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John Allman

If you’ve ever wandered the aisles at the video store or surfed the DVR pay-per-view options and seen a bunch of movies that you’ve never heard of, chances are John has watched them. Why? He loves movies. All kinds of movies. Good, bad, so-bad-they’re good, even the truly unwatchable ones. He mostly loves horror and science-fiction and drive-in exploitation movies that most upstanding model citizens wouldn’t dare watch. Then he writes up his thoughts so you can decide - watch, don’t watch or avoid at all costs. Sometimes he even gets to talk to the cool folks who make some of your favorite films.

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New Releases for Tuesday, Sept. 7, 2010

Posted Sep 13, 2010 by John Allman

Updated Sep 13, 2010 at 11:01 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

Starcrash
Genre: Sci-Fi
Directed by: Luigi Cozzi, aka Lewis Coates
Run time: 92 minutes
Rating: PG
Format: DVD

The Lowdown: Imagine if you will a world in which “Star Wars” never existed.

That’s the only plausible scenario that could ever make “Starcrash,” also released as “The Adventures of Stella Star,” a remotely original film.

Instead, released just a year after George Lucas’ groundbreaking pulp odyssey, this Roger Corman Cult Classic, bears these surprisingly distinct similarities:

Sexy space pirate Stella Star (Caroline Munro, exuding sex appeal and little else) is guided by a young, blonde space companion named Akton (Marjoe Gortner) who is learning to harness his inner power, or psychic force, and who fights with a nifty sword that turns into a beam of light.

“Star Wars” features a young blonde space traveler named Luke whose father is Anakin, who must learn to harness the Force in order to develop his own mind over matter, or psychic, abilities, and who learns to wield a light saber.

Star has a robot protector named Elle who speaks, for no apparent reason, in a Texas drawl, and serves as obvious comic relief. “Star Wars” has two robot protectors who provide both helpful guidance and comic relief.

“Star Wars” has a bad guy named Darth Vader. “Starcrash” has a main bad guy named Zarth.

Both films feature “The Emperor,” only in “Starcrash,” the Emperor is played by Christopher Plummer, acting in a league by himself, and he’s a good guy, not the embodiment of evil.

The comparisons go on and on.

What “Star Wars” didn’t have, though, is the Hoff. That’s right, “Starcrash” marks one of the early screen roles of David Hasselhoff as Simon, the Emperor’s son. The Hoff doesn’t get to say much, which is thankful, but he displays all the hallmarks that would distinguish his future career as TV lifeguard Mitch Buchannon, meaning he gets the girl and he is expected to step up and be a hero when called upon.

“Starcrash” is actually a riot as a pulpy, campy 1979 sci-fi feature. There’s woeful special effects, such as the subpar Ray Harryhausen-esque stop-motion robot attackers, which actually resemble iron ducks. Count Zarth Arn gets to wear a cape and walk around laughing maniacally for no reason. You know what I mean, that Mu-Wa-Ha-Ha-Ha evil guy laugh that always means some nefarious plan is afoot.

The latest installment of Shout! Factory’s awesome “Roger Corman Cult Classics” line of re-issues features the same loving attention to detail. There’s the cool reverse cover that allows you to display alternate original posters for the movie, a nice 12-page, full-color book with film essay and a boatload of special features on a separate disc, including multiple interviews, deleted and extended scenes, featurettes, original film trailers with optional commentary by directors Eli Roth and Joe Dante, the original script and more.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Caroline Munro, sex kitten hot.
Nudity – Surprisingly, no.
Gore – Silly laser blast disintegrations.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – Joe Spinell, unintentionally hilarious as Count Zarth Arn.
Buy/Rent – Buy it.
On the Web – http://www.shoutfactory.com/browse/318/roger_cormans_cult_classics.aspx

MacGruber (Universal, 95 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Here’s what works in this ridiculous, over the top spoof of 1980s action movies and TV series: The music, the small details and the blatant homages that serve to adequately skewer moments from other films that weren’t ever meant to be funny.

