Blood: The Last Vampire
Genre: Horror/Anime Adaptation
Directed by: Chris Nahon
Run time: 89 minutes
Rating: R
Format: Blu-Ray
The Lowdown: “Blood: The Last Vampire” somehow manages to rise above low expectations, dismal early reviews and an annoying reliance on fake CGI blood splatters to actually entertain with enough rousing fight scenes and interesting vampire foes to outweigh the obvious negatives.
This live-action adaptation of the long-popular Japanese manga and anime cartoon, “Blood: The Last Vampire” is one of those movies that you watch without paying much attention to the dialogue, particularly the long-winded explanations of who’s good, who’s bad and why this fight has raged on for centuries.
You watch it to see a Japanese schoolgirl kick butt with martial arts mayhem and a big sharp sword.
And in that respect, it’s pretty damn fun.
Some of the CGI is awful, but some of it, particularly the winged vampire nemesis, is enjoyable despite the cheese.
There are too many plot holes, inconsistencies and just plain HUH? moments to list here.
Just go with the action on screen and check logic at the door and you should be sufficiently engaged for its brief 89-minute run time.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Asian vampire schoolgirls with swords, covered in blood. Oh yeah.
Nudity – No.
Gore – Minimal.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Vampires, duh.
Buy/Rent – Rent it.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – Storyboard Gallery; Making-of featurette; “Battling Demons: Behind the Stunts” featurette.
On the Web – http://www.sonypictures.com/homevideo/bloodthelastvampire/
Release Date – Oct. 20, 2009
Night of the Creeps – Director’s Cut
Genre: Horror/Zombie
Directed by: Fred Dekker
Run time: 90 minutes
Rating: Unrated
Format: Blu-Ray
The Lowdown: Fred Dekker’s 1986 cult classic has a large following and for good reason.
Of all the cheesy 1980 monster movies that were released in multiplexes, “Night of the Creeps” has an enduring popularity because of its fun nature, its gross effects and its sweet, clichéd nerdy boy meets girl story that gets goosed by an invasion of parasitic alien worms from outer space.
Released in high-definition for the first-time, the director’s cut includes Dekker’s original ending, which teased a second story focusing on the alien efforts to retrieve and kill the worms, and makes for a fun game of what-could-have-been.
“Night of the Creeps” is best enjoyed as pure 80s cheese. It’s not memorable for producing good, grab your girlfriend’s hand scares like “Fright Night” or “Night of the Demons,” but it features venerable B-movie God Tom Atkins (I still love you in “Halloween III: Season of the Witch,” regardless of what everyone else says) and enough face-exploding parasite worm attacks to keep gorehounds happy.
This is definitely one for collector’s and for diehard horror fans to add to their shelf. It’s a great lazy day, pop it in the player and nap intermittently movie.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Hot enough.
Nudity – Brief.
Gore – Yes.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Zombie-making space worms.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – Director and cast commentary; original theatrical ending; deleted scenes; multilple featurettes, “Birth of the Creeps,” “Cast of the Creeps,” “Creating the Creeps,” “Escape of the Creeps,” “Legend of the Creeps”; a short feature on B-movie legend Tom Atkins, “Man of Action”; trivia track; original theatrical trailer.
Release Date – Oct. 27, 2009
Children of the Corn (2009)
Genre: Horror/Remake
Directed by: Donald P. Borchers
Run time: 92 minutes
Rating: Unrated
Format: DVD
The Lowdown: OK, enough’s enough.
Can we please call for an infinite moratorium on freakin’ “Children of the Corn” movies?
Please.
And would someone also tie Stephen King to a chair and not let him near a computer if he ever thinks it’s a good idea to revisit his once creepy short story to give it another go.
This 2009 remake of the original 1984 film, co-written by King and original producer Donald P. Borchers, who pulls double-duty as director, tries to reinvent the franchise as a Vietnam-era meditation on God and the dangers of organized religion.
