Welcome to TBO.com. Skip directly to: our Keyword Search, Section Navigation, Content.

TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

TBO.com - Tampa Bay Online

John Allman

If you’ve ever wandered the aisles at the video store or surfed the DVR pay-per-view options and seen a bunch of movies that you’ve never heard of, chances are John has watched them. Why? He loves movies. All kinds of movies. Good, bad, so-bad-they’re good, even the truly unwatchable ones. He mostly loves horror and science-fiction and drive-in exploitation movies that most upstanding model citizens wouldn’t dare watch. Then he writes up his thoughts so you can decide - watch, don’t watch or avoid at all costs. Sometimes he even gets to talk to the cool folks who make some of your favorite films.

Blood, Violence and Babes
John Allman

Most Recent Entries

Monthly Archives

New Releases for Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Posted Mar 25, 2010 by John Allman

Updated Mar 27, 2010 at 05:41 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

The Men Who Stare at Goats (Anchor Bay, 94 mintues, R, Blu-Ray and DVD): Painfully, surprisingly, criminally unfunny. You really have to work hard, I mean pack a bag lunch and spend all day working hard, to make a subversive movie about psychic soldiers and the invasion of Iraq this dreadfully dull. It has to take effort to make an all-star cast, led by the self-deprecatingly funny George Clooney, the snarky funny Kevin Spacey, the impishly funny Ewan McGregor and the Dude of funny Jeff Bridges, this completely unfunny. But somehow, director Grant Heslov accomplishes this difficult task and makes it look easy. The best bits about a top-secret program to train soldiers to think peacefully and use their minds to remote view, transcend time and space and even kill innocent farm animals are all featured in the two-minute trailer. That leaves 92 minutes during which very little of importance happens, other than the repetitive checking of the clock to see how much more is left to endure. This could have been a classic, a la “Catch-22,” and for one brief scene, the back-and-forth banter almost reaches Joseph Heller-style irreverence, but then the script crashes back to Earth and Clooney and Co. go back to wandering the Iraqi desert looking for laughs.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – No.
Nudity – No.
Gore – No.
Drug use – Yes.
Bad Guys/Killers – The military. And Kevin Spacey.
Buy/Rent – Neither.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – Exclusive: Two featurettes, “Goats Declassified: The Real Men of the First Earth Battallion” and “Project Hollywood: A Classified Report from the Set”; two audio commentaries; character bios.
On the Web – http://www.themenwhostareatgoatsmovie.com/

The Blindside (Warner Bros., 128 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray and DVD): Sandra Bullock won an Oscar for her role as a strong Southern matriarch (and Republican, NRA-membering, Christian conservative) whose family takes in a young man to save him from the streets and teach him the value of love, family and football. It’s a good movie, but not a great one. Bullock shines, Tim McGraw holds his own and the feel-good squishy soul of the film remains intact.

Brothers (Lionsgate, 104 minutes, R, Blu-Ray and DVD): I loathe Tobey Maguire. I can’t say thank you enough for the current reboot of the “Spiderman” franchise, specifically because it won’t feature him. I’m beginning to loathe Jake Gyllenhaal, which is sad given how much I loved him in “Bubble Boy” and “Donnie Darko” and even “The Good Girl.” And I’ve never liked Natalie Portman, not even in “Leon: The Professional” and, especially, not in Episodes I, II and III of “Star Wars.” My advice – stick with the original 2004 Danish import featuring Connie Nielsen.

Damage (Fox, 102 minutes, R, DVD): “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was a magnetic force as a professional wrestler. His blue-collar, beer-drinking, hell-raising, authority-bucking and rule-breaking alter-ego delighted sports entertainment fans. As a movie star, Austin has yet to find the proper vehicle to mask his limited acting skills while still capturing his rakish, rough-around-the-edges charm. “Damage” is not a step in the right direction. Austin plays convicted felon John Brickner, who upon his release from prison, is pressured by the widow of his victim to help her raise enough money for a life-saving operation for her daughter. Of course, there just happens to be an underground fighting circuit that lures in brawlers with the promise of fame and fortune. Brickner signs up in order to make enough cash to save the life of the little girl. See, he’s a good convict. And he pummels his way through the competition en route to a final showdown with the unbeaten circuit champ. The refried storyline wouldn’t matter if the fight scenes had any genuine excitement, or even remotely believable action. But when you’re making a lackluster B-movie with uninspiring fight choreography, you’re really waging an uphill battle in a war that can’t be won.

Red Cliff (Magnet, 148 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray and DVD): Magnolia Pictures’ Six-Shooter Film Series continues to roll out the action this time around, after focusing more on thrillers and sci-fi last year. This epic (though not as epic as the 288-minute international version, talk about a commitment) comes from John Woo who, wisely, has stopped toiling with mainstream U.S. cinema, and gone back to his roots.

Mad Men: Season 3 (Lionsgate, 611 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray and DVD): One of television’s best dramas comes packaged in a nice three-disc high-definition set, compiling all the episodes from its solid third season.

Toy Story (Pixar/Disney, 81 minutes, G, Blu-Ray) and Toy Story 2 (Pixar/Disney, 92 minutes, G, Blu-Ray): Woody, Buzz and the rest of the toy box return in glorious high-definition to remind families and overgrown adult children everywhere how Pixar came out of the gate with a ground-breaking and wholly original style of animation. Of course, this being Disney, the bottom-line is the promotional tie-in, which this Blu-Ray re-release reminds you of by pimping “Toy Story 3,” due in theaters this summer in Disney 3D.

Stargate: Atlantis – The Complete Series Collection (MGM, 150 hours, Unrated, Blu-Ray): This 26-disc, impressive box set includes all 100 episodes of the first spin-off from Sci-Fi’s long-running, popular “Stargate: SG-1” television series. While “Stargate: Atlantis” never reached the same dizzying heights as “SG-1,” it was a clever, well-written, enjoyable entry into TV’s science-fiction genre. The cast was solid, there were plenty of crossover characters from “SG-1” and at least one of the stars, Jason Momoa is poised to become an even-bigger star in the now-shooting reboot of “Conan.” Included with the collection are audio commentaries, picture galleries and multiple featurettes. The final disc in the collection includes two new documentaries, “Mission 100: Atlantis reaches a Milestone” and “Stargate: Atlantis – A Retrospective.” This is a must for fans.

Also out (and reviews coming soon):

Fantastic Mr. Fox
After Dark Horrorfest 4: 8 Films to Die For