Throw in a bunch of gratuitous nudity and uncomfortable sex scenes played for laughs, more junk jokes than you’ve likely ever heard outside of a Kevin Smith film and a couple of genuinely funny moments and you have “MacGruber,” a stretched-too-thin Saturday Night Live skit turned feature film that slowly grows on you even as it becomes more and more silly.

Will Forte has enough charm and screen presence to pull off the difficult transition from TV to movie screen, and his impeccable timing and goofy gung-ho works even when some jokes fall flat.

Kristen Wiig has officially cornered the market on playing the girl-next-door hot but still nerdy enough to be cool gal pal, and her delivery, even when just ordering a drink, is riotous.

The best bits include MacGruber rocking out to ‘80s soft rock like Quarterflash, Toto or Mr. Mister during the many musical interludes, the detachable cassette player that Arnett takes with him whenever he parks his car and the loving homages to early, cheesy action films. There’s the requisite scene in the rain where MacGruber straps on his gear, a hilarious extended scene of MacGruber putting his team back together and the obligatory scene at the cemetery where he says goodbye to his wife, who was killed by Val Kilmer’s evil mastermind Dieter Von Cunth.

The cemetery scene is pretty funny in its own right as MacGruber imagines having a quickie with his late wife on top of a tombstone, and yes, you read that right.

Killers (Lionsgate, 100 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray): Essentially “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” without Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, “Killers” is a confounding, pointless rehash of the now passé ‘My significant other is a world-class super spy and I had no idea’ genre.

If this is why Katherine Heigel quit “Grey’s Anatomy,” let’s hope she invested well because the only thing this movie kills could be her career.

The problem with “Killers” is tone. Is it an action movie with not-so funny subplots or a rom-com with grisly slayings?

“Killers” undermines its characters at every turn.

The marketing plan already gives away that Ashton Kutcher is an assassin, eliminating one possible surprise. Kutcher isn’t bad in the role of Spencer Aimes, but too often it feels like he is channeling Tom Cruise and he never really develops any on-screen chemistry with Katherine Heigel.

Heigel’s Jen Kornfeldt is written too broadly and she seems too desperate to be believable, despite being attractive and young. And her progression from oblivious suburban housewife to gun-toting momma-to-be is laughable in a way the fine folks who made the movie can’t have intended.

Catherine O’Hara, as her mom, is forced to act drunk the entire film. And Tom Selleck gets a thankless role as Heigel’s father, and he is stuck with possibly one of the most inexplicable, improbable twists ever in this type of movie, one that in reality would not provide for the cookie-cutter happy ending that “Killers” asks its audience to swallow.

Growth (Anchor Bay, 90 minutes, Unrated, DVD): A slick, fairly creepy science gone wild horror flick with decent special effects about a vicious parasite cultivated in a government lab on an island. This one may be somewhat predictable, but it’s a solid rental if you’re looking for a scary fix.

Hatchet (Anchor Bay, 84 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Just in time for Halloween, Adam Green’s ode to slasher movies arrives in high-definition. His Victor Crowley may not be entirely original, but the impressive and gory kills more than make up for what the plot lacks. Plus there’s a sequel on the way. Hooray!

Fierce People (After Dark Films, 112 minutes, R, DVD): Intrigue, suspense, murder. The upper-crust rich have all the fun. This little-seen thriller has a decent cast peppered with pedigree (Diane Lane, Donald Sutherland) and rising stars (Anton Yelchin and Kristen Stewart).

Tommy (Sony, 111 minutes, PG, Blu-Ray): The Who’s rock opera opus “Tommy” features iconic songs (Pinball Wizard), star-studded cameos (Ann-Margaret, Elton John) and the distinct visual flair of director Ken Russell, who never met a sexual metaphor that he couldn’t exploit to the Nth degree. The Blu-Ray debut of one of rock’s all-time film greats comes complete with the original Quintaphonic Stereo soundtrack and a new Soundtrack Notes feature that details the pain-staking restoration.

