John Allman

If you’ve ever wandered the aisles at the video store or surfed the DVR pay-per-view options and seen a bunch of movies that you’ve never heard of, chances are John has watched them. Why? He loves movies. All kinds of movies. Good, bad, so-bad-they’re good, even the truly unwatchable ones. He mostly loves horror and science-fiction and drive-in exploitation movies that most upstanding model citizens wouldn’t dare watch. Then he writes up his thoughts so you can decide - watch, don’t watch or avoid at all costs. Sometimes he even gets to talk to the cool folks who make some of your favorite films.

 Blood, Violence and Babes
 John Allman

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I Love You, Beth Cooper

Posted Nov 11, 2009 by John Allman

Updated Nov 11, 2009 at 07:32 AM

I Love You, Beth Cooper
Genre: Comedy/Coming of Age
Directed by: Chris Columbus
Run time: 102 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Format: Blu-Ray

The Lowdown: “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” “The Breakfast Club.” Hell, even “Weird Science.”

Hollywood is stuffed with twisted, irreverent, wonderfully memorable coming-of-age comedies where a plucky high school dweeb finds his inner voice, gains the confidence and wisdom he’s always needed and gets the girl.

“I Love You, Beth Cooper” wants desperately to rise to that elite mantle.

By all measures, it has the right components: Incredibly awkward high school senior (Paul Rust). Hot blonde, mean but wise cheerleader (Hayden Panettiere). Goofy sidekick who is quick with a quip, and may be gay (Jack Carpenter). Mean as hell, evil older boyfriend of hot blonde cheerleader (Shawn Roberts). And hot, sexually curious cheerleader friends (Lauren London and Lauren Storm).

It even features Alan Ruck, the wonderful Cameron Frye in “Ferris Bueller.”

And “Beth Cooper” is directed by Chris Columbus, who gave us one of the iconic coming of age movies of the 1980s, “Adventures in Babysitting.”

So what’s wrong?

After an inspiring start with a memorable graduation speech by Rust, in which he throws caution to the wind and calls out all the high school cliques and professes his love for Beth Cooper, the movie devolves into a series of predictable scenarios, unfunny indictments of homosexuality and uneven humor that culminates in an improbable union between Rust and Panettiere and an even more improbable ménage-a-trois between Carpenter and the two Laurens.

It just doesn’t ring true.

Trust me, I wish it did. I once was that geeky, awkward kid who wanted to lay waste at graduation with a searing, truthful dissection of my scholastic, and even collegiate, comrades.

I once fantasized about getting that one unobtainable girl.

But I guarantee if any of my dreams had come true, they would have looked nothing like the over-the-top hijinks that “Beth Cooper” purports to be real.

The Stuff You Care About:
Hot chicks – Yes.
Nudity – Brief.
Gore – No.
Drug use – No.
Bad Guys/Killers – The jerk cliques from high school.
Buy/Rent – Rent it.
Blu-Ray Bonus Features – Alternate ending, deleted scenes.
Release Date – Nov. 1, 2009