” which ran from 1974 to 1982, an impressive 171-episode lifespan, featured one of the best ensemble casts ever gathered with Hal Linden, Max Gail, Ron Glass, Steve Landesberg, Ron Carey and Abe Vigoda. The sitcom, based around the lives of a group of NYC detectives inside their precinct house, deftly balanced broad comedy with serious character development and, often, unexpected human drama. This 25-disc series from Shout! Factory comes in a handsome and cool collectible box, shaped like the door to the precinct, and features commentaries, interviews, a 32-page retrospective booklet, the original Pilot episode and the entire first season of “Fish,” the popular spinoff series featuring Abe Vigoda’s character.

Shaolin – Historical drama set in China with lots of kung fu.

Father of Invention – Kevin Spacey, making a comeback. Well, maybe not in this particular film, but did you see him in “Horrible Bosses”?

Mothman – Not to be confused with the scary as hell “The Mothman Diaries,” one of the few films I still to this day cannot watch with the lights off.

A Little Help – Poignant family drama starring Jenna Fischer from “The Office.”

The People vs George Lucas – A pretty riotous takedown of all things George by the very fans who once would have given anything just to be in his presence. Few directors have ever rankled fans the way George Lucas did when he began tinkering with his beloved “Star Wars” franchise, and then he went one worse – he gave lifelong fans, grown men and women who remembered seeing “Star Wars” at the earliest of ages, the Prequel Trilogy, which all but exposed Lucas as the Wizard, an empty suit behind a camera fresh out of ideas. This documentary explores the anger that fans feel, why Lucas’ original trilogy still resonates so much with those fans and how fans often express their love by creating amazing tributes to the films that defined their childhoods.

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New Releases for Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2011

Posted Oct 29, 2011 by John Allman

Updated Oct 29, 2011 at 02:47 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

Grave Encounters
Genre: Found Footage/Paranormal
Directed by: Colin Minihan, Stuart Ortiz
Run time: 92 minutes
Rating: R
Format: DVD

The Lowdown: The “Found Footage” genre’s origins can easily be traced back to 1999 with “The Blair Witch Project.”

But, truthfully, it wasn’t until years after Heather Donahue’s wailed “Joshhhhhhh!” that filmmakers realized the potential such a gimmick could deliver.

Superior films like “Cloverfield” and “Paranormal Activity” elevated the gimmick to an art form, establishing the single-lens, shakey-handheld camera as a legitimate storytelling device that could thrill, freak out and terrify.

That’s not to say every “Found Footage” flick has been successful. Like any genre, there are examples of greatness and woeful reminders that not every idea is worthy of being developed for the big screen.

Some have been wonderfully creative, like Norway’s “Trollhunter,” a rollicking, fantastic ogre epic. Others, like “The Last Exorcism,” held more promise than their execution could deliver.

Even “Paranormal Activity” has faltered. The second film in the series upped the ante, but failed to deliver more than a been there, screamed that feeling.

Now, along comes “Grave Encounters,” a film by The Vicious Brothers,  another in the long and growing list of supposed sibling filmmakers who are actually not related. But while Colin Minihan and Stuart Ortiz don’t share a blood relation, they definitely share an appreciation for spooky setups and for much of the 92-minute running time, “Grave” delivers some rather unsettling imagery.

The problem is that now, after 12 years as a genre, most people have wised up to the gimmick. “Found Footage” films have, by necessity, been forced to grow bigger in size and scale, to push the boundaries of the believable in an ever-escalating attempt to deliver a big HOLY CRAP moment, often near the climatic whatever.

That need to really come up with something scary as hell or unexpectedly shocking undermines “Grave Encounters” at every turn.

Minihan and Ortiz couldn’t have picked a better, even if clichéd, location for their mock-reality ghost hunting show. They skewer all of the real reality shows that focus on the paranormal, employing similar opening graphics, creepy camera edits and a host who is much too full of himself (not unlike a certain host of a little show called Paranormal State).

At times, “Grave” resembles a mockumentary remake of “Session 9,” the wonderfully intense and scary Brad Anderson film. There are definite winks and nods to other classic and contemporary horror films, such as “House on Haunted Hill,” the remake, not the Vincent Price original.

Essentially, the crew of the show Grave Encounters are being locked inside an abandoned insane asylum for eight hours. The property caretaker is supposed to come back at 6 a.m. to let them out. They interview a number of ‘experts’ and locals who claim to have seen spooky occurrences that they can’t explain.

