Dancing with the Stars: The Results—- 04.03.07 (aka Who Are You Again?)

Posted Apr 3, 2007 by Chris Kuhn

Updated Apr 3, 2007 at 11:01 PM

It’s time to find out who’s going home tonight in the ballroom on Dancing with the Stars (ABC). We see a montage of last night’s performances and the judges pick their favorite for this week’s encore – actor-singer Joey Fatone and his partner Kim dancing a Star Wars tribute to the tango. They are as fun and energetic as last night and they are definitely one of my three favorite teams, along with boxing champ Laila Ali and partner Maks as well as Olympic medalist speedskater Apolo Ohno and partner Julianne. Let’s just get rid of all of the rest right now and simply watch these three exciting couples for the next seven weeks. Can we? Can we?

We get to listen to (or not) a song from R&B artist Sierra (who I’ve never heard of before) and I am grateful, because I’m watching this on tape and can fast-forward. Aah. After hearing comments from last night’s studio audience who agree with me that Leeza is boring, Billy Ray is horrid and Clyde is gangly, it’s time to find out who’s safe. We learn that Joey and Kim are safe this week, as well as Apolo and Julianne.

Now I’ll admit that I’ve been waiting for this moment. The group Survivor is here to belt out their classic Eye of the Tiger while several couples treat the audience to a paso doble. I love this dance because it’s so dramatic and bizarre and the boxing theme adds an interesting take. I love watching the dancers but the band’s performance is really disappointing. That can’t possibly be the original lead singer, can it? He looks really haggard. I remember the “High on You” video and he didn’t look or sound anything like that. Yikes. Life’s been hard on this poor guy.

Jimmy Kimmel returns to give us a lesson in the Paso Doble and once again he and his partner, Guillermo the parking lot security guard demonstrate. It is truly hideous but strangely fun to watch. Maybe Jimmy Kimmel should host this show instead of bumbling fool Tom Bergeron and his phonetically challenged co-hort Samantha Harris.

But there can be some talent and class on the singing stage once in a while. Tonight, that classy gent is Josh Groban. Mmm. I’m going to stop typing now and. Can’t form sentences. Must watch.

Here’s an interesting twist on the show. Producers chatted with a clairvoyant and numerologist before the show began and they gave their predictions on how well couples were matched, who would do well, who would struggle and most importantly, who will win. Most of the comments are to be expected – generalities that could apply to just about anybody, but the numerologist predicts Laila will win the show and the clairvoyant expects actor Ian Ziering will be the victor. (What a stretch for that guy – Ian’s paired with the two-time champ, Cheryl Burke! Doh!)

But let’s return to the whole point of this show and find out who else is safe, and it’s: singer Billy Ray Cyrus and dance buddy Karina and Laila and Maks. But a couple in peril who might be going home tonight? Former Miss USA Shandi Hennessey and partner Brian. No surprise here. No one in America knows who the heck she is. Still. Even after three weeks!

Now, we’ll find out the fates of the remaining teams. Ian and Cheryl are safe, as are actor John Ratzenberger and partner Edyta. Fundraiser Heather Mills and dance partner Jonathan are safe, as well as NBA legend Clyde Drexler and partner Elena. This means, talk show host Leeza Gibbons and partner Tony are vulnerable and join Shandi and Brian in the bottom two. One of them will be going home. And we’ll be bidding farewell to…Shandi and Brian. I’m not surprised and I see the relief on Leeza’s face but she’s gracious to the big forgettable loser. And already, America has forgotten her name.

As Shandi and Brian perform their last dance, we’re reminded that next week we’ll get to watch the couples do the paso doble or the waltz (zzzz). What did you think of tonight’s results? This was by far one of the most predictable shows but at least we got to enjoy a little Josh Groban. And that, my friends, was quite worth it. Sigh. Stay tuned…