My husband and I don’t have children, but we do consider ourselves parents. Our pets are our “kids”.
Zeke, Buck, Tank, Bilbo, Timmy, Cocoa, Scooter, Izzy and Willow (2 dogs, a cat, four goats and two miniature donkeys) depend on my husband and I for their every need, and then some. Doesn’t that make us parents?
While we are the minority in our circle of friends, we’re part of a growing number of couples choosing pets to fulfill their nurturing needs.
A survey of pet owners by the American Animal Hospital Association in the late nineties revealed that 61 percent of dog owners surveyed believe that caring for their pets fulfilled a need of parenting. The previous year, 69 percent of dog owners surveyed said they give their pets as much attention as they would to their children and 54 percent of the survey respondents said they felt an emotional dependence on their pets.
Additionally, 61 percent of U.S. households include pets, while just 39 percent have children, according to the 2007-08 National Pet Owners Survey conducted by the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, Inc. (APPMA).
So, we are not so unusual after all. There are many couples, married or not, who have chosen to parent pets over children for various reasons.
For some, pet parenting can be a warm-up to the commitment and responsibilities necessary in rearing children, but for those I spoke to for this column, pets are their kids—and they’re proud to say so.
“We can’t imagine life without her,” says Richard DeBow of Riverview. He and his wife, Sheila, think of Rhiannon, their 11-year old Labrador, as their child. “When people ask us if we have any children, we tell them ‘yes a four-legged one’.” The DeBows also admit to calling themselves Mommy and Daddy when speaking to her.
Certainly the commitment level, responsibility and love for children is different for that of pets, (although you may get an argument from some pet owners about that). But choosing to share your life with animal companions versus children has some inherent benefits—according to the couples I spoke to.
“They’re more self-sufficient than a child,” says Debi Moore of Tampa. She and boyfriend Steve enjoy the ability to travel together frequently, without the “kids”. They simply make arrangements for five cats, Pinot Noir, Fortune, Rockus, Classik and Noggin, to be cared for in their absence.
“Plus,” Moore laughs, “they never talk back”.
Sarah Howard and her husband live in Seminole Heights with their Catahoula Leapord Hound, Bayou. “Pets don’t create as much drama as kids” states Howard. While she admits that Bayou will sometimes act out like a child—he also protects the house and provides constant companionship and security.
“As a parent, you have to always protect your child, but pets are the ones that look out for you,” Howard points out.
But are we pet parents missing out on a love that can only be experienced through childrearing? Perhaps. But arguably what we don’t know, we don’t miss, and what we do have, we cherish.
“She licks my whole head when I get home from work,” beams DeBow. “That’s what I have waiting for me each day.” Rhiannon also snuggles in bed and comforts them if someone is feeling down, according to DeBow.
Surely as voluntarily childless couples with pets, we will miss out on proud, joyous occasions such as seeing our kids graduate, get married, and have children of their own. But the parallel between these two types of “kids” is that we both enjoy making our children happy, and seeing them enjoy life.
Ironically, there’s a similar level of camaraderie among pet-only parents that is shared by their childrearing counterparts. The Howard’s regularly socialize with friends who are also childless. “We talk about our pets just like couples do about their kids,” boasts Howard. “We compare stories and behavior issues—isn’t that what most parents do?”
And there are other common parallels. Children and animals both will “test you” so you need to set limits and reinforce them consistently. And, “time out” can work wonders on both two and four-legged offenders. Some pets can be as finicky about their vittles as kids are about their vegetables. And in the case of humans and pet species, you need to provide love, attention and stimulation to ensure a healthy, well-developed “kid”.
Pets aren’t perfect, but neither are children. The sad part about pet parenting is that our animal companions are only with us for a short time—10-15 years, usually. But for most couples that choose pets over children, they do satisfy our need to nurture and protect, and to love something that is uniquely part of “us”—even if not biologically.
Clearly, children are precious to their parents and the associated sacrifices and responsibilities are much greater than those made by the voluntarily childless with pets.
I’m happy to hear about your child’s perfect math score or athletic award—really, I am. But I probably have a story I am proud of as well—so be sure to ask me about my kids too.
CRITTER CALENDAR:
SPCA’S SPRING ADOPTATHON
The Polk County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) will have pets available for adoption from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. on May 5, and from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on May 6. The SPCA will be at the following locations during these times: Petsmart, 1051 W. Brandon Blvd. in Brandon; Petsmart, 11331 Causeway Blvd. in Brandon; and Petco, 4139 U.S. Hwy. 98 N. in Lakeland. For more information, call (863) 646-7722 or visit http://www.lovemyspca.com.