TV on DVD Round-up:

Chuck: The Complete Third Season (Warner Bros., 817 minutes, Unrated, DVD): “Chuck” finds its footing for the long haul following a needed twist at the end of Season Two. Now imbued with Intersect abilities that can instantly transform him into a badass, high-kicking super agent, Charles Bartowski can get the girl of his dreams and possibly escape the CIA, if he really wants. But what does Chuck want – to be that guy that he’s never been or remain the likable uber-geek that we fell in love with during Season One. The subplots this season are solid, including a multi-arc story on Awesome being mistaken for a spy, the return of Col. Casey and more will-they, won’t-they, oh thank God they finally do! moments between Chuck and Sarah.

Supernatural: The Complete Fifth Season (Warner Bros., 915 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): What should have been the fifth and final season, the excellent culmination of the Angelic Dean and Demonic Sam Winchester saga, gets upended a bit by the decision to carry over to one last season Six. But that doesn’t mean that this season gets any happier or lighter in tone. On the contrary, the amazing ability of “Supernatural” to continually surprise and awe its audience with a wonderfully paced, expertly played series of serious mythology episodes combined with fun monster-of-the-week or irreverent homage episodes has made this one of the best, if not the best horror-themed shows ever to air on TV. It hasn’t grown tiresome or worn out its welcome like its predecessors. And I for one can’t wait for the season premiere in two weeks.

The Office: Season Six (Universal, 604 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Originally dismissed as an obtuse, obscure American rehash of a British classic, “The Office” has grown to surpass all expectations as both a stellar example of comedic excellence and a Master’s level course on the importance of building the perfect cast. Because that is really what has propelled “The Office” into iconic status, the amazingly diverse and wonderful roster of supporting players from Craig Robinson to Ed Helms and B.J. Novak who provide undeniable support to front-runners Steve Carell, John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer.

Less Than Perfect: Season One (Lionsgate, 464 minutes, Unrated, DVD): A Petri dish experiment for ensemble acting that led several never-knowns to future breakout roles, “Less Than Perfect” may be better known in history as the launching pad of Zachary Levi (NBC’s Chuck) and Sherri Shephard (ABC’s The View) and even more now for lead star Sara Rue’s weight-loss transformation. When the show first premiered, it was regarded as an anomaly, a sitcom that featured a curvy redheaded female lead (Rue) in an industry dominated by waist size 0 vacant blondes. Oh, and Andy Dick.

Smallville: The Complete Ninth Season (Warner Bros., 928 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): You gotta hand it to the fine folks behind “Smallville.” Kudos to them for taking the chance and re-introducing younger viewers to DC Comic’s stable of Justice League of America heroes like The Green Arrow, Aquaman and Martian Manhunter, as well as including fan favorites like Doomsday, the only guy strong enough to kill Superman. By diving headfirst into the comics mythology, TV’s long-running show about the Man of Steel’s maturation from high school student to world savior was able to reinvent itself with a myriad of storylines that proved Supe wasn’t the only hero worth caring about in Metropolis.

Boy Meets World: Seasons One, Two and Three (Lionsgate, 1,578 minutes, Unrated, DVD): Call it “The Other Years.” ABC’s long-running Friday night favorite “Boy Meets World” was like a current version of “The Wonder Years,” even casting Ben Savage, kid brother of Fred Savage from “Wonder Years,” as Cory Matthews, the coming-of-age kid around whom the show revolved.