For the first 45 minutes or so, not much happens. There’s a definite sense of impending doom, but very few even jump scare moments. Once they start happening, such as a lock of hair being lifted unexpectedly or a wheelchair moving on its own, there’s a solid creepiness factor.

But when the big show kicks in and the ghosts of the asylum decide to stop playing nice, the line between Boo! scares and Holy Crap! scares blurs quickly. Minihan and Ortiz tip their hand too early. They show off too much.

That leaves them with a 20-minute chunk or so that seems to drag, when very little happens other than characters running around in circles, bickering, hiding, screaming, turning on one another.

There’s a point where things shift from paranormal to supernatural and that creative decision ultimately works against “Grave Encounters” because it requires too wide of a leap, too significant of a suspension of disbelief from the viewer.

Don’t mistake what I’m saying as criticism or a suggestion that “Grave Encounters” is a waste of time, because that’s not the case at all.

My biggest gripe is with the ending, which I saw coming the second a certain character was discussed briefly at the beginning of the movie. I suspect any good horror fan will know exactly what I’m talking about if they watch it too.

But there are three or four big money shots that the directors pull off exceptionally well.

And, taken as a whole, the film sits somewhere in the Top 10 for “Found Footage” flicks. It’s not necessarily in the Top 5, but it’s a well-made movie with solid scares that deserves to be seen.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Yes.
Nudity – No.
Gore – Lots of blood, not much gore.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – The tortured souls of the Collingwood Psychiatric Hospital.
Buy/Rent – Rent it.

The Last Circus (Magnet/Magnolia, 101 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): This is a movie that opens with a pair of circus clowns performing in an underground bunker as war planes shell the city above. Within minutes, the clowns have been recruited to fight and handed weapons. Faster than you can say “OMG, that’s a clown with a machete,” the lead clown is slicing through scores of rival soldiers, bathing in a bright spray of blood, before being remanded off to jail to wait to fight again.

The clown has a young son who comes to visit him in prison. The son wants to follow in his dad’s oversized footsteps (get it, clown shoes) and make children laugh. But his father says absolutely not. The tragic circumstances that have left the boy without the guiding hand of a parent have also shown the father what his son should be – a sad clown, forever frowning, fated to take the hard road always.

Sad Clown eventually grows up, and it is there that “The Last Circus” kicks into high gear, reveling in a succession of surreal imagery that feels fresh and vibrant. Sad Clown goes to work for Happy Clown, only Happy Clown is really named Sergio and he is a misogynistic drunk who brutally beats his longtime lover, the aerial beauty Natalia.

Happy Clown torments Sad Clown, berating him and doing whatever possible to make his life more difficult. Once he catches Sad Clown and Natalia on a date at the local fair, their relationship devolves quickly. Before long, you’ve got clowns running around with semi-automatic weapons and submachine guns, trying to kill one another and scaling impossibly high heights.

Writer/director Álex de la Iglesia has created an unbelievably vibrant alternative Spain where life is hard, life means pain and no one is guaranteed a happy ending. There are flourishes of Tim Burton’s love for grand, gothic architecture and touches of Quentin Tarantino’s visceral violence that erupts unexpectedly. There’s also a sense of cruel irony permeating his work.

“The Last Circus” is not afraid to flaunt its unconventional style, parading its colorful collection of oddities and freaks through a series of escalating adventures that keep raising the stakes. You know some main characters are going to die horrible deaths, it’s just a question of who and how.

The Howling Reborn (Anchor Bay, 92 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): I was 11 years old when my father ignored all the basic tenants of parenting (thanks Dad!) and took me and Joe Hinds to see “The Howling” in the theater. It was 1981 and “The Howling” was one of two awesome werewolf movies to come out that year. The other, “An American Werewolf in London” garnered acclaim and is widely considered one of the best horror movies of all time.

I still have a soft spot in my heart for “The Howling,” a decidedly darker, grittier, nastier slice of lycanthropia that distinguished itself through strong writing (John Sayles), direction (Joe Dante) and special effects (Rob Bottin’s impressive full-body transformations).

Over the years, there have been a handful of low-budget sequels, most of them barely worthy of the discount bin. The direct sequel, starring Sybil Danning, from 1985 is a cult classic, revered for its ridiculousness, but not for extending the legacy of the original film.

Now, 30 years after the original hit theaters, first-time feature director Joe Nimziki tries to resurrect the franchise with “The Howling Reborn,” a direct-to-DVD effort that actually proves watching movies can be detrimental to your health. I actually felt myself becoming less smart the longer I watched this God-awful excuse for a film.