And it fails. Not spectacularly, but pitifully.
The new additions – a mixed-race Burt and Vicki, a new Issac and a weaker Malachai and the not-scary-at-all He Who Walks Behind the Rows – come off as annoying and laughable.
Issac and Malachai, in particular, pale by comparison to their original incarnations.
The entire film feels wrong from Burt and Vicki’s constant fighting, shouting, crying, abusiveness to the overwrought scenes of Heartland revival where Issac tries to rally his youthful congregation into believing that there is no life after 18.
This is the eighth “Children of the Corn” film in the past 25 years.
Hopefully, it’s the last.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Eh.
Nudity – Yes.
Gore – Minor.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Malachai and Issac, boring blood brothers.
Buy/Rent – Neither.
Release Date – Oct. 6, 2009
Check out 16 local artist at ArtCore’s “ArtGore” tonight at Karma Bar & Cafe.
There will be an art show and halloween costume contest.
Land of the Lost
Genre: TV/Comedy/Science-Fiction
Directed by: Brad Silberling
Run time: 102 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Format: DVD
The Lowdown: Dear Will Ferrell, how it pains me to write this letter to you.
I have loved your films for years, laughed at your comic creations, wept tears born of my juvenile fascination with pee and flatulence jokes and generally worshipped pretty much every movie you’ve made (minus “Semi-Pro,” sorry dude, but it was one sports movie too many) since 2003’s “Old School.”
I have quoted liberally from “Anchorman” and “Talladega Nights,” guffawed at the ridiculousness of “Step Brothers” and even marveled at minor cameos in “Wedding Crashers” and other films where you seemingly appeared like a comedy angel to elevate a lesser film to greater glory.
But “Land of the Lost”?
I couldn’t believe the reviews, refused to dignify the lack of stars, scoffed at the box office bomb that was opening weekend.
I knew everyone had it wrong. I knew there was that same Will Ferrell spark to be found. I waited eagerly to gloat to the detractors at how wrong they were.
Then I actually sat down and watched it. And man, oh man, does it suck.
I realize you had the unenviable task of taking a low-budget show about nothing, really, and making it into a subversive comedy about something.
But wow – did you miss the mark.
“Land of the Lost” careens like a drunken pirate at Gasparilla stumbling down Bayshore Boulevard, switching tone wildly and often from family-friendly comedy to adults-only bathroom humor.
It’s like no one knew what to do with the script and opted instead for an anything-goes bravado that falls flat way too often when you consider Ferrell and Danny McBride are two of the funniest men on the planet.
It’s time to regroup, Will Ferrell, and put this atrocity behind you.
Consider this your “Ishtar” or “Hudson Hawk” and just move on.
I forgive you. And I know your legions of fans forgive you as well.
Just take your time, fully develop a new character like Ron Burgundy or Ricky Bobby and come out swinging.
Then this “Land” will thankfully, hopefully be lost from memory for good.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Anna Friel, a grown-up hottie Holly.
Nudity – No.
Gore – No.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Sleestaks.
Buy/Rent – Neither.
On the Web – http://www.landofthelost.net/
Release Date – Oct. 13, 2009
Drag Me to Hell
Genre: Horror
Directed by: Sam Raimi
Run time: 99 minutes
Rating: Unrated
Format: Blu-Ray
The Lowdown: Twenty-eight years after his landmark independent film “The Evil Dead,” director Sam Raimi has not grown up one single day.
He still delights in spewing bodily fluids, exploding eyeballs, terrifying jump scares and throwing his actors around a set like rag dolls as they endure unbelievable abuse to make the audience shriek in fear.
“Drag Me to Hell,” Raimi’s return to horror after helming three monster “Spider Man” films, plays like the perfect mash-up of “The Evil Dead,” its second sequel “Army of Darkness” and “The Quick and the Dead,” his campy western from 1995.
All the dazzling camera tricks – the swoops, the close-ups, the swirling panoramas – are here. The goop and blood and bile is too.
