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Lost Recap: Put Your Pants On

Posted Feb 17, 2010 by Courtney Cairns Pastor

Updated Feb 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM

I should have guessed it would be a wild ride from the beginning of the episode last night when we got Smokey Cam. Supercool! The episode was titled “The Substitute” – and substitutes did play an important part, from the Man in Black using Locke as a substitute body to Engaged Locke living a substitute life when the plane didn’t crash. But the more interesting component was “The Candidate.” Or candidates.

We got some answers last night, if by answers you count explanations like “It’s just a damn island” and “Jacob has a thing for numbers.” But it’s Lost, and for every “answer,” we got more questions.

The alternate timeline seemed a little sleepy compared to the mythology, drama and grumpy Sawyer on Island Time, but it’s worth paying attention to – Damon and Carlton have said the differences in the characters are important. The episode started with a big one: Locke has a girlfriend! We see him in suburbia, living with Helen, who is planning their wedding. In the original timeline, he and Helen had broken up by the time the plane crashed.

His boss, Randy, at the box company is still a smarmy little weasel and fires Locke when he learns Locke lied about attending a box conference (there are box conferences?) in Sydney. As if he wasn’t having a bad enough day, he can’t even get into his van to leave because some jerk has parked his Hummer too close. That jerk turns out to be Hurley, who tells Locke he owns the box company and will talk to Randy, a “huge douche,” (heh) if Locke wants. Locke does not want, so Hurley says his temp agency can hook him up. Alt-Hurley is clearly doing well and not haunted at all by unlucky numbers (no island, no Numbers, right?).

At the temp agency, Locke gets interviewed and asked a bunch of silly questions by Lynn Karnoff – if she looks familiar to you, it’s because she showed up in Season 3 as a fortune teller, who tells Hurley the Numbers are cursed. This may be important or may just be an Easter Egg.

The temp agency supervisor turns out to be Rose. Locke is huffy that Rose won’t send him out to a construction site, and she confides in him that she has terminal cancer. She says she had been in denial but is living life to the fullest.

Back home, Locke fesses up to Helen that he got fired and tells her he tried to go on a Walkabout in Australia and they wouldn’t let him. Helen had been urging him to call Jack for a spinal consult, and Locke says he’s done waiting for miracles and there’s no such thing. This is not a Man of Faith. But Helen insists miracles do exist.

And then we see Substitute Locke. He’s teaching about the reproductive system. He heads to the teachers lounge, where an uptight European History teacher is ranting about the coffee maker. The teacher turns to face the camera, and – of course – it’s Ben.

Cool connection, but more importantly, Ben is alive, and he shouldn’t be if the island sank in 1977 with him on it. Chew on that.

Back on the island, Richard is having a terrible day. UnLocke has him bagged in a tree. He cuts him down and says it’s “time to talk.” He says he wants what he has always wanted, that Richard should come with him. He confides that John was a candidate but says he won’t tell Richard any more unless he comes with him. Richard can think of about 20,000 other things he’d rather be doing. UnLocke threatens, “people seldom get a second chance” but then gets distracted by a vision of a blond boy (photo from Lostpedia). He leaves.

Ben, meanwhile, is with Ilana in the foot statue and tells her Locke killed her men. And because he’s Ben, he throws in a little lie that Locke killed Jacob, too, and that he burned in the fire. Ilana starts collecting the ashes. She tells Ben that unLocke wants Richard because “he’s recruiting.”

They head outside, where Sun and Frank are hanging out. Everyone else has fled to the Temple (do they know where the Temple is? I’m confused about that). Ilana said they should go to the Temple, too, and that it’s Sun’s best shot of finding Jin. Sun seems willing but wants to bury The Real Locke first. Ilana tells them unLocke is stuck in Locke’s form.

They bury the body amid other graves and Ben gives the best eulogy ever. He says John was a believer: “He was a man of faith. He was a much better man than I will ever be, and I’m very sorry I murdered him.”

To which, Frank is all, WTH?

During all this, unLocke has returned to the Barracks to a house in disarray with a record blaring. Sawyer is slumped in the bedroom, drinking. He gives unLocke the side eye because he thought he was dead. He is dead, unLocke says. “I don’t give a damn if you’re dead, or time-traveling or the Ghost of Christmas Past,” Sawyer says, giving him a drink. And I immediately think of “Scrooged” where Bill Murray’s dead boss appears and takes a drink, which squirts out of his decayed body.

Sawyer says he knows unLocke isn’t Locke because Locke was always scared and this dude is not. UnLocke says he’s the guy who can answer the most important question – and he seems to be talking directly to the audience here. He can answer why they’re on the island, if Sawyer comes with him. Sawyer says he’ll put his pants on.

They head through the jungle and the blond boy pops up again. UnLocke is shocked that Sawyer can see him as well. Blondie tells unLocke, “You know the rules. You can’t kill him.” And unLocke says – say it with me – “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.”

While unLocke is yelling at children, a freaked-out Richard appears and urges Sawyer to come to the Temple. Sawyer says unLocke has answers. Richard says he just wants everyone dead. He runs off as unLocke returns.

Sawyer, who clearly needs a book club, asks if unLocke knows “Of Mice and Men.” Realizing most of us haven’t read this since high school, Sawyer recaps the plot and says how (spoiler!) George shoots Lennie. Sawyer pulls a gun on unLocke, who is unfazed. UnLocke says he once was a man but now is trapped and doesn’t remember what it’s like to be free. He convinces Sawyer to stick with him.

They head to a cliff with scary ladders down the side. After some drama, where Sawyer almost plummets to his death, they arrive at the bottom and enter a cave. Anyone else think of Dumbledore and Harry in the last movie here?
But this is where it gets very cool. The cave has a scale, with a white stone and black stone on each end. UnLocke chucks the white stone (Jacob) away. Inside joke, he tells Sawyer.

His torch illuminates all the names. And numbers. Some of them are crossed out. Sawyer is No. 15. There’s also Shephard (23), Reyes (8), Jarrah (16), Kwon (42) and Locke (4). UnLocke crosses out Locke. He says “Jacob had a thing for numbers” but the names are because Jacob considered them all candidates to be the island’s protector.

He manipulated them, unLocke says. The choices they made weren’t their own. Now Sawyer has a choice. He can do nothing and see what happens. He can take over for Jacob and protect the island (from nothing, unLocke says). It’s just a damn island!

The third choice, unLocke says, is to leave the island. Together. “Are you ready to go home?” he asks. “Hell, yes,” Sawyer says.