Honestly, the only thing Nimziki could have done to sully the reputation of “The Howling” further would have been to personally visit each person responsible for the 1981 masterpiece and urinate on their shoes.

It’s that bad.

“Reborn” takes the “Twilight” approach, which is to say, it completely dumbs down the source material and thrusts all the action into high school. Where “The Howling” dealt with a secret society of lycanthropes co-existing in a seaside commune, trying unsuccessfully to curb their primal urges, “Reborn” deals with a bloodline curse that afflicts a young man whose mother died when he was born.

It’s like watching a primer on what not to do when writing a movie: There’s the handsome loner who has no clue what he’s about to become. There’s the girl he’s been pining over for years who finally notices him when he’s trying to deal with a life-changing transformation. There’s a band of rogue werewolves who want to either force the main guy to conform and join them or die. Oh yeah, there’s also voiceover narration.

It’s just cliché piled on cliché piled on cliché.

To make matters worse, Nimziki has no sense of pacing or continuity. Critical plot points just happen with no setup or explanation.  It’s a slapdash, patchwork exercise that is so disjointed and incongruent that it literally leaves your head spinning with basic questions – who, what, why – and a list of practical reasons that would negate much of the film’s action from logically occurring.

It’s not often I say this, but rarely do I feel so passionate about a particular film like I do “The Howling.” This new entry into the franchise is a disservice to the original. It’s a disservice to fans who will likely pay money to rent or buy it based on a trailer that actually makes the movie look decent.

It’s not remotely decent. It’s just crap.

Subspecies: The Complete Chronicles (New Video, 450 minutes, R, DVD): The beloved Full Moon franchise “Subspecies” gets a proper and impressive release as a five-film set featuring the 1991 original and its four sequels. “Subspecies,” a campy, guilty pleasure, and its sequels tell the story of the evil vampire Radu (Anders Hove, playing perhaps the most vile-looking vampire ever. This is one of writer/director Charles Band’s best franchises, regardless of the high cheese factor.

Bad Teacher (Sony, 92 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Lost in the glut of hard-R-rated comedies this past summer, the Cameron Diaz-vehicle “Bad Teacher” did decent box office, but it failed to catch fire like “Bridesmaids” or “The Hangover II” or even “Horrible Bosses.” There’s a lot that doesn’t work with the decidedly adult-oriented comedy, but there’s also plenty to appreciate, starting with Diaz’s game turn as a gold-digging bad girl obsessed with finding a wealthy guy to care for her. Very few films, comedy or otherwise, would dare to build upon a foundation where the main character wants nothing more than to have breast augmentation because she’s convinced it will help her land a rich, superficial guy. To pay for the operation, Diaz’s character, Elizabeth Halsey, lies, cheats and steals – mostly from students. She also cusses like a sailor, smokes a lot of marijuana and resorts to going out to bars to try to pick up powerful and wealthy professionals. Elizabeth is the type woman who asks how much a guy makes, what kind of car he drives and where he is on the corporate ladder – and then, based on his answers, decides if he is worth sleeping with. This shameful behavior makes for some funny circumstances, especially whenever Elizabeth reveals her un-PC patterns to a buttoned up co-worker (Phyllis Smith in a hilarious supporting role). The two biggest missteps that director Jake Kasdan and writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg (the guys behind ‘The Office,’ and also the long-rumored Ghostbusters III) make are giving in to conventional cinema expectations and having Elizabeth experience a late third-act epiphany and not going farther with Justin Timberlake’s ultra-conservative substitute teacher. Timberlake is good here, but his role is essentially one-note. There’s no room for him to maneuver or even expand upon the goody-two-shoes guy he has to play. And the eventual epiphany, which is of course expected, because that’s what happens in romantic comedies, even bawdy tales like this one, is disappointing because it’s so telegraphed. It’s the Hollywood ending that has to be tacked on, even if it’s not appropriate. In the real world, Elizabeth wouldn’t wise up and realize it’s OK to date someone who makes less money and drives a crappy car. Elizabeth wouldn’t care if he’s a good guy or not. She would continue boozing and carousing and eventually either land an empty-headed wallet who lets her spend whatever she wants, find herself trapped in an abusive relationship with a bigger douche than she is or contract an incurable STD and no longer be able to use sex as a weapon. That’s real life, but real life isn’t always quite as funny. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (Disney, 136 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray): It’s official. Capt. Jack Sparrow may be able to navigate one of the wealthiest film franchises of all time, but he can’t keep me awake through an entire Pirates of the Caribbean film. I have fallen asleep during ever movie in the series, from Curse of the Black Pearl to the unbelievably overlong At World’s End. I had hoped to break that trend with On Stranger Tides and its mermaids and quest for the Fountain of Youth. Nope. Didn’t happen. Maybe it’s the acting, which is so stunted for a movie franchise of this magnitude, or the overly-convoluted plots or the fact that Depp doesn’t even seem interested in the character any longer, but Pirates is little more than a money-making machine. It’s certainly not an engine capable of producing the type of thrilling adventures that its name might lead you to expect.