But none of it would matter if Raimi and his brother Ivan hadn’t cooked up a whale of a grisly tale to tell and created the perfect target in nebbish loan officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), who learns all too well the consequences for deciding to stand up for one’s self.
Over the course of nearly 100 breakneck minutes, Raimi barely pauses to breathe, subjecting Christine Brown to every horror imaginable after she embarrasses a poor gypsy woman seeking an extension on her mortgage.
Christine is attacked by demons, pummeled by invisible hell hounds, forced to spew blood and ingest vomit and bile. The effects are top-notch, but still manage to hold on to the same maverick streak that permeated Raimi’s early work. While he employs CGI at times, it’s clear how heartily he revels in showing a blistering up-close bloody battle inside a car and around a parking garage, for example. That scene, in particular, where Christine first encounters the gypsy face to face is wholly reminiscent of the cramped shots inside the lonely cabin in the woods when Ashley Williams is first attacked by the evils of the Necronomicon.
The beauty of “Drag Me to Hell,” much like Raimi’s early work, is that ultimately, it just doesn’t matter. The great irony is that there is no happy ending for someone trapped in a Sam Raimi nightmare. There is only abuse, suffering and torment.
After seven years in comic book land where the bad guys lose, the hero gets the girl and the townsfolk rejoice, it’s nice to see such an A-list director get his hands dirty with a nasty slice of deliriously dark fantasy.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – No.
Nudity – No.
Gore – Considerable.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Don’t mess with the old gypsy woman.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – BD-Live Exclusive content and Production Video Diaries.
On the Web – http://www.dragmetohell.net/
Release Date – Oct. 13, 2009
The syndicated game show “Wheel of Fortune” and ABC Action News (WFTS, Channel 28) gave away $25,000 to local viewers this week.
Christine Alder of Clearwater gets a big check for $5,000.
On Monday , Mary Rodriguez of Tampa won the $5K Every Day giveaway. She got a knock on the door by the game show’s silver-sparkled “spokeswedge” to receive the $5,000. “I’ve never won anything before,” Mary said. “We are big ‘Wheel of Fortune’ fans, and this is very special.”
Mary, who recently retired from her position as coordinator for the continuing education department at Hillsborough Community College, plans on using her winnings to go on vacation with her husband, Jose.
“We really like to travel, and we would like to go to Cincinnati to visit our son, and whatever we have left over, use it to go to Yellowstone National Park,” she said.
On Tuesday night, Christine Alder, a Clearwater resident, became $5,000 richer. The retired General Motors employee had no idea she would win and all she could do was dream and hope, she said.
“I said, ‘It’s not going to happen,’ ” Christine said. “But the odds have to be better than the lottery because I’ve been playing the lottery for so long, so many years.” A lifelong fan of “Wheel of Fortune,” she already has plans for the money. “All I kept thinking about was a new washer and drier,” she said. “Then I got to thinking later that my granddaughter’s commencement from college is in December.”
Mary and Jose have plans for the $5,000.
Linda Tyler of Forrest Hills was the $5,000 winner on Wednesday night. She registered with WFTS, watched “Wheel of Fortune” and knew the WFTS designated puzzle when a sweepstakes representative called.
“I thought it was a joke at first,” Linda said. “I had told my daughter and some of her friends that it was a joke, but she assured me it wasn’t when they called.”
Linda, who is a cafeteria worker at Mulrennan Middle School, added that the big win couldn’t have come at a better time.
“I’m going to brag at work,” she laughed. Linda plans on using the money to buy Christmas presents for her grandchildren and to remodel a spare bedroom.
Betty Stern became $5,000 richer on Thursday night. The Palm Harbor resident was the fourth winner.
“I can’t even explain how it feels,” Betty said. “I’ve never won anything before. It was very exciting. I watch the show all the time. It was wonderful.”