Criminal Minds: The Complete Fifth Season (Paramount, 977 minutes, Unrated, DVD): Ridiculous in the best possible way and often eschewing the predictable formula of most law enforcement procedurals, “Criminal Minds” has grown into a grisly juggernaut that features creepy serial killers, gory crime scenes and often uncomfortably tense, ripped from the headlines scenarios. The BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) team is solid and has remained largely unchanged since Mandy Patinkin left after the first two seasons. Sure, it’s a who’s who of stock stereotypes – the nerdy whiz kid, the strong black guy, the cold by-the-book female agent, the kooky alternative female hacker, the soft-hearted mom, the jaded veteran and the square-jawed, unflappable leader – but each actor so embodies their respective role that you actually grow to love these characters, flaws and all. And, yes, you come to realize that every week features a fairly predictable pattern where the big break in the case comes just six minutes before the episode ends, but still it’s compelling in its own right.

The Norm Show (Shout! Factory, 1,200 minutes, Unrated, DVD): Norm Macdonald is one of those comedians whose carefully crafted, laconic delivery often zooms straight over the heads of his intended audience. He gives just enough Wink! Wink! To his zingers to show that they’re merely meant in fun, but his endless put-downs and observations often induced squirms and cringing. Like his comedic colleagues Chris Elliott and Dennis Miller, all three honed their skills with stand-up and ensemble sketch routines on “Saturday Night Live,” and all tried their hand at mainstream success and acceptance. “The Norm Show” was Macdonald’s chance to shine in a standard sitcom format, something his humor wasn’t really suited for. But the show, which ran for three seasons on ABC, often proved hysterical in its tale of Norm Henderson (Macdonald), a professional hockey player who is forced to perform community service as a social worker to avoid jail time. Edgy, often uncomfortable and never shy about pointing a finger squarely at America’s ridiculous self-perceptions, “The Norm Show” was a short-lived hit on Network TV that is better appreciated at home by fans in this hefty eight-disc collection. Guest stars include Dennis Miller, Richard Pryor, Drew Carey and more.

And, finally, a few leftover August Blu-Ray re-releases that deserve not to be forgotten:

Bull Durham (MGM, 108 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): Oh, Ron Shelton, where have you gone? Why did you stop making such wonderful films that picked apart America’s favorite pastimes, from baseball to golf to boxing, often exposing the kooky antics that fans rarely get to see and showing another side to the athletes that we adore, sometimes with an unwavering, naïve fascination. “Bull Durham” remains Shelton’s “Citizen Kane” of sports movies, a love letter to minor league and major league baseball that dwells as much on the individuals as the intricacies of the game itself. Kevin Costner has never been better as “Crash” Davis, Susan Sarandon is amazingly sultry as Annie Savoy and Tim Robbins kills as dim-witted wunderkind Ebby Calvin ‘Nuke’ LaLoosh.

Escape from New York (MGM, 99 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): The “B” movie to end all “B” movies. John Carpenter’s seminal “Escape from New York” fused pulpy drive-in action and post-apocalyptic sci-fi into an unbelievably solid roller coaster ride through a decimated Lower Manhattan turned prison wasteland. Has there ever been a character as calmly cool as Snake Plissken, the one-eyed outlaw who never seems fazed, even when faced with insurmountable odds? Hollywood has tried for decades since the 1981 release of “Escape,” which spawned a cult phenomenon, to capitalize on the vibe and aesthetic that Carpenter brought so effortlessly into play. This remains one of Carpenter’s best films and star Kurt Russell’s most iconic roles.

Kalifornia (MGM, 118 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray): Brad Pitt is never better than when he dirties up his pretty boy image and just loses himself in a character. His best roles, “Seven,” “Fight Club,” “Snatch,” have always played to this advantage. And “Kalifornia,” an early departure from matinee status, was a great indication of what Pitt could do when given the chance to experiment and infuse an unlikeable character with his rakish charm. At the time of its release, “Kalifornia” actually was star-studded. In addition to Pitt, there was his real-life girlfriend, at the time, Juliette Lewis, coming off his star-making turn in “Cape Fear,” and David Duchovny, who was about to explode as FBI Agent Fox Mulder on TV’s “The X-Files.” But this is Pitt’s show from beginning to end, and he paces across the screen like a caged animal, his seething fury barely contained. It’s an electric performance, and an indication of all that was to come.