Beware (Maya Entertainment, 95 minutes, Unrated, DVD): What a surprise, a low-budget retro-slasher that actually manages to capture the best elements of the genre without stumbling too far into the dreaded pitfalls that doom so many similar films. Jason Daly keeps a steady hand with his debut feature. Some of his decisions cause the film to drag, like allowing two characters to talk at length, but I will take character development every day over snazzy editing and camera tricks. The story is familiar: A small Florida swamp town has a history of people getting killed out in the woods by a madman or monster. A group of friends embarks on a long weekend trip before one of them leaves the country to pursue his dream of playing professional soccer. He and his girlfriend, her brother and another couple run into prejudice and car problems upon arriving in town. They make friends with a young woman, who invites them all to come stay at her house. Then things get really weird. Daly, who also wrote the screenplay, appreciates the genre. He includes some vicious kills, a seriously effective opening and just enough surprises to keep you guessing who will live and who will die. Plus, the majority of the cast is Hispanic, which adds an interesting perspective. I was pleasantly surprised by “Beware.” It’s definitely worth a rental.

Also Available:

Trancers: The Ultimate Deth Collection – Longtime Tim Thomerson fans, and I am one, will relish and cherish this nice five-film collection that gathers all the “Trancers” movies together for the first time. The original “Trancers,” released in 1985, remains one of director Charles Band’s best movies. The character of Jack Deth became an iconic role for Thomerson, and the series featured Helen Hunt in a recurring role.

Cape Fear – It’s hard to say who is better here, Robert DeNiro in one of his most chilling performances or Juliette Lewis as a Lolita-light schoolgirl who falls under his charm during one of the most uncomfortably erotic scenes in film history.

Top Shot: Reloaded Season 2 – So, you can go from a show based on a show about precision marksmanship based on historical events…

American Pickers: Volume Two – To a show based on guys who go around to flea markets and yard sales looking for hidden treasures? I miss the days when TV only had so many channels.

Freerunner – Here’s what you need to know about “Freerunner.” It sounds like a modern day “Logan’s Run” until you get to the part where you realize it was directed by the guy who wrote “The Cell 2.” That means you should free run as far and fast as possible to any other movie left to rent on the wall of new releases.

Little House on the Prairie: The Complete Television Series – The groundbreaking, family-favorite show, “Little House on the Prairie,” which ran for nine seasons and told the story of the pioneering Ingalls family in the early 19th century American west, finally comes to DVD in one gigantic collector’s boxed set. This 60 disc – that’s right, 60 disc – collection includes every episode of the show that cemented America’s love affair with Michael Landon and launched the career of Melissa Gilbert, who remains Hollywood royalty as a result.

Sucker Punch – I think I’ll let the IMDb synopsis do my talking: “A closeted masochist leads a double life while secretly getting his pain fix through an underground bare knuckles boxing syndicate.”

Robotech: The Complete Series – It’s a blast from anime’s past with the release of “Robotech: The Complete Series.” I’m not sure how many people remember this early anime from Harmony Gold, which debuted in the U.S. in 1984. The series was kind of a cross between “Speed Racer,” “Shogun Warriors” and “Ultraman,” with the main story line being that scientists and military leaders on Earth were able to develop new technology to help fight off an alien invasion after discovering an extraterrestrial spaceship in the South Pacific.

Page One: Inside The New York Times – Excellent documentary that takes viewers inside one of the last great newspapers left in the U.S., the New York Times.

Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest – Another excellent documentary, this one lensed by well-known character actor Michael Rappaport, who apparently loves the seminal rap band, A Tribe Called Quest. 

The Real L Word: Season Two – All I’m saying is that if this show doesn’t feature two women picking out a U-Haul on their second date, it’s not an accurate representation.

Gigolos: The First Season – As soon as you finish the second season of “The Real L Word,” I think it’s time to jump into the first season of “Gigilos,” another completely ridiculous but fascinating Showtime series that definitely has that ‘I can’t stop watching this medical procedure show even though it’s freaking me out’ kind of vibe.