Betty, who is a Sony Card holder and a Wheel Watchers Club member, plans on using the money to help her children with their expenses, she said.
Her husband, Richard also has plans for the money. “He said he is going to take me to the flea market and get me something nice,” she chuckled.
James Farrell became $5,000 richer when he became the fifth and final winner. “I was shocked, I couldn’t believe that I was the winner,” James, 41, said. “I couldn’t believe it happened to me.”
James, who works at a fast-food restaurant, is a lifelong fan of “Wheel of Fortune. ” He plans on using his winnings to pay bills and take a trip to Disney World with friends
For your Halloween water cooler chatter: Here is Forbes Magazine’s list of 10 highest grossing dead celebrities:
1) Yves Saint Laurent, $350 million
2) Rodgers & Hammerstein, $235 million
3) Michael Jackson, $90 million
4) Elvis Presley, $55 million
5) JRR Tolkien, $50 million
6) Charles Schulz, $35 million
7) John Lennon, $15 million
8) Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss), $15 million
9) Albert Einstein, $10 million
10) Michael Crichton, $9 million
Regis Philbin dressed as Count Dracula today, and Kelly Rippa looked like a Swiss Miss. What will Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Meredith wear tomorrow?
Tyra Banks, above, has a Halloween-themed show Friday. She will participate in three costume changes, transforming herself into three real-life TV personalities. Tyra channels Kim Kardashian and uses life-size cutouts of Khloe and Kourtney to round out her Kardashian clan costume.
And here is a favorite Regis and Kelly photo from the past, when they dressed as Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson:
Last year, the “Today” show gang went with fairy-tale characters:
Matt Lauer was Humpty Dumpty, Al Roker was the Gingerbread Man, Meredith Vieira was Pinocchio, and Ann Curry was a self-described “ethnic J-Lo Cinderella.”
NBC’s hottest series this fall is the weight-loss reality series “The Biggest Loser,” and on Tuesday’s episode the nine remaining contestants head to Washington, D.C., for a two-hour adventure that will take them from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial to the White House kitchen garden.
Competing as individuals rather than in teams, their first challenge is to race around the National Mall and bring as many people as possible back to the Washington Monument for a public workout with trainers Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels.
While in D.C., the trainers and contestants also meet with Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (New York) and Senator Robert Casey (Pennsylvania) to talk about the need for better health and nutrition education, especially for children.
Then the players engage in a wild four-part competition involving D.C. landmarks and visit to the White House. There, along with assistant White House chef Sam Kass, they pick vegetables from the White House kitchen garden and head inside to join White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford in preparing a healthy and delicious salad.
At week’s end, the contestants weigh in by the steps of the Lincoln Memorial before another elimination round sends a contestant home for an emotional reunion with his or her family.
WWE has announced the main event for “Monday Night RAW” taking place at the St. Pete Times Forum at 8 p.m. Dec. 21.
The Raw 6-Man Tag Match will feature Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Big Show vs. John Cena and DX’s Triple H and Shawn Michaels.
Also scheduled to appear are superstars including Kofi Kingston, MVP, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, Melina and many more.
The event will be broadcast live on the USA Network. For information on Monday Night RAW, visit http://www.wwe.com.
Tickets for this event are on sale now at the box office at the Forum and all Ticketmaster outlets. To order tickets by phone, call Ticketmaster at 800-745-3000. Tickets are priced at $20, $30, $40, $50, and $70. Prices do not include service charges.
Our favorite agent, Jack Bauer, is coming back with a new season of “24,” and this time he is a grandfather.
Fox started promoting the eighth season during Game 1 of the World Series.
The new season begins with a two-hour episode Jan. 17.
Paul Newman: The Tribute Collection
Genre: Drama/Western/Action
Directed by: Multiple
Rating: Unrated
Format: DVD
The Lowdown: When Paul Newman passed away in September 2008, the world lost a true icon – one of its most loved and well-regarded actors and a man who managed to sidestep the trappings of fame to live a mostly quiet life with his family, helping others through his charity and giving entertainment to the masses with some of the best movies ever made.
