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Ask Dr. Rock Snob!

Posted Mar 29, 2007 by Curtis Ross

Updated Mar 29, 2007 at 04:25 PM

Dear Dr. Rock Snob:

Yo La Tengo 4Ever(?)

Dear Yo,

The enjoyment of non-traditional rock-snob artists such as Journey is a minefield of potential faux pas best left to the more seasoned snob.

Listening to such bands must be done with just the right mixture of elitist disdain and genuine fanhood. This often is accomplished by playing up a band’s instrumental prowess, i.e.: “Sure it’s tripe, but Neal Schon’s a genuinely inventive guitarist” or “Ross Valory’s spongy bass lines reveal a subtle reggae influence that elevates even cheese like this.”

See? You’ve made the case for listening to Journey while establishing that you’re actually too cool to listen to Journey.

(Don’t make the mistake other snobs have made by claiming “Open Arms” reminds them of their prom; everybody knows no rock snob ever made it to his prom.)

(Also, rock snobs are always male.)

Obviously, this sort of rationalizing takes time to perfect, the sort of time lesser individuals waste on dating, sports, reading, family, etc.

Novice snobs are best off avoiding questionable performers lest they slip and enjoy them without the proper ironic distance.

For now, stick with spotting the Stockhausen influence on the first two Alice Cooper albums and pretending Yo La Tengo hasn’t made the same album over and over since “I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One.”