The Crow – I love, love, love Brandon Lee in “The Crow.” I love this movie, despite the fact that hundreds of goth kids across America stole the makeup and began trying to replicate Eric Draven’s look on regular school nights. This film, to me, launched the comic book movie craze, and it did so with a pitch black, rain-soaked, love is hell and hell is Earth view of society at large. It was bleak, harrowing, breathtaking.

Captain America/Captain America II: Death Too Soon – No, Virginia, this isn’t the big-budget summer tentpole starring Chris Evans as Capt. Steve Rogers, the first Super Soldier created during the waning days of World War II to help us defeat the Nazis. It’s a low-budget, no tentpole late 70s drive-in flick starring Reb Brown (Yep, that’s Yor, the Hunter from the Future) as Captain America and Christopher Lee as his nemesis, Miguel. Wait, wait, wait. Miguel? Miguel?

The Guns of Navarone – Classic wartime thriller starring Gregory Peck, David Niven and Anthony Quinn finally gets a high-definition upgrade.

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GOP Presidential Debate in Tampa and on NBC

Posted Oct 24, 2011 by Walt Belcher

Updated Oct 24, 2011 at 10:20 AM

NBC will carry a live GOP presidential debate will in Tampa in January with anchor Brian Williams as moderator.
The debate featuring the numerous GOP candidates will take place at the University of South Florida.  There will be be a panel of political experts and reportes.

CNN televised a GOP candidate debate from the Florida State Fairgrounds in September.  The Florida Repub lican primary is Jan. 31.

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New Releases for Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2011

Posted Oct 23, 2011 by John Allman

Updated Oct 23, 2011 at 04:03 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

Maniac Cop
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Directed by: William Lustig
Run time: 85 minutes
Rating: R
Format: Blu-Ray

The Lowdown: Movie lovers rejoice for Synapse Films has given you an early Christmas present.

They have dusted off one of cult cinema’s finest films, lovingly tended to a high-definition upgrade and stocked the disc with a ton of goodies, including additional scenes shot for a foreign release and new interviews with fan favorites Tom Atkins and Robert Z’Dar.

That’s right, I’m talking about “Maniac Cop,” the 1988 B-movie that served as a Who’s Who Genius Edition for movie geeks.

In front of the camera, you had Atkins, the venerable star of such greats as “The Fog,” “Halloween III: Season of the Witch” and “Escape from New York”; Bruce Campbell of “The Evil Dead”; Richard Roundtree from “Shaft”; and Laurene Landon from “Full Moon High” and “All the Marbles,” the finest film ever made about professional women’s wrestling.

Behind the camera was almost more impressive, if that’s even possible. “Maniac Cop” was written by Larry Cohen, the screenwriter for “It’s Alive,” “Q,” “The Stuff” and more. It was directed by William Lustig, who lensed “Maniac” and “Vigilante.” And it was co-produced by James Glickenhaus, the director who gave us “The Exterminator.”

“Maniac Cop” is a damn fine movie. It wears its B-grade sensibilities proudly, but honestly, this isn’t just a cult film; it’s a well-made, well-written movie in its own right, genre or not.

Part of the reason why it works so well is that Cohen doesn’t try to do anything too fancy with the screenplay. He doesn’t feel the need, nor should he, to justify why a supposedly deceased cop has seemingly come back from the dead. Officer Matt Cordell, who liked to shoot first and ask questions later, just comes back, looking to settle old scores with the police and city officials who sent him to prison. He is an efficient killer with a simple M.O. There’s nothing flashy about him. And Cohen doesn’t try to muddy up his backstory by purposefully making him the next great slasher.

Cohen’s script also treats its not-dead characters with respect. Campbell’s Jack Forrest is a flawed, but likable, cop. When we first meet him, he’s sneaking off to have an affair. It’s a credit to Campbell and the script that the viewer never judges him for the indiscretion. And Atkins’ Det. Frank McCrae also is written like a real cop. He follows procedure, but he also isn’t afraid to think for himself and follow up on a hunch.

“Maniac Cop” isn’t an overly gory horror flick. It’s not particularly scary. It’s just really well made and enjoyable. That should be enough, and it is.

Too many films today rely on throwing the viewer into sensory overload to hide the fact that there really isn’t too much going on in the story department. With Cohen’s strong, clear voice directing the script and Lustig’s capable hand guiding the camera, you can relax and just ride along. It’s particularly nice to see how Lustig changes as a director to fit the material. Here, he is definitely more in the “Vigilante” camp, playing up the action and allowing for long shots of street scenes when a car chase is taking place. If you go back and watch “Maniac,” the dark, dangerous slasher classic he made with Joe Spinell, you will notice how different it looks. Most of the shots are tighter, more cramped, to increase the sense of queasiness and claustrophobia you feel being in such close proximity to Spinell’s Frank Zito, one of the more deranged and unsettling killers ever committed to screen.