The 17-disc “Tribute Collection,” which includes 13 of Newman’s most well-known and well-received films, is a testament to his lasting legacy, covering a career that stretched nearly five decades.
From early dramas like “Exodus” and “The Long Hot Summer” to classics like “The Hustler” and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” to Grade-A genre fare like “The Towering Inferno” and, my personal Newman favorite, “The Verdict,” this wonderful set doesn’t encompass all of Newman’s best work. But it definitely provides a taste of what made him such a legend.
The collection includes:
Disc 1: The Long Hot Summer
Disc 2: Rally ‘Round the Flag Boys
Disc 3: From the Terrace
Disc 4: Exodus
Disc 5: The Hustler - Collector’s Edition Disc 1
Disc 6: The Hustler - Collector’s Edition Disc 2
Disc 7: Hemingway’s Adventures of a Young Man
Disc 8: What a Way To Go!
Disc 9: Hombre
Disc 10: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Collector’sl Edition Disc 1
Disc 11: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Collector’s Edition Disc 2
Disc 12: Towering Inferno - Special Edition Disc 1
Disc 13: Towering Inferno - Special Edition Disc 2
Disc 14: Buffalo Bill and the Indians
Disc 15: Quintet
Disc 16: The Verdict - Collector’s Edition Disc 1
Disc 17: The Verdict - Collector’s Edition Disc 2
In addition, there is a beautiful 136-page soft-cover book that traces Newman’s entire career with dozens of photos, many never seen before.
The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Yes.
Nudity – No.
Gore – No.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – No.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
Release Date – Sept. 22, 2009
R. Sikoryak, bless his twisted head, is some sort of genius. His “Masterpiece Comics” — some of which are reprinted here in a beautiful coffee table book — offer example after example of how he has seamlessly mashed up famous comic characters with classic literature.
The book features a half dozen short comics, in which Sikoryak gives a well-known comic character the lead role in a work of classic literature. He also manages to mimic the art style of those who created the comics, from Charles Schultz (of “Peanuts” fame) to Bob Kane (“Batman”). In short, dude has mad drawing skills, mixed with a twisted sense of humor and great taste in books.
For those who know the literature, it’s hilarious. If you’ve never read the classics, these comics actually give you a quick glimpse at the some of the novel’s key points.
Russian literature lovers, I dare you not to smile at Dostoyevsky Comics, in which Batman is cast in the role of Raskolnikov from “Crime and Punishment,” a man who struggles with his conscious after committing a senseless murder. His companion is a transvestite who looks quite a bit like Robin and the woman he murders comes back to haunt him, laughing at his anguish, Joker-style.
Or there’s Action Camus, in which a, ah, super man goes all existential, playing the role of Meursault in Albert Camus’ “The Stranger.” Sikoryak puts Camus’ famous line from “The Stranger” in Superman’s mouth. When a woman (Lois Lane?) asks, “Do you love me?”, he responds: “Well, it’s a meaningless question, but I suppose not.”
Sikoryak doesn’t save his mash ups for just costumed superheroes. He uses Blonde and Dagwood to tell the story of Adam and Eve, and uses Charlie Brown and the “Peanuts” gang for Franz Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” in ways I even won’t attempt to describe.
It’s original, daring and breathes life into both comics and classics. How could a book lover not love Sikoryak for that?
The top prize for Halloween costumes at the Freaker’s Ball on Friday at Skipper’s Smokehouse went to these guys:
Reko Rivera, left, and John Savio, right, have the best Apple iPhone costumes in the country. Their YouTube video is a huge hit. And they won at Skipper’s.
They are wearing working 42-inch LCD TVs. The costumes each have iPhones mounted on top and weigh 85 pounds each because there’s a car battery required to power the display. The iPhone can be manipulated by the person wearing the costume—the interactions show up in real time on the TV.
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