By HAROLD VALENTINE

At first, the plane seems like a giant ridiculous bus, sporting gaudy jutting wings while roving about the runway, braking and making sharp turns. If I was somehow forced to man the plane, that’s how I’d have to think of it.

But then the big bird is finally in position. “Full speed ahead, Captain,” I think as we go into the closest thing to light speed I’ll ever experience.

OK, so it’s only an airplane trip, something people do all the time. It’s really nothing special, right?

It’s been a bit more than a century since the Wright Brothers made what’s called the first “powered heavier-than-air flight.” And, it’s only been about 50 years since regular folks like you and I have been able to hop on a plane and, in a matter of hours, get to Seattle. That’s where I recently vacationed.

I brought lots of amusing distractions for the ride but hardly touched them. Perhaps I don’t travel enough, or perhaps because it was 6 a.m., I couldn’t help but be fascinated with the goings-on right outside my window.

While everyone else had their nose in a newspaper, which is usually something I encourage, the thought that we’d soon be 32,000 feet airborne reminded me again of the extent humanity has channeled its oversized noggin to extraordinary use.

Sure, for the average person this observation has an unctuous quality, but if you’d take a minute and go to Web sites like http://www.howstuffworks.com or wikipedia.org and look up how a TV actually works, for example, I’d hope you could see what’s neat about everyday technology.

Framed another way, while in Seattle, everyone told me to visit the world famous Space Needle because you could see everything from 605 feet high. Yeah, the $14 tourist rip-off was kind of cool, but it’s no 32,000.

Tips for the upcoming travel season

My brain may be back at work, but my heart is still on vacation. If you’re traveling this holiday season, you may want to keep in mind the following:

* Enjoy the ride, as stated above. My last vacation was in New York City and I tried to do e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Seattle was much better, in part, because my schedule was full but not stuffed.

* Bring good company. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as I am. If you can’t find an awesome travel partner/significant other, then find someone who’s at least smarter than you, if possible. Figuring out public transportation can be a pain, especially for those of us raised in Florida.

* Beware of the roaming, raging pukers – I don’t know what’s up with Seattleites, but there was some serious puking going on! Don’t get me wrong, I loved almost everything about the city’s natural beauty and its progressive people. The thing is – I lost my ID at a rental car location so it wasn’t like I could visit bars and clubs.

We went to bed early most nights after a busy day of shopping or hiking a mountain, then wake up the next morning to find multiple, hours-old puddles of disgusting, acidic stomach content. At least the pigeons ate well.

* So I lost my ID and debit card. Be ready for this. I thought I was very careful, but even a full-rather-than-a-stuffed vacation can be a whirlwind. Luckily, I had other ID to suffice the current demands of airline security.

* Go to independent businesses. Yep, I like to pay visits to McDonald’s or Starbucks (I counted five ‘Bucks’ my first five minutes in Seattle), but you might as well taste what’s unique about a place by sampling independent businesses.

Like anything, remember you get out of a vacation what you put into it. However, I think next time we’ll patron the Salish Lodge & Spa, located at Snoqualmie Falls, about 30 miles southeast of Seattle where we went hiking. It’s a luxury hotel, an exception to the rule, where you don’t put much effort into anything. There, you just eat, lounge in a spa Dudley Moore-style and hike unfathomable beautiful country.

Well, what you put into it is about $350 big ones a night, or thereabouts depending upon your blood color.