“Maniac Cop” doesn’t try to be more than it is. Even the ending, while expected, draws a smile across your face because, for once, the ending actually fits. A lot of movies manufacture sequels when they’re not needed. This is an example of a series you want to see continue, if only to learn more about the characters and see what happens next.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – The luscious Laurene Landon/
Nudity – No.
Gore – Some.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Officer Matt Cordell.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – Three awesome featurettes/interviews, including “Maniac Cop Memories with Robert Z’Dar,” “Out the Window featuring Tom Atkins” and “Three Minutes with Danny Hicks”; scenes from the Japanese television version; Spanish radio spot; theatrical trailer; more.
On the Web – http://synapse-films.com/

Doctor Who: The Complete David Tennant Years (BBC/Warner Bros., 2,385 minutes, Unrated, DVD): A massive testament to the power of David Tennant’s acting and the breadth of his appeal as the 10th individual to portray the wonderfully complex Timelord, Doctor Who, this gorgeous 26-disc compilation spans all four years that Tennat portrayed the Doctor, from his first appearance in 2005 in “The Christmas Invasion,” where he replaced Christopher Eccleston, through the complete Second, Third and Fourth series where Tennant co-starred with Billie Piper, Freema Agyeman and Catherine Tate.

Tennant’s appeal, and his gift, was his ability to blend just the right mix of impish mischief, childlike wonder and end-of-the-universe gravitas, often in the course of a single hour episode.

This series also include all eight Doctor Who specials, and two animated adventures, for a total of nearly 40 hours of Who, not counting all the extra features, interviews and such.

It’s a bit pricey, coming in at nearly $150 for the set, but it’s a worthy consideration for holiday purchase if you have any diehard Whovians on your wishlist.

Green Lantern: Extended Cut (Warner Bros., 123 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray): A big, loud, overly long origin story that misses nearly every established mark that a comic book movie should hit in order to succeed.

“Batman and Robin” is still the worst big-budget superhero movie ever made, but “Green Lantern” may well be the laziest.

It’s as if the creative braintrust, and I use that term very lightly, thought they could simply hoodwink the audience into thinking they were being entertained just by allowing Ryan Reynolds to smirk impishly and take off his shirt several times.

It’s not enough, people. Not enough!

It’s shameful really because it’s very clear that some people worked incredibly hard to make “Green Lantern” look incredible, and it does. The visual effects, particularly the detail scenes of Parallax, the former immortal who got too close to fear and became consumed by its power, are truly impressive.

In fact, I dare say that few movies that spend a big chunk of time in outer space have ever looked this good.

But it’s only window dressing. The actual foundation upon which the film is built is so shoddily constructed that it just makes you angry.

DC Comics should be angry too. “Green Lantern,” while an obscure comic book title to many, was a logical choice for the big screen. Reynolds was a decent choice to play Hal Jordan. Peter Sarsgaard actually delivers a believable, vulnerable performance as Hector Hammond, the wallflower-y son of Sen. Hammond (Tim Robbins) who becomes infected with alien DNA.

But something went horribly wrong, obviously. What longtime fans got was not what they wanted. Instead, fans received exactly what they feared they might – a debacle of epic proportion that effectively kills any chance for DC Comics to launch its own superhero film franchise to rival Marvel Comics anytime soon, if ever.

Horrible Bosses: Totally Inappropriate Edition (Warner Bros., 106 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Dirty, crude and completely inappropriate. And that’s just Jennifer Anniston’s revelatory performance as Dr. Julia Harris, a predatory cougar who sexually harasses her helpless dental hygienist Dale (Charlie Day).

We haven’t even gotten to Bobby Pellitt (Colin Farrell), the comb-over sporting, cocaine snorting, hooker loving boss from hell to Kurt (Jason Sudeikis). Or the sadomasochistic, soulless CEO Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey, recalling fond memories of his epically evil turn in Swimming With Sharks), who revels in tormenting Nick (Jason Bateman) about a promotion he will never receive.

It says something when the three leading men, all fine and very funny comedians, take second seat to the supporting cast of celebrities playing their bosses.

