Few literary exercises are more pointless than predicting the future. Of course, “pointless” is this column’s middle name.

(Actually, “pointless” works better as this column’s first name, as in “Pointless Liner Notes.” Other names we considered were “Hater Zone!,” “Words in Sentence Form” and “Curtis Ross Won’t Shut His Cake Hole.")

Anyway, prognostication is an exercise in futility. But it fills up space. And this week it will fill up this space.

Here are what I feel are some fairly safe bets for the coming musical year. Feel free to clip this column and tick off each prediction as it comes true. Feel free to point out how many I missed at the end of the year. Feel free to wager on them. Hey, it’s a free country, other than the illegal wiretapping and stuff.

• A mediocre rock band will ride a label-generated buzz onto a Rolling Stone cover declaring “Rock Is Back!” The next issue’s cover will feature Miley Cyrus.

• A teenager will create a tedious rap song, post the attendant video to YouTube and be signed by a major label. Millions of children will make the song a hit despite its blatant misogyny and use of slang terms for sex acts. Wait, that was last year.

• The members of a band popular in the ‘70s or ‘80s will reunite for a tour even though they hate each others’ guts.

• “High School Musical 3: Buy or Die” premieres. Thousands killed.

• Properly diagnosed and medicated, Britney Spears renounces her career and becomes The Hold Steady’s drum tech.

• The Recording Industry Association of America declares listening to legally purchased CDs and downloads illegal; demands minimum $500 settlement from everyone who ever purchased music; begins digging up graves of deceased music buyers to extract gold teeth.

• Seventh season of “American Idol” declared marginally more interesting than sixth. Rolling Stone cover declares “‘American Idol’ Is Back!”