But that’s part of what makes “Horrible Bosses” such a surprise. It doesn’t follow the traditional R-rated comedy rules. Sure, there are some moments where grossout humor wins the day and you feel almost guilty for giggling like a prepubescent boy, but those moments don’t feel forced or thrown in simply because it was time for some scatological humor.

I think the best comparison that can be made is that “Horrible” is a super-sized reboot of “9 to 5,” the camp classic workplace revenge comedy that starred Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton as employees of the uber-evil Dabney Coleman.

Only instead of just one Franklin M. Hart Jr. (Coleman), you’ve got three deserving bosses whom you wouldn’t think twice if they were dead.

Where “Horrible” deviates to its benefit is that it creates a plausible story that keeps the main cast flirting with violent criminal behavior but not necessarily crossing that line to the point where a viewer might start to question their own internal moral compass.

That’s a tricky line to straddle, but “Horrible Bosses” pulls it off. This is a funny, funny movie, one that you might have overlooked in theaters but it deserves your attention now.

The Tree of Life (Fox, 139 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray): Maybe it’s because you could never find good enough LSD these days to properly understand and enjoy Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life.”

Maybe it’s because Malick doesn’t feel the need to thematically tether his story of a young boy growing up in better days, soaking in the contrasting life lessons provided by a heavy-handed father (Brad Pitt) and a compassionate mother (Jessica Chastain), to the universe-spawning Big Bang and resulting primordial soup that becomes Planet Earth.

Maybe it’s because we’re all just too stupid to get it.

Whatever the reason, “Tree of Life” may well be the most intense, mind-trippy yet ultimately unsatisfying two-plus hours you will ever spend watching a movie.

By the time Sean Penn shows up, wandering a wasteland, or baby dinosaurs skitter across a prehistoric stream, you will be left scratching your head and fighting back the throb in your temple because it just doesn’t make sense.

Is this what people felt the first time they saw “2001: A Space Odyssey”? Is Malick giving us his version of the black monolith surrounded by Neanderthal man?

Your guess is as good as mine.

But still, “Tree of Life” is worth a watch. It truly is gorgeous with its fetishistic obsession for nature, a Malick trademark, or its colorful churn of cosmic dust that eventually becomes our planet.

Also Available:

Aqua Unit Patrol Squad: Season One – Adult Swim’s retitled Aqua Teen Hunger Force returns as “Aqua Unit Patrol Squad,” the continuing adventures of Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad. Humor doesn’t get more random or irreverent than this. It’s difficult to know the exact headspace one needs to be in to enjoy the animated escapades of fast food and their excursions into the surreal. But I’m guessing there should be a giant bong and some old-school reggae playing. Even if you aren’t a stoner slacker who still lives with your parents despite pushing 40, it’s likely that you will learn some valuable life lessons, such as when Master Shake gets all philosophical and shares: “You don’t know what you have until it leaves after you chase it around with a ball-peen hammer.” And I guarantee you will still chuckle nervously when Steven Wright, the deadpan comedian with the monotone delivery, shows up as an alien that has made love to Master Shake’s face for nine years in a hyperbolic sleep chamber in order to inseminate Shake to spawn babies. If that doesn’t work, then try partying with Creditor, a Predator-like killing machine who rips the skulls and spinal columns from bodacious party girls or trying to use a rabid dog and a Frisbee to pick up naked chicks in the park, only to be thwarted by cool guy with tattoos and most importantly, watch in abject horror as AUPS introduces you to the difference between making a booty tooty and leaving a booty pooty. Here’s a quick primer: You definitely don’t want Meatwad to leave a booty pooty on the breathalyzer tube if you have to keep blowing into the tube to drive your car home drunk from the strip club. I’m pretty sure they never got into this kind of stuff during my Saturday Morning cartoon heyday in the 1970s. Just saying.

Last Exit to Brooklyn – A smoldering, fearless performance by Jennifer Jason Leigh, with a supporting cast to die for, including Stephen Lang, Jerry Orbach and Burt Young, propel Hubert Selby’s best seller from the page to the screen in all its bleak, bloodshot, booze-soaked glory.

Arena – Samuel L. Jackson and that dude from “Twilight,” Kellan Lutz, try to class up a B-grade action redo of the already-cliched futuristic fight-to-the-death on the Internet genre.

Kenneyville – For a low-budget feature, “Kenneyville” looks great. It’s well-made, the acting is above average and it nicely navigates that stretch of horror that now exists to hold the various fringe genres, spin-offs and variations on “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Hostel” and such. But “Kenneyville” strives to be something more, a twisted tale of secret government experiments in a quiet Canadian community where a brilliant scientist has teamed up with a shadowy government organization to create an elite squad of killer sex slave assassins. It sounds more lurid and deviant than it really is, which might be part of the problem. “Kenneyville” doesn’t hoist its freak flag high enough up the pole. Instead of embracing its pulpy drive-in sensibilities, it tries too hard to play it mostly straight. It’s an interesting and entertaining film that likely could have been something more.

South of Heaven – A quirky, bloody, enjoyable film festival hit from 2008, “South of Heaven” doesn’t Wow! the way you might want it to, but it gets major points for trying something original, a revenge flick with well-conceived characters that doesn’t rely on explosions or big action scenes to deliver the goods.

Drinking Made Easy: The Complete First Season – Drinking is difficult? I never found that to be the case. In fact, drinking comes easy for me, I’m actually five fingers into a bottle of Evan Williams while writing this review. See, it’s not hard at all. But if you’re still worried you might not be doing it right, then by all means, go watch this witty and irreverent show about, duh, drinking booze.

Jem and the Holograms: The Truly Outrageous Complete Series – Do you remember this weird hybrid that mixed anime-style characters with old Hanna-Barbera animation? The dayglo colors. The kitschy 80s soundtrack. The musical numbers that flowed like acid-tinged fever dreams complete with cars made out of guitars and other bizarre imagery. This 11-disc collector’s set includes all episodes from the show’s four seasons spanning 1985 to 1988, plus a plethora of bonus materials, including a documentary, the original commercials and more. Somewhere, grown adults are weeping glitter in anticipation.

Zookeeper – I just don’t think Kevin James is funny. And adding talking animals doesn’t help. Just look what it did for Eddie Murphy in “Dr. Doolittle.” Who, you ask. Exactly my point.

Ghost Hunters: Season 6 Volume 2 – Do you ever wonder if somewhere in Rhode Island there’s a guy with a clogged toilet who wished he had called any other plumbing service but the one that employs Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson. What do you mean they’re unavailable? My toilet is clogged dammit!

The Trip – I’m pretty sure of all the people I could be stuck in a car with, Steve Coogan is nowhere near the top of the list. I don’t even think he’s on the list.

Terri – John C. Reilly continues to show why he’s one of the best, most subtle comedic actors working today in this quirky coming of age tale.

Beautiful Boy – Don’t let the title fool you. This is a dark drama focused on a family’s attempt to understand a tragedy that hits way too close to home.

Scrooge: The Musical – I still prefer the Bill Murray version best.

Bonanza: Season 2 Volume 2 – Hoss, I think you were a little rough on Little Joe last night.

Gunsmoke: Season 5 – Matt Dillon, you stop petting Miss Kitty now, you hear?

Bones: The Complete Sixth Season – Is it me or do shows like “Bones” and “House” and most other Fox hits just chug along, year after year, without ever seeming to deviate from an established formula?

Chuck: The Complete Fourth Season – Then you’ve got a show like “Chuck,” which has quietly morphed from a funny fish out of water spy tale in its first two seasons to a more seasoned action-adventure with irreverent situations and a nice grouping of guest appearances from Chevy Chase to Scott Bakula to Linda Hamilton.

Leap Year – A mature, explicit but very real examination of human sexuality, the relationships we form and the past experiences that we must learn to live with, this import from Mexico, a festival winner at Cannes, is provocative without pandering, erotic without going overboard and completely fascinating.

Mr. Nice – True story of a British drug smuggler who became embroiled in international espionage with an electric central performance by Rhys Ifans, who soon will play Dr. Connor, aka The Lizard, in the “Spider Man” reboot. 

The Sylvian Experiments - Muddled attempt to combine the found footage genre with something resembling J-horror, circa “Ringu” or “Ju-On.”

Taylor Swift’s Journey to Fearless – If you really want to empower young girls, don’t make their parents have to take out a loan so they can buy tickets to bring the family to see your concert. Sure, I know, that’s why this concert disc exists, to give the less wealthy people a chance to catch Taylormania too. It just feels a little too packaged and polished to me.

The Child’s Eye – Dear Pang Brothers, the first film in this series, “The Eye,” was truly unsettling and well-made. Every subsequent film in the franchise has eroded the faith fans had in your directing talent and diminished the impact that we might otherwise feel seeing your names attached to a new release.  Please stop. End the series. Move on to something new. Thank you. Signed, Me.

Vlog – A horror film about technology and the Internet that considers the weeks leading up to the death of a young woman on webcam, when she is stalked and forced to watch her friends brutally murdered.

 

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